Did you ever hate your own parents?

I love my parents, but at the same time I feel hurt whenever is see them I feel betrayed since they always tell me they'd love me if I became a serial killer but when i came out to my mom she asked how could she love me anymore? Even though my parents spout Anti-gay things EVERYDAY and monitor my friends for any "Feminine" one's who they can accuse for causing me to be gay I still love them because they are still my parent's regardless, I juts feel a bit bitter towards them.

 

While I have never had any real hardships or obstacles encountered, I can pretty safely say that no I don't love my parents unconditionally. If my parents disowned me when they found out I was gay then that would have simply been the end of that. I could never love someone who would do that to someone they loved over something so trivial. If a parent can stop loving a child for who they're attracted to then their "love" was just selfish and convenient.

 

I think it is natural and normal to "hate" your parents at some point. Its kind of a dance, they push, you pull, and so on.

I think for the way they view homosexuality, consider this:
People are creatures of information. We analyse the environment around us, and we collect information and make stigmas and inferences. If they have information around them that tells them that homosexuality is wrong, then thats what they are going to believe. Furthermore, if they build this identity of you since birth, that society says you are going to grow up and you are going to have a wife and kids, and you are going to play sports, and they are to ignorant to the signs that you might be gay (maybe intentionally ignorant), then it is only natural to argue with information that fits into their narrow view of the world.

Stigmas and judgement are good things to an extent, they help us make good decisions, and they shape our personality and ideas, but if they remain un-stretched and influenced by ignorant people and groups, then that is when they become exclusive and negative.

 

I once had a friend say to me that she didn't understand how someone could hate their mum and I replied, I cant understand how someone could love thier mum no matter her actions.

I do think its a shame but I cant see my relationship with my mum being any different, sometimes peoples behaviour I guess does just push you away. She tells me she loves me and so on but I just think I have no connection with her and she is far from kind to me a lot of the time. The fact that she is my mum has no impact on how I treat her, if someone else treated me the way she does I would have the exact same feelings towards them. I think I just dont see how to exempt her from that like everyone else manages to with thier parents.

To be honest my post is probably zero use, I just was trying to explain I can understand where you are coming from and someone else is in the same boat..

 

I think every teen, whether they're gay or not, has said that they "hate" their parents even if just for something silly :/ so don't feel bad if you say you "hate" your parents.

Now, I can sort of understand your position with your parents because well... I'm in a similar position with my dad, he says he loves me and he always will but he can't really accept that I'm gay and that it's just eventually going to cause a rift between us because he doesn't want to be part of my "life style". While it did hurt what he said I can also understand where he's coming from because he was never raised to believe that being gay is OK and to look at as something bad... so I can't really change his ideals from day to night, I have to give him sometime. If time is not the answer and it pains me to say this but he might not be there for me later in my life which can be sad but I know that unlike him I will have my arms wide open for/if the day comes where he accepts it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't let it bother you too much that your parents are acting the way they are because let's face it... they could have done a lot worse but they didn't and they have said they love you. Right now it sounds like they're going through a kind of "loss and grief" process which is understandable because I'm sure they had a road map to life they wanted you to follow and now they're looking at the possibility of you not following the map they wanted you to. In the end all they might need is time, you should try to focus on what's ahead knowing that you did what you needed to do and now it's up to them to figure it out with you giving them a hand when they need it .

 

I hated mine for ages! But staying bitter rots you inside so i had to forgive them and move on

 

Hi,

Always keep in mind jerks have kids too and being the child of a jerk does not give the jerk a lifetime pass to treat the child badly.

Stuck

 

I've never really hated my parents as a teen. Even growing up and feeling slightly restricted in my socialising as I realised that they were just looking out for me in the long run. However, now, after coming out and feeling comfortable with who I am I do have a slight resentment for them building up. I just feel angry at times with them because there's a part of me that feels that if I thought that they had made me feel more like I had nothing to hide and could tell them anything then I may have come out years ago. I'm sure that when I do tell them they will be fine but on the other hand if they're not then it's nothing to me now as I did my biggest life-altering move without them including having to move out from my family and find a place to live so I know that I can get on without them just fine.

BoiGeorge does have it though, keeping the anger there will rot you on the inside and I intend on telling them to prevent that for myself regardless of their response because I will no longer be angry towards them if they prove to be ignorant and unsupportive. That is their choice to believe and feel what they want as long as they know how I feel.

