In total I have had about 4 crushed counting male and female. (I am a male) In the 4th grade I had a strong crush on a character from teen titans called 'raven' and later on when I entered high school I had my first crush on a guy in the 8th grade but I also admired him because I thought he was really cool I am not sure if it was admiration or homosexuality. Another two times I have had a crush on guys were when they tried to befriend me and I felt that crush feeling. The last time was when I had a crush on a guy just by looking at him but I ignored the feeling because it disgusted me and when I masturbated over him it totally destroyed my dignity and I felt like crap for days and I was vomiting and simply could not function. I have never really had a crush on a girl besides that one time but maybe if I was to form a relationship with a girl the same thing would happen, maybe I would have a crush on her as well? The female body does not disgust me like it does to many homosexuals and I would not think twice about having sex with a female that I find attractive, and overtime I have become less and less picky and more and more girls are seeming to sexually attract me just not emotionally. I have masturbated by far more than 100 times over women and roughly 10 times (on the high end) over men. I have not ONCE watched gay porn in my entire life because it sickens me and simply does not attract me, I have watched lesbian porn in the past but it is too soft and mellow for me and I prefer straight sex. I am not feminine and I have similar views as straight men do. (Just felt the need to drop that in there) All of this is severely taxing towards me emotionally and I need some help, please help me!
You will know in time, just be patient and don't think too hard. Also I definitely prefer guys even though I've never been with one but I don't think females are gross at all...I guess I on occasion like girls but I really don't get why a lot of gay guys think "what girls have" is gross.
Maybe you're attracted to certain characteristics in appearance and/or personality but the sex of the person doesn't play the biggest role.
Honestly, this so much. I cannot emphasize how important it is for you to not label yourself. Labels often bring unwanted connotations that will upset you and more than likely bring some sense of self-hatred and doubt. It's so important to not feel the need to categorize yourself. Some people know immediately what their sexuality is, others take time. As such, do not pressure yourself into committing yourself to any mindsight, especially if you are currently uncomfortable with the notions of a particular one. You may want a direct answer now, saying "you're x" or "you're y" but in reality, only time can reveal to you who you are PERSONALLY. Try not to stress too much, many people experience similar feelings and worries- it's completely normal- and it takes time for a person to sift through these ideas and come to any conclusion. Just remember, you aren't alone
I think it is important to have somewhat of an idea what your sexual orientation is or at least a grasp on it. If you are going through puberty, your crushes on guys may in fact be a form of admiration which is getting confused with attraction. So, you could be straight. Hormones can also play a role in the confusion. It becomes clearer the more you age (e.g. high school and college). On the other hand, you may actually be bisexual with a sexual preference leaning towards girls. Your disgust and shame towards masturbating about guys is a sign of internalized homophobia. Many upon many gays/bi's have experienced some form of disgust over their sexual orientation at one point in their lives. Some to such an extreme that they've attempted to change their sexuality though aversion therapy, reparative therapy, etc. but ultimately failed. It's probably best to consider the options that you may indeed be straight, but could also be bisexual. You definitely do not sound gay based on your post, because you are sexually attracted to girls. I'm gay and don't find girls gross; I simply lack the desire to have sex with them. And if you are bisexual, it will take time to over come your internalized homophobia.
