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Love sucks for Frat boys.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by DavyBoy, Feb 8, 2013.

  1. DavyBoy

    DavyBoy Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2013
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Louisville
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I'm really not sure where to begin but I'll explain the best I can. I'm in a fraternity and things have been going great. My first semester was wonderful and the best part is everyone is supportive of my sexuality, sitting down whenever I ask and they'll listen to anything I'm going through. But now we have new guys in and one of them is gay, most importantly he is interested and everything I've been looking for. He is sweet, caring, comes from the same screwed up home life, and enjoys spending time with me. We spent one night together, nothing sexual, just a night curled up on the couch, no kissing, no skin, juts curled up on the couch. I woke up the next day and realized what I had just done, even though deep down it felt right, I felt something special about him. We've joked about it since and said we will do it again, and I really want to, but I'm afraid of what may happen. I want to be with him and I want to help him through all the things I have gone through, that he is currently going through. I fear that if I went through with it and something happened it would not only hurt him but the Chapter. The question is, should I date a brother and maybe find some real happiness with someone but at the same time run the risk of hurting the chapter if something were to happen and we break up.
     
  2. Monty93

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2012
    Messages:
    31
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    Location:
    Kentucky
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    You couldn't possibly understand how much I can relate...

    I joined my fraternity last semester, and have had a very similar experience. The first person I ever came out to was an openly gay pledge brother, and at first he was one of the things I needed most in life: a friend, a confidant, and as I was hoping, something more. We spent a few nights together (also nothing sexual), though we did make out a few times. I must have misinterpreted some signals because once I tried to take it to a higher level, he told me we needed to stop and that he wouldn't be with a closet case. We haven't "fooled around" since then.

    He left the fraternity about halfway through our pledge semester. Bright side? It wasn't because of what happened between us (very few others in the fraternity know what happened at all), and we've remained great friends since then. In fact, we're currently roommates. The advice I can offer? Based on my experience, it doesn't have to make things awkward if you pursue and something goes wrong. If you both are mature enough to realize when it isn't working, and put the past behind you, it can lead to a good friendship.

    However, if I speak as an objective third party, I can't help saying be cautious. If you both remain in the fraternity and everything goes south (and not in the good way :icon_wink ), it can hurt the relationship permanently, and put the rest of your brothers in a tough spot. I figure the best way is to talk it out with him, and decide on what you both think is best. If you both have feelings for each other, go from there and be aware of the potential consequences. I just hate advising you to leave it alone, because I know what it's like to go on wondering "What if?"

    Hope this helps!