Hello everyone Ive heard from a friend of mine that this forum is an excellent place to speak to people for advice and help. Im new here so please be nice to me! Anyway here is my story... Ive been struggling with my sexuality since I was 16 years old. I discovered that I felt different from the rest of my guy friends. I didnt feel attracted to women or had any desires to go out with one of them. Throughout my high school years I was hiding in the closet, I felt scared because most of my guy friends would talk about homosexuality really bad and sometimes would pick on other people in school. Because of this I forced myself to go out with girls to make myself fit in and try to get rid of the desires I have for guys. I went out with this girl for at least 2 years. I was showing this facade to everyone, I felt disgusted because I was lying and Ive always hated lying since I was young. Fast forward to now.. Im turning 20 soon and I think its that time of my life that I finally come out of the closet. Im sick of lying to people that I love and cherish. It makes me sick to the gut that Im lying to them. Im scared to come out to my parents because I was brought up in a Roman Catholic family. Im scared that my entire family will disown and not accept me for who I am. Im scared that they might cut me off in their lives. Basically im terrified of coming out.. Every Sunday, my family will go to church and I always refuse because I dont wanna attach myself to a religion that will hate me for who I am. As soon as my parents and siblings go to church, I will run upstairs in my parents bedroom (they have a small altar) and pray, pray, pray and pray that someone up there will help and fix me. I cry all the time because I couldnt handle the pressure. Im also the eldest in the family which adds a great burden on my shoulders. There was a time when I was contemplating of committing suicide because of the amount of pressure that I have. My family are constantly asking why I dont have a girlfriend, I always tell them that 'I dont have time and I'm happy being single' which of course is another lie. I want to be with someone, since I was 16 I felt extremely lonely. I cant express my feelings to people that I like because of the fear that I will get bullied and my parents finding out about it. There are times that I wish that I was born into a family which arent religious and will accept me regardless of my sexual orientation. I have told some of my friends about my current situation and Im thankful that they have accepted me, its a shame because my friends accept me more than my parents. There was a time when my family went to church and I just ran to the bathroom, turned on the shower and put the water temperature to max cold. I couldnt feel my entire body after that, I thought I was gonna collapse and just die there. The pressure is really getting in to me and I cant lie to people anymore but I dont have the courage to come out. I dont want to feel lonely and I cant lie anymore, my conscience wont let me. I want someone to be there for me and just accept me for who I am. Basically..I want to be happy At the moment Im writing a coming out letter for my parents, I will give it to them on the day I turn 20 years old...but I dont have the courage.. I really dont know what to do..Please guys..help..any help will greatly appreciated. Thank you.
I'm in your same position but i'm 28 and I still can't come out to my family, they are also religious, I have no intention of telling them and i'm trying to move to a different country so I would have my space and that they wouldn't know. my advice is if you can depend on yourself then maybe you can come out to them but if you still rely on them then you should consider waiting a bit I hope that when you come out to them they would accept you
First of all, welcome to EC :icon_bigg This is a great place to get advice for these kinds of things from a ton of supportive people! Well, I'll do the best I can, but since I myself haven't come out to my parents yet, I don't really have firsthand experience. Now, from what I could gather, at least you have come out to and accepted yourself (At least for the most part), which is great! And have also come out to a few friends, which will provide a good support group and people you can fall back on if things get rough. Coming out a religious family is generally an undoubtedly scary and stressful experience, due to the attitude many religious people may have toward gay people. However, there are also many religious people and churches that are openly accepting of lgbt people (maybe not so many catholic ones, but still). Have your parents ever talked much about the subject and how they feel about it? Do they often make homophobic remarks? If they're openly hostile about it, then maybe now may not be the best time, and you should probably wait until you're at least somewhat independent and out of their house (unless you already are). If they're not that bad about it, well, still tread lightly, because it doesn't sound like they're openly supportive either. If you feel that a letter is the best way to tell them everything you want to say, then go for it (that's my plan too ), but make sure you're completely ready to take the leap. And be ready to have a follow up conversation at some point too. Also, from what I could tell, it seems like you're at that point in life where you're starting to become more independent from your parents, so it'll probably be a bit easier. But if you're not ready, well, you can still be true to yourself and live openly if you're away at college or something and tell your parents when you're fully ready. But I don't really know how homophobic your parents are, although being religious it may still be hard for them regardless. But most parents, even the ones that seem the most fervently religious, eventually come around and become supportive of their child. While when it's their own child it may be difficult, they will usually come out a better person and more accepting parent. But you know your parents best, so it's your judgement on when you want to do it. And even if it's hard for them at first—they may act coldly, grieve, or react in some other negative way—your supportive friends that you came out to should be there to lend you support and help you through it as well. But once it's out in the open, even if there is some tension for awhile, at least you finally have nothing to hide anymore, and don't have to worry about putting on all those facades and lying to people. Again, I haven't personally come out to my own parents yet, but drawing on my own experiences and the experiences and advice of others, I hope I was at least able to help in some way I wish you the best of luck (*hug*)
