So, I posted here a while back and I still haven't had a full evaluation yet but I did get seen by a psychologist regarding other issues I have. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and PTSD with moderate anxiety. I am absolutely down trodden at this as I was hoping that maybe I was just depressed because of my confusion. Now, it would seem I am completely broken in my own mind. I'm just feeling at a dead end on most of my life. I did, however, just for kicks, buy some panties and yoga pants that I wear around the house. Between that and shaving off my body and leg hair I feel a bit more comfortable in my clothing. I feel odd talking about all of this bit did anyone who is transgendered noticed that doing thing like that seemed to ease some of the pressure even if you felt totally out of place otherwise? I feel like I'm just rapidly approaching a breaking point and I'm not sure if what I feel about myself is what I actually feel or just a product of the bipolar disorder. You know, at this point, any words of advice or encouragement might make a world of difference.
Coming here was a smart move. Sticking around here, and reading other people's stories can really help give you motivation, encouragement, and clarity. I'm glad you saw a psychologist and diagnosed some of your other issues... I hope you can get help working through them with a therapist or psychologist. You are not alone, I am here for you. We are all here for you. Stay strong and take it a day at a time. Don't be afraid to keep asking for help, that's exactly what this sub-forum is for. (*hug*)
Hi there! It's great that you started writing out what you are experiencing and the effects that it has on you. If it is helping you, I'd encourage you to keep writing things out - even if they are just thoughts. Even though the diagnosis has come as a surprise and you are having a tough time with it, remember that there are treatment options available. I don't know if you have had the chance to start exploring them with a doctor. As hard as this is, and in addition to questioning your identity, and perhaps wanting to explore it, there is support available to you, and you will make it through it all, and you will be able to look back one day and say to yourself, "I made it. I came through all of that, and I'm living the life that I want to and reflects me." (*hug*)
.... why would anyone purposely see a psychologist? ...... or a doctor ..... ? Ive been avoiding them for years lol
To be perfectly honest I avoided therapists and medication for years because of very bad experiences in the past but it has gotten to the point where most mornings I wake up and wish I hadn't, was someone else or feeling like I want to slit my wrists or tie myself off to my balcony and just jump. The only reason I don't is I have a son that it would destroy but I feel like no matter how well I, his mother and stepfather have raised him and how we've always taught him tolerance of everyone that, if not now then later, it is going to destroy him whether I'm gay, bi, trans or whatever. I feel every second of every day that my entire life is a sham and a failure regardless of my achievements in school or at work. I just so badly want to fix what's wrong with me and be free but I've worn a mask for so long I don't even know who I really am anymore if I ever did in the first place.
So, an update: I saw the psychiatrist yesterday and he doesn't seem to think I have bipolar disorder but a long running depression coupled with PTSD, an anxiety disorder and OCPD that is causing my highs and lows. I'm not sure what to think or do or how I should feel at this point. This is the 8th doctor I've seen in 14 years and every single one of them have given me a different diagnosis. It seems to me like they all know that I'm broken somehow but have no real clue and not sure how to treat it. Life is driving me out of my mind and I can't take it.
