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Do I need to tell my dad, before friends?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SwatFox, Feb 6, 2013.

  1. SwatFox

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    I'm pretty openly gay, online, but only my sister and mom know, in real life. I really want to tell my friend that I'm gay, since we're really close, and done some, uh...well, after some of our games, I feel like he deserves to know. But I also feel a moral obligation to tell my dad, first. I'm not close to my dad. He doesn't pay much attention to me, as my sister's smarter, and my brother tons more athletic. But whatever. Even if I was his favorite, he'd still be a homophobe. My mom point-blank told me he would "take a long time" to accept me, which is mom-speak for, "I don't think he ever will." I'm seventeen, and a junior in high school. I've kinda been thinking of just waiting to go to college to tell him, but I really wanna tell my friend. Would it be unethical to tell my buddy before my father?
     
  2. Ianthe

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    You should definitely tell your friend, and not wait until you tell your dad. We always recommend building a support system of accepting people before coming out to potentially unsupportive parents. It's important to have support in place before you do something like that.
     
  3. KTWK

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    There is no moral anything whatsoever on an "order" you need to tell people in! Tell who you want! Coming out is for you, not for anyone else. If you do not want to tell a certain person, then there is NOTHING saying you have to!
     
  4. Mirko

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    Hi there! Congratulations on your coming out journey thus far. :slight_smile:

    As it was mentioned above, there is no moral obligation in coming out to your dad next. As Ianthe mentioned, it would be good to have a good support system in place, given that your dad is homophobic and from the sounds of it, might need some time to adjust and come around to it.

    You already want to tell to a friend and you certainly seem to be ready for it. Why not try coming out to your friend and build on your support network that you have already started to create. The more support you have, the more acceptance you receive, you might find that you can deal and work with a potential negative reaction from your dad.

    What is your instinct telling you?
     
  5. EarthBound

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    These are wise words. You do not need to feel obligated to tell your dad first before a friend.
     
  6. SwatFox

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    That despite his feelings, my father is still my father and he should know. However, there is literally no one else I would particularly mind being open with. He is, unfortunately, the head coach at my school, and a good portion of my friends are jocks, so just being open minus dad wouldn't really work.
    However, you all make a really good point and I'll definitely think about letting my buddy know, first. Thanks, everyone.