Saying "I'm gay"

It sounds like you really do know what you are, but you haven't come to accept yourself yet. Do the things you want to do, act the way you want to act, and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel. When you learn to love and accept yourself for who you are, accepting your sexuality will follow.

 

IKWYM. Super weird.

l don't think it's unusual, we are who we are but there's no reason we'd inherently identify with a label created for us by society. That's the only reason we're "gay", l mean lol.

l just consider myself to be attracted to women. l don't really feel "gay". But yeah,l am a homosexual x_x

 

I've still never actually said the words out loud, I've just said yes when people ask me. Every time I've directly told someone important it's been in writing.

 

Yeah, saying it IS a big deal.

In my coming out support group, one of the guys asked me if I'm gay or bi -- and that's the first time I said out loud, I'm gay, and quite sure of it.

I went to a different LGBQ group a few days later, when I introduced myself, "I'm Pete and I'm gay"

There is power in those words, speaking who you are. I think its a very good thing to do.

 

I completely understand what you are feeling. Personally, I had trouble saying it out loud the first couple of times. Heck, I found it weird to write it at times. I didn't want to attach a label that had such negative connotations in my society. You will begin to become more comfortable with the term as time goes on. I keep a daily journal, and it's funny to see the progression. I never used the word during my several entries concerning my sexuality, but then if you look at my book today it's full of the word.

 

I still find it kind of weird saying it out loud but I'm getting used to saying it around my friends who do know.

 

No. It wouldn't.

Try something else that really isn't true. "I'm Japanese," or something (assuming you are not Japanese). It definitely won't have that emotional charge. Even if it's something really bad, like "I'm a murderer." Instead, it will just seem kind of silly. It won't bring up that stabbing feeling of shame.

 

If you are gay do you have a problem with that?
Does the thought of being gay make you feel shame?
When you think about gays what do you feel?
If you thought of kissing with romantic driven passion a same sex partner how would you feel?
In general if you were in a room of fifty people and learned only after that they were all gay what would you do and how would you react?
Hugs

 

Shame -- its part of the gay experience. Because we're in the minority. Because until just a few years we were classified as deviant. Because nearly all of us grew up in a hetero world, which is glorified, and considered the ultimate road to happiness.

Its no surprise that this is uncomfortable.

IMO - saying those other things -- well, they're absurd. They're not who you are and you know it.

The first part is accepting who you are.... and being aware of the shame that society puts on being gay.

For me, being in LGBT support groups has made all the difference. Warm, welcoming, funny, heartfelt folks who are going through what I'm going through (or have gone through).

(maybe like us on EC? (&&&) )

 

Have you tried saying I`m not straight?
Or, I`m as straight as a bow?

You could try to do it gradually too. Like, I am quite possibly sort of probably most likely gay.

(Not joking or making fun, sometimes some things are difficult to say out loud, I`ve experienced it with other things)

Or try using a different word first. Like, say slippers mean gay, and then tell yourself you`re slippers, and it`s okay!

Sometimes we just have to get used to things, and we`re not comfortable with it straight away, even when we`ve accepted it.

 

Actually the first thing that really made me question my orientation was that I felt jealousy when I saw lesbian couples together. Even gay men, to some extent. Every time that happened I almost laughed at myself, thinking 'that's an odd reaction!'

I still don't know my orientation for sure as I find men very attractive but at the same time don't have a desire to act on that attraction, if that's what it is. Whereas with women the initial 'attraction' at first sight is barely there, but I feel like the bond can grow much stronger than with men, leading to a much deeper attraction.

Anyway, I digress lol. I have never felt shame or anything if I say that. Just confusion I guess.

 

l am a muffin stealing whore.

OP how does it feel to say "l am a homosexual"? l feel less weird about this.

IDK about you but the word gay just conjures images of thing that having nothing to do with me in my mind. Parades, flags, Robin Williams in The Birdcage. "Homosexual" seems more specific.

 

I know how you feel... i myself know i am lesbian.. but im so afraid of the commitment i just tell everyone that im 'undecided'... just learn to trust yourself.. you dont need to do anything until youre ready!

 

This is just my opinion on things, but it works for me.

Personally, I don't like saying "I'm gay". I much prefer going with "I like guys" or "I'm not into girls" or "I don't swing that way" etc. etc. For me, while there's little wrong with the word "gay" nowadays, I still find it sounds like an admission of guilt, at least when I say it. I mean, you don't hear straight people running around saying "I'm straight", right?

Saying something like "I like guys" is, to me, just like making a light correction in someone's previous assumption of you. Saying "I'm gay" is like you're confessing something horrible.

Additionally, avoiding the word "gay" and going with "I like guys" also made me feel less like I was committing to something drastic.

That said, now I can refer to myself as "the gay one" and whatnot with no problems. But it was easier for me when I first started coming out to simply avoid the word.

 

it's a crazy thing. I came out to my first two friends this past weekend, and decided I needed to "practice" saying those two words to myself, because how could I ever say it to them if I couldn't say it to myself. Well, unlike you, I was able to say it... but every time I did, I'd get the most intense whole-body chill, my stomach would tie up in knots, and my hands would be shaking for the next few minutes. however, now that I've actually said those two words to my best friends, it doesn't happen anymore. My only explanation is that it comes from a lifetime of trying to hide it/deny it...and I was still in that mode, until I came out to them.

 

IKWYM. l remmber another thread where women were saying the same thing. l've wondered about myself. Or maybe it's some kind of Freudian revenge on my mother e_e

honestly once you even ask yourself that, youre closer to figuring it out. People who are really doing that most likely won't think about it, or if they do, not talk about it.

All imma say is l would critically evaluate your actual interest in women before considering your lack of interest in men. lt seems quite normal for heterosexual women to not be terribly interested in men, but eventually find the right one. Or you could be bi, it doesn't matter as long as the attraction to women is there lol.

A short survey:

-Do you like girls?

-Do you ever feel funny around them?

-Do you like girls?

-Are you SURE you like girls?

-How do you feel about the ladies?