dating

when you find out please let me know xD

 

There really isn't a "dating scene", unless you count people just looking for hookups (if you're into that kind of thing, there are plenty of websites that would be perfect I assume).

If you're looking for a real relationship, well, it's fairly simple. Get out, meet people. You may eventually meet someone who shares your interest and sexual orientation, and then ask them out. Voila! Success.

 

Let me know, too! I know I'm only 20, but I want to know there's hope.

Because as of right now, there's like no hope for dating! I really have no clue how people do it.

 

*******.com is good, and I believe in Meetup.com

I may not be in my late twenties, but all of my friends are either in their late twenties, or thirties, and they seem to use those sites, and it has worked out really well for them!

 

Ohhh, that's assuming you live in a place that, you know, has some good people.

I would actually discourage those sites if you don't live in a really open area. Even at that - watch out.
I signed up for a free Match account. I get like, daily emails about "locals to meet." Yikes.... there's not been one person I've said "DAMN." Everyone is just "blehh."

And then, most sites will be focused towards hookups. And Ty, maybe your friends and you just are all gifted in the looks department. If you're not athletic/ripped/muscley/manly, you are screwed. Almost every post from any attractive person is "be manly, attractive, and manly, and manly, and hot, and manly, and have a big ****."

I'm not trying to be negative, but it's not as easy as it sounds. There's so many factors. The online world is not what it's cracked up to be.

 

You say get out and meet people like it's easy.

 

If something is making you feel unhappy, then perhaps what is comfortable is what is causing it. Taking a risk sometimes is not "easy", but it can be worth it.

And I asure you photoguy, not all of my friends are super models, and I certainly am not either. Im flattered you find me attractive, but its not about that, and Im not shallow enough to only have attractive friends. Its not looks that I look for in a partner either, because that all fades eventually anyways, and what happens if thats all thats important to you in the first place?

 

I assume you've had a relationship? That you've connected with people? Dated? I ask this because I don't think you get it.

Looks aren't all that are important. But I really think you'd be singing a different tune if you saw what my dating pool includes. I want a nice guy. But I also don't want to be with someone who makes me think they are going to take me to a dark, wooded area with a gun...(I know that anyone can do that, but still!)

I shouldn't deserve any less. I shouldn't have to drop my standards because the guys I want don't give two shits about me.

So maybe I'll just be forever single. I don't know. I just want to stand up for the guys like me who are either consistently forgotten about, or who really just can't "go out and get it." As was said above, it is NOT that easy.

 

Well, I made my recommendation. Online dating can be a good option, as long as its not a hookup site, and you are really authentic with the people you talk to in what you are looking for, and who you are.

Dating isnt easy no matter where you are in the world, and FYI I actually started dating my partner when I was in a really rural conservative area, where you can pretty much hear the banjo playing in the background, but hey, I obviously have no idea what Im talking about right?

Fact of the matter is, if you allow yourself to be "out-there", no strings attached (no second guessing yourself or whatever) then the right person will come along, but no matter where you start looking for guys, if you are stuck in your own head you are going to miss the chance to connect with someone, even if they are the right person.

 

Obvious question: have you actually approached these guys you're interested in? Or is this a case of "oh, they're so out of my league, I'm not gonna bother"?

Admittedly, online dating isn't for everyone. Online dating also creates a "marketplace" mentality. And yeah, you'll meet a lot of people who will judge you based on your profile alone. But if you don't give it a shot, you will always get no return.

 

I'm glad you made your recommendation. I greatly appreciate that. We all have to have a say.

I have no qualms with a dating site. I just don't think it's the right thing to do for the place and time in my life right now. And as I said - from what I've already seen, it's not worth it.

Well that's good. Glad you were able to find that. No need to be offended. But I do think it's very hard for people in conservative areas.

Look - I completely agree with you. Truth be told, I am extremely self conscious (why do you think I have no picture up here?)

Let me put it this way - some of us guys aren't as open as you are. Why do we have to be the ones who go out and make the first moves? I'd really like a guy looking after me and saying "hey, I think you're kinda cool!"

Maybe I'm just not getting the right idea. Sorry for the waste of time!

---------- Post added 10th Feb 2013 at 08:08 PM ----------

I did it once - (yes, I've only approached one guy.) He had a boyfriend who worked in the same store. Damn loud music...

I also have some bad online experiences. I've kind of... ruined it, haven't I? haha.

 

There are a few realities you must take into consideration when looking for a date:

1) we supposedly make up 3-5% of the population.
2) many of us are closeted, and some who are more open, may not be obviously gay
3) if you watch a dating website over time, you may notice that many of the same people you first saw on that site, are still on that site
4) when you see someone who you are attracted to, strike up a conversation. A little ways into the convo, you, or the other party, should be able to sense the connection
5) I'm not an expert, and have only gotten lucky enough to go on a date one time

I almost went on a date with a guy from a dating site, in which I cancelled the membership in 2 weeks, and he invited me over to his house after midnight the first day we met; although, our date was set for the end of the week. In return, I cancelled the date. If you're looking for a quality relationship, I've come to realize that it's GOING TO TAKE TIME. I know, I know, that sucks. Waiting all this time to come out, learn who you are, take pride in that, and THEN it's going to take MORE time to find someone?

Also, remember, it's a numbers game. You shouldn't stick with the first person you find because you finally found someone. If you run into major deal-breaker issues, there's no shame in breaking up the relationship to find something better. Reality bites. Don't sell yourself short.

---------- Post added 10th Feb 2013 at 10:51 PM ----------

Oh yeah, forgot to add. There are people that I find incredibly attractive in person, that I would overlook on a dating site. The online sites provide that "convenience" of choosing people you'd like to talk to, but it's leaden with shallowness. It naturally brings it out in all of us, unfortunately. Everyone has a persona they carry online as well. EVERYONE. How else are you going to illustrate who you are, what your values are, etc. without forming it with carefully constructed descriptions of yourself. Everyone has an idea of who they are, and it gets mistranslated and construed when translated to the metawebs. I personally hate how the organic nature of attraction is subtracted by online dating. I like to hear people talk, watch how they carry themselves, smell them (you don't know if they shower), watch their interactions with others, hear them laugh. You get the point. I think if you meet someone online, you shouldn't wait too long to meet them in person. I hear a lot of people say the opposite, bleh. If you have only talked online, when you meet in person, you're lacking the instrument of communication you had before. Haven't you seen the southpark episode where Skyler finally meets her boyfriend in person, and they are no longer attracted to one another? That wasn't just a farse. That was true commentary by the writers on the pitfalls of having an online relationship. It exists online, and at some point, it must be carried offline.

That's a lot of dating website bashing. It works for some people. It's a numbers game. My arguments are tessellating, I must go.