Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experience

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

You honestly can't gauge what you like from porn.

IDK, l base it on what l'm naturally attracted to in my every day state, while not aroused.

l notice women without trying. When l'm in a mood where l'm turned on from watching porn or something, it's hard to gauge the specific things in porn that are turning you on. And mostly after l'm finished, there is no more confusion.

And unless you have actual OCD there's no reason to have the homosexual obsession lol. l think you sound more bicurious than gay though.

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

Yeah, you sound pretty much like any straight guy questioning himself.

It sounds like it's the being slightly aroused from dicks that turns you on. It's probably just because of the sexual "charge" of sex organs. They make you think of sex, which in turn arouses you. I am fully gay, but a vagina still can make me kind of horny for dick, just because it reminds me OF sex, if that makes sense.

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

l would honestly have to know whether you suffer from OCD onto answer these questions.

lt's really important to consider, actually. A person with OCD can and will obsess over things that are not based in reality, which could include orientation.

But it's rare that a person without OCD has a singular homosexual obsession. Do you know what l'm saying?

Then there is the person with OCD who actually is gay and probably attributes it to HOCD. You don't sound gay though.

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

You just seem bicurious and like it has caused you so much anxiety that it's confused you about your entire orientation. Seems somewhat common, especially in bi males.

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

Bottom-line, HOCD does not exist. However, you can be an OCD sufferer who obsesses/compulses over sexual orientation. But, the odds of you only showing OCD signs as of recently and only having them regarding your orientation are very, very slim. Not impossible, but highly unlikely.

That said, if you're concerned about other facets of your life that are making you think you may have OCD, you should go see a professional about it. None of us here are capable of diagnosing you, nor would it be responsible for us to do so.

For what it's worth, I am very gay and I do not get attracted to dicks. Like, at all. It's just not appealing. The only reason it's "hot" is because I can tell the guy is really aroused when he's hard, but besides that a picture of a dick isn't going to do anything for me. Doesn't make me any less gay though.

Only you can really give yourself an answer as to where your attractions lie. If I might suggest, stop reading way back into your past and focus on the current. Keep tabs on where you find yourself naturally looking over the next couple of days - guys or girls. If you want, you can try looking at porn again, but that doesn't seem to be working for you.

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

This may seem odd but I'm very rarely attracted to straight guys. I'm not saying that I won't think some shirtless model is hot just because he's straight, I just don't get that butterfly/nervous feeling I do when I meet a hot guy that's gay. This used to confuse the heck out of me back in high school, I was sexually aroused by guys in my fantasies but I could never experience that same type of attraction in real life. So I figured that I was straight with maybe a little Bi-curiosity, it wasn't until I was in my first relationship with a girl that I started to question myself again. Sex with a girl just didn't do it for me, it didn't feel right. Once I went away to college I met other gay guys with different interests, styles, and attractiveness then the limited sampling at my high school. My first year of college was an eye opening experience, for the first time a had relationships, flings, and crushes on other guys.

Though I can see similarities in your story to feelings I've had while figuring out my sexuality, I can't say for sure whether you're gay, bi, or straight. Sexuality is a complicated and personal thing, some people may think you're gay, others may think you're bi, but you'll never feel comfortable with either until you determine it for yourself, which may take some time.

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

Your main problem is performance anxiety. This is normal and lots of straight guys (and gay) can experience it as well. The more you worry or think about it, the more it's going to affect your performance. If you are of legal drinking age, having a glass or two of wine may calm you down. Don't get drunk or else that can also affect the ability to get an erection. If you aren't old enough, try meditating and taking slow deep breaths to calm yourself down.

As far as questioning your sexual orientation, do you find yourself attracted to girls in public? If so, then that eliminates the possibility of you being gay. Do you find yourself attracted to guys in public? If not, then that eliminates the possibility of being gay/bi. I really do feel you have HOCD. I think it's better to call if "sexual orientation OCD." About a year or so ago, I started having similar symptoms as you except in the reverse. I'm gay but kept hearing about all this sexual fluidity, bisexuality, changes from gay to bi, etc. that made me pretty uneasy and I began to question my sexuality. Am I truly gay? Will I change? If so when? What if I'm repressing my hetero side? 9 times out of 10 a guy I would meet a guy who identify as bi.... I felt trapped and alone as the only gay guy in this world. I obsessed over my sexuality daily. Am I bi? Will I ever turn bi? I started obsessively to check out lesbian or straight porn to see if I would get turned on. I also began to look at girls more closely in public to see if I could actually get turned on. It's OCD.. It is real. You are straight. I am gay. Relax.

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

Ok, first off how old are you? I know it sounds like a silly question but the younger you are the more common it is to be confused about your sexuality and frankly, watching porn, any porn is not a good idea to figure things out.

Why do you think you are gay? From what you have written above it doesn't sound like you are gay at all, it sounds more like you've had situations where you've tied to get it on with a girl, couldn't get a boner and because of it you are now questioning your sexuality by trying to force yourself to get turned on by gay porn...??? I don't think that is going to work.

So lets take it from the top, you said you can identify good looking guys... I think anyone can and does, although you'd have to look pretty hard to find a straight guy who will admit openly that another guy is actually good looking or hot... They might think it but unless they are very secure in their sexuality they will never admit it openly to others for the fear that someone might think that they are gay. If someone is good looking they are good looking and irrespective of your sex or sexual orientation you will know it... Doesn't mean you are sexually attracted to that person so the ability to spot good looking person of the same sex does not determine your sexual orientation.

But, being attracted to someone sexually does, so unless you find a guy you see sexually attractive, I don't really think you can call yourself gay or Bi... If you do however find another guy sexually attractive then you might very well be Gay or Bi.

