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So Confused! Mixed Messages To The Max

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by coastgirl, Feb 7, 2013.

  1. coastgirl

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    Ok. So in a nutshell I have a friend. We are both lesbians. For about two months we've been getting to know each other better (we had been friends for about a year but didn't really hang out). I really liked her, and it seemed that I had a chance that she liked me too, so on Monday I asked her out to coffee and then said I had been enjoying hanging out with her and asked if she would ever want to go on a date sometime. She was really nice but said she "didn't think we should date". An odd choice of words, but at the time it had taken me so much effort to get to that point I didn't want to press it and ask why. I said she was an awesome person and she said no You're an awesome person. And she asked if we could still hang out. I quickly backpedaled and said yeah it's fine no pressure, let me know if you change your mind but I won't do anything.

    Well, I was all set to let some space between us, but 2 days later (yesterday) she starts texting me. She had just adopted a new dog, and she asks me how my day was and that I need to meet her new pup. I was nice and said yeah I wanted to. Then today she texts to see what I'm up to. I said I was busy until the afternoon and then no plans, and she didn't reply. I was dying to know what the heck was going on, so I texted her and asked how the pup was. She invited me over to meet him. It was just us. We were just playing with the dog, not really flirting just acting normal. At one point she said she has to work a 24 hour shift on the weekend and her roommates weren't home. I didn't offer right away, but eventually I offered to come over and hang with the dog for a bit the day she had nobody to take care of it. She was super happy about it, and all I can think is if I'm getting into something way too deep.

    Then about an hour later she asked if I was hungry and and said she felt like a beer and some tacos, and basically ended up asking me if I wanted to get dinner with her. ONE ON ONE. :dry: Of course I accepted, I still like her! So we end up at this place and it's like we are on a date. Unfortunately two of her sisters friends were also there randomly, and they wanted to join us :bang: ok fine. what was I gonna do? But during the dinner the girl I like pulls the "let me see your wallet" and takes out my ID and starts looking at it and playing with it. That's such a flirt move! Then she ends up paying for my dinner because I told her I'd watch her dog.

    Such a mindfrack!!! Does anyone have ANY insight? What is going on here? She is 24, I'm 28. We aren't in high school. I know her pretty well and I don't think she's that manipulative that she's just using me for the dog, since I offered it in the first place. There are other people she could ask to help her. I'm so lost...

    I thought by being clear and asking her out I was gonna get either a yes or a no, but it's turned into even more of a confusion than before. She initiated ALL of this after I asked her out. I was not pushing to hang out, and I didn't initiate texting.

    Do people ever change their minds?? I have lost all my ground and now my hopes are up again. Did I catch her off guard with asking her out?

    PS - my therapist (psychologist) told me yesterday that from what I told her she thought I had a really good chance because even she thought the girl liked me. :tears:
     
  2. pinklov3ly

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    I'm assuming she's just being nice as a friend, but she's definitely reeling you in. I'd say not to read too much into things just yet, that way you don't get your hopes up. Then again, she could be playing hard to get; some girls love to be chased. I feel your pain though, I'm babysitting for a friend who I used to date over a year ago. I love her, but I could never tell her how I feel. It makes me mad sometimes because I feel like she knows that I like her and is just messing with my mind. She does little things that makes me think that she likes me like that, but I think it's all in my head.

    I truly do not want to ruin the friendship, but I feel like I just need to come clean. I don't want to make things awkward between us because I have to see her 4 days out of the week. And I adore her kids, so I think I'll keep my mouth shut. I just hate feeling vulnerable and seeing her often doesn't help :frowning2:
     
    #2 pinklov3ly, Feb 7, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2013
  3. coastgirl

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    I just don't get why someone would do that...ask someone to go to dinner one on one with someone literally 3 days after they had asked you out. And this isn't something we would normally do together. And then kind of flirt on top of that.

    pinklov3ly - I have no regrets telling my friend I liked her. Well I didn't spill my feelings all over the place, I simply asked if she'd ever want to go on a date, which implies that I like her without being all dramatic. If the girl you like is a main source of employment (babysitting?) you might not want to do anything. But if she is just a friend and you truly think there is a chance....I don't know. I personally have no regrets, and this is after dying a slow horrible death NOT telling a prior crush that I liked them. Learned my lesson.
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    Maybe she gave it some thought after you asked her out. Since you're going to be keeping an eye on her new puppy, that's a good way to show her you can be trusted. I think sometimes people can grow on us, so I'm guessing she does like you. And yes, I'm keeping my mouth shut, if it's meant to be then time will tell.