I have become very depressed as of late. I don't know why. Maybe it's because the person I like, who had previously agreed to go out on a date with me, did not reply to a message which I know he read because of some carnival he attended with his friends and therefore he didn't have the time for me. Maybe it's because after two weeks at home, I realized that no one actually bothered contacting me in any way, asking me how I was and if I wanted to hang out. The only times people ever seem to contact me, is because of one reason they all have in common with each other. They need something from me. Do you know how that makes me feel? I help people just for the sake of being noticed, I help them with notes, and they notice me until they get what they want. Then they won't look at you anymore until they need something else. 2 years ago, when I helped no one, I was virtually a ghost. Now, I'm just visible for a few minutes. My troubles at home, parents fighting etc. went down a notch, as did my father's drinking, but I'm too depressed to relish that. I'm tired of everything about my life, or the nothingness in it. All I can ask is, why me? Why am I the only one in my entire class, 180-strong, who is the one people go to just for notes and stuff and then ignore once done? The person I like, I wonder if he just doesn't want to say he's not into me because he's afraid I might not help him anymore if he said that. he's causing me a lot more hurt and anguish these days then he would have with a simple 'no'. I have no one to talk to, except a therapist I'm seeing every two weeks. It's tiring, when you see other people together, even as friends, yet I'm the only one outside that circle. If I try stepping in it, I am met with scowls or looks of amusement. I know a guy who is in my class, and has a mental dysfunction, he acts like a child in so many ways. He walks like a robot on purpose. Climbs one step at a time, and acts outlandishly weird and childish plus his voice sounds like a drainage pipe, literally. Yet he has friends. I act normally, just being me. I have no friends. What the fuck. Why is everyone so against me? Seriously, why me?
I hate how people actually recognize you just because they want something! Out of all honestly, I think you should be more open-minded if you aren't already. As in, if there are people that you wouldn't normally think you would be friends with then TRY at least making some conversation with one of them about classes, etc and then root off from there. I think your problem is you constantly think people come to you for notes so you just give them notes and expect them to leave, how about try talking to them other than giving them notes? With the boy, is he openly gay? I really think you should ask him up front about how he feels about you rather than hide your feelings away without him knowing. Being more assertive and demanding will get you answers, in my opinion and he won't think of you as a push over and will take you more seriously. Good luck !!
I try conversations but they don't work. You can tell that they don't want to talk with you and the conversation falls flat. He knows I'm gay, and he knows that I have feelings for him. I guess I should never have told him.
Sorry for making all these attention threads, I'm going through a bit of a rough time and it makes me feel more lonesome than ever, so I've been venting a lot through here unfortunately :/ I'm feeling a little better now, even though things at home have gone to shit again.
Hi Niqk we all have these issues one time or another. Good to see you are 'venting' it on here, cause you'll get support from us. It's hard if you feel you are being 'used' by others and they don't give you anything back in return.. at least we can give you a 'virtual' hug here
