So I've come to the realisation that I'm not 'straight' and come to terms with that fact, but I can't get my head around whether I'm gay or bisexual. I just want to settle this issue so I can get on with my life and not live in eternal sexuality limbo all my life. Almost all my life I've identified as 'straight' but then I had a revelation when I realised that I actually like some guys as well. But I do still sometimes feel attraction to women, what's confusing me is this, I can't work out if my attraction to some women at times is just me trying to cling on to the notion that I'm straight or if it is genuine bisexuality. What confuses me further is the fact that I haven't really shown any interest at all in having a relationship with women in the past 3 or 4 years, sure I was lonely at times and wished I could have a partner but I was never that interested in any women I could have had a chance with, which makes me wander if I'm just gay. I know it's hard for any of you to answer without knowing me really, but what do you think?
I know telling you to not worry about labels doesn't actually make you stop worrying. But try not to pay much attention to labels, because there's so much more in between straight, bisexual, and gay. It can change, too. Most people are somewhere in between straight and gay, ranging from a mild to large preference towards one gender. This is why we get so many threads on "straight" people afraid that they are gay because they actually are MOSTLY straight but are realizing they have the capacity to feel for the same gender. They just never knew that there was anything in between straight and gay. You probably won't find a label that completely describes you, even on the Kinsey Scale. You'll find a lot of people describe themselves as "in between 4 and 5" or "in between 5 and 6" because of this. Just try to look for people you're attracted to, not a gender, and you will become comfortable.
Thanks for the response KTWK I suppose when I read what I've written about what I feel since I've been on EC it sounds like I'm probably bisexual, although I can't say for sure because I've never had a sexual experience with a man or a woman before so I don't know what I will like more. I know I have the capacity to be attracted to men and women, so I guess that is pretty much bisexual. Although I think you're right, trying to label myself right now isn't helping. I think what you say about looking for people I'm attracted to rather than a gender is a good idea, when I stop trying to confine myself to one thing or another everything should fall into place naturally.
I went through a similar dilemma, and so do a lot of people. For the longest time I just never allowed myself to even think of the possibility of being something other than straight, and when I finally did start questioning I assumed I would have to be bisexual since I had convinced myself I had always liked girls. However I've since realized that regardless of whether I am or was ever attracted to girls, I'd much rather be with a boy, and that's the only sort of relationship I am really interested in pursuing...therefore I identify as gay.
This is a topic I think of often, and comes up often among my gay friends. It is no surprise I see it on EC as well. As others have said, and I will concur, labels are good in some respects but they should not cause worry, stress, or concern. They attempt to make identifications and are for communicating our desires in this case -- so if it doesn't fit "just right", then that's OK. There are tons of combinations to make it more accurate or specific (i.e.: "homoromantic bisexual, etc) if that makes you feel better.
Your experience sounds like what I'm going through, it is what has led to my confusion. I've convinced myself that I've liked girls in the past so I must be bisexual now I've reconciled the fact that I like some guys as well. But who knows, maybe I am bisexual, maybe I'm gay, I can't say for sure at the moment. Sometimes I just think it would be a good idea to make out with a guy and then make out with a girl to see which I prefer. ---------- Post added 7th Feb 2013 at 12:17 AM ---------- Ok, thanks Cthulhu
I'm against using labels to define yourself. I am for finding labels and adapting them to fit or encompass you. If you think a label would make you feel more comfortable, you can go for one. But finding one that describes you exactly would probably be difficult, and you'd likely find yourself at bisexual as a broad term. Bisexual doesn't mean an EQUAL preference, it simply means that you have the capacity for both, as you've said. If you would rather have a label, just remember not to fit yourself to labels. Fit them to you. I just find labels too hard to define sexuality. I like to view it sort of as a complex plane, if you've done any calculus or advanced algebra this would make more sense. The X-axis represents sexual attraction, while the Y-axis represents romantic attraction.
@tea I would suggest just do as you will. If you find another boy attractive, you find them attractive -- and visa versa. Do not let labels or social taboos get in the way of being true to yourself.
Thanks for the replies It's helped me a lot understand where I am. I'm just going to stop worrying about labels for a while and see where I end up, I don't want to start calling myself bisexual only to find that I'm gay and visa-versa. Also thanks for showing me that there is more than just straight, gay and bisexual. I wasn't really aware of the Kinsey scale or romantic orientations so I'll do some more research on it all and hopefully that'll help me define myself better (using labels that fit me and not the other way around!).
