Hi umm. I sometimes feel like i'm not real. Or maybe, I'm real and everything else isn't. Or I don't know, I can't be sure of anything. From as far back as I can remember, whenever I was around kids my own age i've been bullied. I hate school, I hate being lonely, even though I should be used to it by now, i'm not. You see, I'm a human being as far as I know anyway. If I'm not that then what am I? And humans are social creatures. It seems like the thing I've always wanted in my life is something I can't ever obtain. I sometimes fear that i'm too far gone to be in a relationship, i'm 21 by the way. But, in a way, all is not lost. In school, the only way I was ever able to get positive human interaction was through my artistic abilities. In school I was bored to death so I drew and doodled a lot and naturally I got good at it. But the sad thing is that everything I try to draw or create anything now it reminds me of being in class, lonely and starved for a little attention. I just never been able to connect with others. Sorry for being so negative today. :eek: I'm tired of being lonely. So what should I do? I've been thinking about reinventing myself or creating an alter ego in a way. I feel like I have to be fun, exciting, and absolutly thrilling all of the time in order to make friends. (!):bang::roflmao: :dry: I want to do this but I don't want to burn myself out and I fear that if I do get some attention that they'll have unrealistic expectations of me everyday. I can't live up to that. Or maybe I can. Or would all that be in vain as well. Maybe I just don't exist. Sorry if this message is too weird and hard to understand. I'm kinda complicated.
This is the chill pill. I think like you just said, don't have expectations of yourself that are too high. Especially when what you're expecting (not being lonely) depend on things beyond your control (people wanting to date you or be friends). I'm assuming that what you're referring to is that you want a person to share romance with. I'm almost 24, and I've been out since 16. I've never had such a person, but I can still go on. All you can do is be the most ethical, compassionate and interesting person you can be, and see what develops. Also, I'm not sure what the philosophical question was. You are real, for sure, and your observations do correspond to reality.
You shouldn't question if you're real. Take Decartes' philosophy: "Cogito, ergo sum." Translated: I think, therefore, I am. It's everybody else who could be figments of your imagination. My advice otherwise is to find out what you want in life and pursue it voraciously. It's hard to burn yourself out if you know it's something you'll never tire of.
I think!!! the problem is that your reality is dependent on other people approving of you, wither thats true or not, is left for the dream interpreters I guess...but the way I got over that is to entertain your own world and learn and have hobbies and read, I think I read another post about using that time to enrich your self so that when you meet people you have lots to say.... Most people who have the gazillion friends actually work there butts off to keep an image that satisfies people and end up with anxiety problems, and not being able to deal with themselves when they are alone...its a way to exist I guess...but you should know it also has a price... Its good to meet people, but not prove that you are real, but to enjoy thier company and to share your views and stuff. Also don't limit your identity to your age . Not that I know of anyone perceiving 21 as too late anyways lol??
Hehe. This is my exact kid of introversion. lt's weird for most people to tell you the truth. They don't get it. l think a lot of us feel like this isn't real life. l'm sorry you've been bullied, l was spared that. The only thing that has ever lessened that feeling for me is being around people MORE. lt's not my natural inclination so l know it sounds awful. But it makes you feel less like you live in another dimension. l have never had the feeling disappear completely and if l don't speak to anyone for say, 8-12 hours, it's as if everyone l've ever known has never existed. As weird as it is, it's manageable lol. And you are probably fun l think a lot of types who seem more extroverted actually enjoy someone who can be funny but doesn't need or want to be thrilling and amazing all the time. lt gets tiresome.
