For my entire life I've always identified as straight, until recently that is, thanks, in large part to... the L word haha. Now, I'm starting to think I may be as straight as a hula hoop :icon_bigg Anyway, I've slept with plenty of guys but I've never been caught-up in the moment, you know? It's always very mechanical (for me), I'm detached and almost numb. I'm not grossed out by the guy or by the acts and I don't feel guilty about having a ONS, I just have no feelings about it at all. For those who have seen it, the best way to describe it is I feel mostly like the main character in But I'm a Cheerleader! when she's making out with her bf, just going through the motions. I'm very much in my head, what should I do with my hands? what's he doing now? how long will this part last? Until recently I always thought that the ability for people (maybe just girls? idk) to get really into it or lost in the moment was a fictional thing. It's particularly evident in books IMO, the characters heads are always "clouded" and they can only focus on the task at hand. I just figured making sex appear so intoxicating was artistic license. So, now I'm curious. Is that feeling/state-of-mind real? Does this really happen to people? Or is everyone else as in-their-head as me? Maybe it's just because I've never hooked up with a guy that I had romantic feelings for? Can anyone relate? Hope this made sense, I had trouble deciding how to phrase it.
Ok yes same. Everything you just said there is me and for me I definately used that as one of the.. i dont know the word, signs? (maybe) That I wasnt actually straight. Along with the fact that I find girls hot etc, although that part took me longer to figure out.. I guess its just a bunch of things that all add together and then the siren went off in my head and I was just like oh shit ok Im gay. haha. Theres a thing called the kinsey scale and that helped me a wee bit, if you google it its like a quick test thing, that could help you out a bit.. idk, Im useless at this making sense stuff and probably the fact that I plan to carry on living a straight life until after uni doesnt help.. but I think its just one of those things you have to take time to figure out.. good luck!