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coming out...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sayitforreals, Mar 8, 2008.

  1. sayitforreals

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    So yeah, Im bi, I think. I dont really know, I know im attracted to guys, but I just, i dunno its weird. BUT coming out. I am out to like 3 people, and those were like the hardest things to do ever, and it feels like i would rather die than tell my parents i wasnt straight. It feels like my stomach is in my mouth every time I think about it. I would think it would get easier the more you do it, but I suppose three isnt enough, even though they were hella supportive. Its also weird because I think my parents know anyways. I kind of set off gaydars without meaning to, and im pretty sure they have found some things on the computer:icon_redf . My mom even kind of asked me once, but the thought of telling her makes me sick. I dont know, theres not really a question here, I guess I just needed to put this somewhere, which I havent really been able to do. thanks for reading.
     
  2. sayitforreals

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    Just a little more putting things out there..

    I really cant imagine myself in a relationship with anybody, especially a guy, because I am really self concious(sp?) and I dont like the way i look and it sucks. Ehh, though im pretty happy with my life right now, I am enjoying this venting session, it makes me feel better.
     
  3. Tim

    Tim
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    I know how you feel, I went through the same thing (the venting thing I mean, look at my thread if you wanna see how much I vent XD)

    But I know how you feel on the self-conscious part, I'm one of the most self conscious people I know, so yea, like you said, couldn't imagine myself in a relationship. I thought things would be horrible when I told my mom, who is a minister in training, but she was really accepting.

    If you ever need to vent about random things, feel free to PM me XD, My friends do it all the time on myspace, so I'm used to it =P
     
  4. nickmc

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    I'm in a similar sort of situation to you except that i am not attracted to women at all and am still completely in the closet. So I kinda know what you're going through.

    Just know that there is no hurry to tell your mum and if she does suspect, when you DO tell her it'll be better since she has probably already worked through some of the potential issues 'just in case.'

    Coming out is not easy (there is a reason I'm still completely in the closet) and I just want to tell you that I think it's great that you've had enough courage to tell some of your friends already :eusa_clap . If you ever want to vent or want support feel free to PM anytime.
     
  5. KaraBulut

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    Derek892:

    The first part of coming out is coming out to yourself. That means accepting yourself for who you are. And it means liking yourself as a gay, lesbian or bisexual person- not in spite of it.

    The second step is to come out to the important people in your life.

    Why is this first step important? Because there are a lot of really stupid people out in the world who think they know stuff about gay people. They don't- but to deal with these people, you really have to be comfortable and confident with yourself.

    There is no reason to rush the process of coming out. It's more important to work through that first part about accepting and liking yourself. Then when you have done that, chose a few supportive and caring friends to come out to so that you will have someone to talk to and to support you.

    And I always tell people that- while I think it is important to have an honest relationship with your parents - the timing of coming out to them is very important. You know your parents better than we do. If you fear that your parents will throw you out of the house, or that they will get violent or that they will just totally freak out, it may be better to wait until you're older, you have a job to support yourself and that you have a place to go if you need to leave your parent's house for a while.

    If your parents are supportive and especially if they are open-minded or have gay friends or relatives, then coming out to them will often answer a lot of their questions and it will allow you to be more open and honest about what is going on in your life. It's not unusual for parents to ask you before you have decided to tell them- especially these days when more parents know gay people.

    Take your time. There is no need to rush.
     
    #5 KaraBulut, Mar 9, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2008
  6. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I completely second this advice: some of the best advice on coming out I've seen. I too believe, and have found with myself, that the first thing is to come out to yourself: not just in a "I think I'm gay" kind of way, but to ACCEPT it, and like it. I'm not out to my parents yet, just to a group of friends (although this group is ever-expanding), but at present I don't feel comfortable enough in myself to do so. Coming out involves an awful lot of inner-strength on your part, and you have to make sure that you are comfortable enough and strong enough in yourself to do so.

    It is also good to vent stuff on EC: that is what we are all here for!! It is good to have the opportunity to say and ask things in an anonymous forum.

    But I would also say, that just because you are gay, and that you are sure of this, there is no need to rush coming out. Rather than doing it at the first possible opportunity, do it at the best opportunity. If in doubt, bide your time. No one is rushing you, and you should not rush yourself.

    Good luck, and I hope you like EC!
     
  7. darkestknight

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    Don't worry too much about it, just accept the way you are. No need to label yourself first - just be yourself, and go with the flow. Sometimes, you need some free time, or perhaps meditate or whatever to think about what you actually like. Or also, go and speak to a college/school councellor about it.

    If you think telling your ma is an uncomfortable thing to do, then you better not do it first. And don't rush too much on coming out - do it one by one and steadily.

    Hope that helps. :thumbsup:
     
  8. sayitforreals

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    I really appreciate this guys. Its nice to have somewhere to go when those friends who know arent quite available (different schools).