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Coming out as "unsure"?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Anonymous, Feb 6, 2013.

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  1. Anonymous

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    Has anyone ever done this? Come out and just said "I am unsure of my sexuality and I just want to be honest about it."

    I don’t need or want a label - I will refuse any label - but I should start to be honest about my unlabeled self. I feel as though I am fluid - not gay or straight - and I don’t like the bisexual label. Being fluid has made it hard for me to identify with a label and has prompted me to keep my questions secret as I try to find an answer. I have come to the realization that 1) I will be happier and more able to be myself - making it easier to figure myself out - if I am honest about my situation and 2) that there might not be an answer or label to find - this in-between fluid identity might be who I really am. All I know is I cannot live this way forever. I haven’t figured it out by now and I am almost 25. Being open about it is the only thing left to do. Either I will figure it out by being open or I wont but I wont be hiding any longer - in either case I think I will be happier. This is simply all I need to do - and it doesn’t require making a decision on being gay, straight or bi: start to tell people close to me I am unsure of my sexuality and I just want to be honest about it - and I honestly don’t know.

    It seems weird to come out as "unsure" but I am almost 25 and I have been unsure for, I dunno, maybe 15 years. I've been with men and women and have different types of attraction to both. Has anyone come out as "unsure" before? What did you do and how did it go?
     
    #1 Anonymous, Feb 6, 2013
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  2. OMGWTFBBQ

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    That was my philosophy, not necessarily because l actually wasn't sure but because l wasn't sure about which type of attraction was more important to me.

    But not with the word "unsure" lol. l was just bi, and l hardly even said that word. lt was just known, if you do continue with both men and women, most people will think of you as bisexual anyway. Close friends IME are the only people who really honor any subset of labels outside of the major set,
     
  3. Anonymous

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    Hmm, yeah well I don't want to commit to anything - bi/straight/gay. I really don't want to talk about it or make a deal about it - I just don't want to keep pretending like I am totally straight and being paranoid about whether I am "acting straight enough to keep up the illusion".

    I'd rather keep it to myself because it's not really anyone's business but I feel that not addressing it is stressing me out. Any advice? Is it worth it?
     
    #3 Anonymous, Feb 6, 2013
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  4. KTWK

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    It would probably just be easiest telling people that you're bisexual... this does not mean you're committing to it, it's just what you tell people. To be honest that probably does describe you best anyways.

    Bisexual does not mean you are equally attracted to both sexes, it just means that you have the capacity to be attracted to each sex.

    If you try to explain to people fluid sexuality and having been attracted to both, they're just going to file you under bisexual in their mind anyways.

    But ultimately, if you really want to come out as fluid, unsure, or whatever label for not having a label you'd like, then that's perfectly fine! Coming out is for you, not for anyone else.
     
  5. Anonymous

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    But maybe bisexual with an asterisk.

    Now the hard part is figuring out how to do it... it would be easier if I was sure.
     
    #5 Anonymous, Feb 6, 2013
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  6. kiltrout

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    Just tell them you are unsure.
     
  7. cm81990

    cm81990 Guest

    I'm not a huge fan of labeling, but I know it makes it easier to explain to people with an actual identity than something ambiguous like unsure. "Unsure" or "questioning" labels are more appropriate for teens or those just going through puberty. That would've been an accurate label for me then. However, you are close to the age of 25. You are not a teen anymore. If you have felt this uncertainty throughout most of your life, the truth deep down is you are probably just bisexual. Gay people know what they want. Straight people know what they want... Straight and gay are black & white sexualities, like an on-off switch. Bisexuality is a very grey, ambiguous, fluid, identity which can be confusing. I really think if you are going to be honest about your sexual orientation at the age of 25, "bi" is the best way to go. It's the most accurate; people will understand you. It allows you flexibility to explore with both men and women.
     
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