Hello guys! Wynter here again First of all, thank you for the people who reply to the previous thread I posted I really appreciate the advice and my friend was right that this place is great! Anyway.. During my time in 6th form, I really had a shit time, it was awful because I got lots of haters for some reasons and the majority of my friends all went to college because they didnt get the grades required to get into 6th form. This boy (lets call him Jay) has been one of my best friends since Year 7, I grew up with him and been through a lot. When we both entered Year 12, I started to notice some changes in our friendship, he started acting like a douche bag, he became extremely arrogant and judgmental which isnt him at all, I guess was doing it to fit in with other people. As days past I started avoiding him because of his bitchy behaviour, when I see him in the corridor I try my best to ignore him. I felt extremely sad because this was the time I was having problems with my sexuality and he was the only one I can talk to and the fact that hes a very good listener (always have been). But I became afraid of Jay, I was afraid that if I tell him my problems he will spread it around the school and that I might get bullied. Year 12 finished and we moved to our final year. I was extremely stressed and anxious, almost everyday I will cry or skip school because of the people that somehow hates me for no reason and Jay not being there for me. If I try to speak to him, he will always insult me and the people with him will join and start insulting me too. I wanted to grab and shout at him ,tell him my feelings that im really angry and frustrated. I started counting the days, I wanted 6th form to finish as fast as possible, I was in the brink of quitting but I tried to keep myself drowned into my studies and pass the final exams. After finishing Year 13 I deleted most of the people from my school on Facebook, some I blocked so they cant see or comment on anything on I post because even online they find a way to annoy me or just be total douche bags. I blocked Jay on Facebook and I didnt speak to him for almost a year. Last month I unblocked Jay and he messaged me saying how the two of us arent friends on Facebook and that he doesnt understand the reason why I deleted him. I told him my reasons and it led to some teary eyed conversations. He apologized to me and that I accepted it. So now, we started talking again but for some reasons I had these feelings which wasnt there before, somehow I felt really attractive to him. Every time he sends me messages I smile like a moron and I get these happy feelings. He sends me messages telling me how much hes missed me and that he cant wait to see me again. We talked on Facebook and texted each other if he has the time. A week after that I just found out that he has a girlfriend, this somehow crushed my feelings and I immediately knew nothing will never happen between me and him. The other week I asked TWICE if hes doing something for Valentines day, I felt like a complete moron because I forgot that hes got a girlfriend and that he already told me that hes going to hang around with her, spend some "good" time as he called it. I promised myself that I will never like a best friend/friend, that a line I can NEVER cross but somehow for Jay...its different. I dont know what to do, I really like him and I often look at our old photos back then and I really miss him. I havent seen him for at least a year so it'll be extremely awkward when that time comes. What do I do guys? Should I come out to him and tell him my feelings? Or is it better to get over him and just move on? HELP. :bang:
I hate to be blunt here...but you need to get over him. I have had a gazillion straight crushes, the best way I find to get over them is just delete them from your life, because itsn't fair what you are expecting from them, but yet you can't just keep your emotions in a hay wire all the time. I always tell them that I am gay and about my feelings, mainly because it makes it even easier to get over it, they'll get weirded out by it and not contact you as much. So if you have the skin for that go for it. But yes in my opinion the key word is get over him. Don't entertain fantasies. (Some people like doing that though so).
While I agree that it's futile to crush on him, and that he should try and let those feelings go, I would definetly advise against letting the friendship go too. Good friendships are not things one comes upon every day; they're something to be treasured. Instead, I would reccomend either of two things: A) If you think he could handle it, tell him about your feelings, but explain to him you realize that he's straight, and you're cool about that. Assure him that you want to be friends and that nothing has to change. If he's a good friend, he'll learn to deal with it. It may weird him out a little at first, but after he wraps his mind around it, he's sure to be accepting. At this point you explain to him that you need some time to sort of calm down, and deal with your feelings, but that when you're ready, you definetly want to keep being friends. B) If you don't think he can handle it. Just try and distance yourself from him for a while, but still be nice. Just try to avoid hanging out in person too much. Either way, as long as you don't reinforce these feelings, they will fade eventually, which would be for the best. You may always have special feelings for him, but you'll be able to accept that you can't be together.