 

NNo and yes because parent's aren't singular but plural not true in all cases in every family though. One of the first things you must do is separate parenthood from individuality cause ythe older you get like me taht you realize that parent is not something given but earned like respect. You can equally earn it or lose it depends on Responsibility someting lost on the U.S Gen Yr's like me even cause of broken families and children out of wedlock. Another aspect to consider is frustration vs authentic anger with true reasons vs temporary frustration. Realize that parents are human as me and you who make mistakes and being a parent is hard especially with how fast the world is changing now days vs in thier pasts.

 

Both my parents are jack-asses, but I still love them and they still love me. Luckily mine are not superstitious lunatics that believe gay love is the devil incarnate.

 

I can't use the word Hate so much as disliked. My mother was adorable and loving. She was also weak and bowed to my dad. He mentally abused her and berated her for the years I lived at home. She never once stood up to him. No matter what the situation. Many times she changed her mind completely because he said she was just a woman and she was stupid. I thought the term woman and stupid were synonymous. He was an arrogant bastard and an abuser not in the physical sense though.
I was raised to fit right in step with my mother and be the happy bowing little homemaker. My brother was some sort of king. He was male and therefore not stupid.
I made only one mistake. I was having serious difficulty with this liking boys thing. I was in high school and seventeen. My confusion was such I needed to talk to someone. My brother and I never got along. He was a pain in my ass all the time. I told him one day about the difficulty. MISTAKE That night I packed and moved in with a great aunt that now I know was a lesbian she was a spinster and had this lady friend who came over to play cards. Well when I went to bed i know now what playing cards was all about. I left to protect my mother. Had she even tried to side with me which she may have. My dad would have run roughshod over her the rest of her life.
My mother was weak and my dad a bastard and by brother was a pain in the ass.
My mom and dad are deceased and I have spoken to my brother two times since that fateful day when I told him I like girls.
Hate no disillusioned yes. Did I love them no in the end i had absolutely no feelings about them at all. It was as if they never existed. My brother is a minister now and talks down those miserable queers and even though we live in different states I know he is still a pain in the ass.

 

ohhhh hell yeah, did i hate my parents. especially my mom. hated her guts on and off for years. but time, distance and life experience has nulled such hatred and now we have a pretty good relationship. at least, until i come out to her (if ever) we have a good relationship.

time and separation can do a lot to people.

 

I love my mom, hate my step-dad.

 

I never hated my parents. Quite the contrary, I love them. They're really stand up people. But then, I'm not out to them and I have absolutely no idea how they'll react when I tell them.

 

I often hate their attitude towards me being gay, not hate them themselves.

 

I don't hate them. Like someone said, hatred is a poison that can honestly effect your life in ways you don't even realize.

Saying that, I don't care for them. I haven't contacted them in years, and I don't want contact from them. I don't understand this concept where society says that family is everything/you must love them/it's eternally damning if you don't get on with them.

I treat (or treated, I suppose) my family like I would with strangers. If they're nice and stand up people, I'll be nice in return and get on with them, and gradually they would integrate into my life. The flip side is true though, if they're dicks, I don't want to know them.

Alas, my family is infested with pricks (minus one sister, but neither of us care for the drama that revolves around a relationship with estranged family members, so we don't keep in contact much), so I don't want to know them. I didn't want to be related to be dicks, but it happened, it's life and I've moved on.

I always ask this to people who complain about family members; would you put up with them/their actions if they weren't related to you? Most people say no, they wouldn't. So why do they put up with them? Really is mind boggling to me lol

 

I don't have my parents. I hate their actions and thoughts towards gay people, as if gay people were an inferior kind of human being. Obviously, I feel deeply hurt by that as well.

 

Hate takes way too much energy and frankly it's not worth poisoning yourself for it.

Realise your parents aren't perfect, no one is, accept their faults, their failures, that they have them, will always have them and move on. Keep your side clean, it certainly does not mean you need to take their insults but forgive, try to forget and live your life the way you want to live it... It's YOUR life and not theirs.

They obviously care for you, if they didn't they wouldn't want to try and change you or for that matter send you text messages. Stand strong in who and what you are, be true to yourself and politely tell them how it's going to be... If they can't accept that then it's their problem to deal with it and not yours.

Trust me, hate is not worth the energy you need to spend on it and eventually will turn on you and bite you in the butt!!!