Then your little stiffly problem that seems to have been the cause of all this confusion... It happens to a lot of people and it is more an issue of being nervous than anything else. Don't stress too much about it, in fact the more you stress and worry about it the more likely it is going to bother you again. If you are in a comfortable relationship one day that sort of thing will not really be an issue any more, so learn to relax!!!

As for penises and vaginas and what looks prettier, you have a penis, you are used to it, know what it looks like, comfortable with it... maybe that's why it looks better to you? The fact that you think a penis looks better than a vagina doesn't make you gay either.

Finally lets talk about the porn. Our minds are funny organs, we have the capacity to imagine things, create images from nothing... So if I say there are two naked people in the room next door rubbing each other... I'm pretty sure your mind already made up a picture in your head and for each one of us that picture will be different. So what was your picture, think about it, what was the first thing that came up in your minds eye? Was it a girl and a guy? Two girls? Two guys? Was it erotic? See I never gave you any of those details, your mind made it all up and naturally created the picture that you are most drawn to.

So the thought of sex, nudity, the sounds people make when having sex, all those things are stimuli and without even seeing an image your mind will create an image when confronted with the ideas and suggestions. Naturally that will turn you on and get you excited, but that excitement has very little to do with the actual porn which you haven't really analysed yet. You said so yourself, once you concentrated on the guys it really didn't turn you on, yet the idea of satisfying the woman with a big penis did... It's not the penis, but the idea of satisfying someone with it that you are attracted to.

So again, as I said above, don't go the porn route, it will not solve your issues, it might just confuse you even further which it clearly has.

When you are a teenager going trough puberty your body suddenly have to learn how to cope with a whole bunch of new hormones that it doesn't know how to controll yet. So anything can trigger a hard on, might be the wind blowing a funny way or a weird thought that pops into your mind. The older you get the more control you get over how your body will respond. Also, most people don't know this but your skin is the biggest sexual organ that you have... In fact it's your biggest organ period. Your skin is programmed to respond to touch... touching here and rubbing there will feel good and your body will respond to that good feeling. The thing is, your skin cannot distinguish as to who is doing the touching, whether it is a guy or a girl it will feel the same and your body will respond the same way. My point is, unless you are physically, emotionally and sexually attracted to someone, don't go and have sex with them to try and figure out who and what you are... It's not going to give you the answers you are looking for.

In time, you will know who you are attracted to, who you fall in love with... Whom ever that may be is what you will be. Don't force the issue, don't try to label yourself... In any case labels are so over rated. You'll realise who you check out when you walk down the street, is it girls that catch your eye or is it guys? Maybe it is both... That's how you will know... It will be the ones that catches your eye, if its girls then you're straight, if its guys then you're gay and if it is both, well then Bi would be a pretty good guess.

So Relax, go with the flow and you will find out who you like and who you are sooner than later.

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

Hey man you sound a lot like me. Im 23 now so I'm really starting to feel the pressure to figure this out. "Like I'm an adult now, puberty is over, etc.". Well I do have an obsessive mind, I am also an alcoholic and addict. In my disease you have an obsession (to use) and the a cumpulsion to act. OCD is the same way, yiu obsess, then you have an action to minimise your anxiety. I used to drink to minise my obsession to drink, but once I got going it was off and running, like a mind of its own. I began struggling with the obsession if my sexual orientation. Truth be told, I am not completely straight or gay because most folks arent. This obsession grew so terrible, with the constant googling and assurance seeking, I finally had to seek out therapy. Because I have an obsessive mind and I am vulnerable to addictive behaviir I have come to realise I have an addiction to pornography. Just sharing some of my experience here, just because you might find something mentally exciting or enjoy the visual of something in porn, does not mean you may like it in real life, but you might. I have acted on same sex interests before and its not like a fantasy or porn. Please don't rush into the real thing, just to try and figure yourself out. It left me more confused than ever. Good luck buddy, also...check out "yourbrainonporn.com"

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

Ok, your boner issues is due to anxiety, so the more you stress about it the more likely your not going to get one so that's an issue that you can deal with by seeking a therapist that specialises in that sort of hing. Don't feel shy about it, lots of people suffer from it and you can fix it but you need to take that step to actually see someone about it.

As for your orientation... When you walk down the street , sit at a club, or go shopping, who catches your eye? Are you checking guys or girls out?

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

Honestly I think we instinctively check out people whom we are attracted to whether we like it or not. It's not really something you can fool yourself with or control, yes you can try to pretend that you didn't see that guy or girl but you know you did...

I've tried for years to be straight, because of society, because of my family, because of my religion and because of this idyllic picture that I had of the perfect life which I wanted for myself, a heterosexual life. And with all the will power I still checked out the guys rather then the girls even though I wished with all my heart that I didn't.

So you checking out girls doesn't seem like a fake reaction to me, in my opinion it sounds more like that's who and what you are. Somehow I think your whole fear about your sexuality is still your bad experiences with getting a hard on, that really doesn't define your orientation.

I don't know if you can, but I really would suggest that you go speak to a therapist that will help you work trough all this confusion. You don't have to suffer like this. Besides if you do turn out to be Bi or Gay a councillor or therapist should be able to help you with that too although I seriously doubt that you are.

 

Re: Still can't figure out my orientation. have some questions for people with experi

Well that's awesome news... Why not print out this discussion and take it with you and have your therapist read trough it at the beginning of the session, might help...

The longing feeling in your stomach is genuine dude, can't fake that!!! Your stressing for all the wrong reasons... If you happen to be Bi, which I guess you could be but still don't think you are, it would be ok too!

I'm going to make a prediction that things are going to turn out fine for you! Keep us updated on how things turn out tomorrow... And if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to drop me a message on my page.

Good luck with tomorrow!!!