This is my first post here and here is my story, i'm 18 years old and and i've known i was gay as far as i can remember. ive never come out or been as open as i'm about to be right now to anybody an my hands are literally shaking as i'm typing. i have a feeling kids at school knew since they'd often tease me about it and some even asked if i was though i always denied it. i think my parents know as well even though i don't think they wanna believe it since they sometimes tell me to make sure i pick a good wife ince they're not exactly the poster for a perfect marriage. i think they know because i once heard them talking about it. my favorite actress is eliza dushku and my dad tried to say i was straight because i liked her and my mom then said "maybe he wants to be eliza". very bad day for hearing my parents talk about me like that but can they really help it. i can also remember a time i told my mom about some kid asking me if i was gay and she asked if i was, and she sounded as if she was expecting me to say yes. due to rumours or whatever reason, i never had the kind of high school exerience i wanted to have. my weeks and weekends ended up being spent in front of the televison. i'd have friendships that would grow but once they got to the point of hanging out outside of school, i feel like they'd suddenly drop me and afterwards, some of them wouldn't even respond when i said something as simple as "what up" to them. it felt very much like being dumped which in a way it kinda was and hurt me emotionally to go from having a growing friendship with someone i really care about to having that person ignore me literally overnight. i did have friendships in school but in school would be the only time i'd ever see them. i think if i had been open about my sexuality, maybe i would have had more friends since our school did have very out and flamboyant gays who seemed to have alot of friends while i stayed quiet. i'm afraid of people rejecting me, not just strangers but my own family. for the most part, both my mom and dads side of the family are very conservative and i don't think there's ever been a gay in the family as far know of. alot of times they'll ask me if i have a girlfriend and its gets akward and uncomfortable. i've alays been good at hding my gayness and ignoring it but currently my parents are selling the house and divorcing and i choose now of all times to realize i don't want to be 25 or 30 and still closeted and alone. these are supposed to be the best years of my life and i'm letting them waste away. i want to be happy and open and free, i want friends and maybe even a boyfriend but i've always been too scared to admit it. its not of matter of being confused either, i know i'm gay. i love women, i love having them as friends and most of my favorite people are women but i'm attracted to men and i want to be with men. i've often contemplated turning myself straight but i could never deny the fact that i love men. today i was sitting in the living room with my mom and i was screaming at myself to tell her but the conversation eventually ended and i still had not told her. i have these inner arguments with myself daily and my parents have actually asked be about talking to someone like a shrink since they know somethings up since i hardly ever go out as much as i used to, they don't know that its not that i'm crazy, i'm just a gay man stuck in the closet. and even if i had the courage to come out, its like then what? i'd still be scared about starting my openly gay life. i just don't know how to live this way and be happy, someone please help me.
Hey josh, First of all I just wanted to say welcome to EC Its difficult confiding in others about this sort of topic, even when it's over the Internet. When coming out, one of the most beneficial things to have is someone to confide in and to support you through the process. The only problem is, there will always be that first person you tell, where you have no one else to support you. This is always the hardest. There are a few things I'd like to know that weren't mentioned in your post -What is your school situation like? You're 18, have you finished high school? Are you going on to college/uni? Working? -What is your location situation like? Are you living with your mum now? Your dad? in between both? Moving out? -Do you have anyone besides your parents you could possibly confide in? Now there are two main issues that need to be dealt with. The first is your confidence in your sexuality. You've come out to yourself, but you haven't fully accepted the fact that you're gay. You're scared of the consequences to your sexuality, and what people think. How can this be solved? The best way to do this is to find someone you can trust, and tell them. Easier said than done though. Gaining the courage to tell your mum/dad/friend/relative is a huge deal, but having their support really makes a world of difference. I suppose a positive side to your parents divorcing is that you'll have two places to live if things go bad. One way of looking at it is that if you tell one of your parents, it gives you somewhere else to go while they think about it. You said before that you just couldn't bring yourself to tell your mum face to face. That's nothing to be ashamed of. It's hard. But remember coming out, especially the first time, doesn't always have to be done face to face. Each way has it's pros and cons. Another way, for example, is to write a letter, maybe even reading it out to her, or stand there as she reads it. This way, you can prethink everything you want her to know, but you don't actually have to physically say it. That's just one example though - but as a said before, having someone 'on your side' is the most helpful thing you could imagine. As for your issue with friends there are heaps of solutions, however, its hard to say without actually knowing your school/work situation. As I asked before, are you still in high school, going onto college, uni, work? Depending on where you are in live, these are all great places to start relationships. But I'll let you get back to me, then I'll get back to you Take care, and remember to give us updates Dave
-What is your school situation like? You're 18, have you finished high school? Are you going on to college/uni? Working? i'm currently in a limbo sort of state. due to my faling grades, my parents took me out of high school and i want to get my GED and hopefully start college next fall. i really want to go to california for college somewhere close to los angeles. there is a school i'm thinking about going to that could help me with the ged. i'm looking for a job but have yet to find one. -What is your location situation like? Are you living with your mum now? Your dad? in between both? Moving out? currently we're moving out. moms already got her apartment in place and dads looking. they said the plan is for me to spend weeks with my dad and weekends with my mom. -Do you have anyone besides your parents you could possibly confide in? yes, but i'm closest to my mom. and like i said, i do think she'd still love me and be there for me because i know she's thought about me being gay otherwise she wouldn't have asked me about it or talked with my dad about it. i shouldn't be scared of telling her. i know it sounds like i still need to except myself but i honestly do. i'm learning everyday to be more and more proud of it. this is all new and scary for me. but like i said, i can't live my life like this anymore.
You could at least tell your mom or a close friend. Deducing from the way you described your mom, she seems very understanding. Well, I believe your mom will definitely keep it as a secret if you want her to. Trust me, your friends' responds to your sexuality can be very astounding and beyond your expectations sometimes. When I told a few of my friends, their responds were "Cool" and "Why didn't you tell me earlier?". If coming out will make you feel more comfortable with yourself, you should definitely do it. Then again, regardless of whatever advice we give you here, it's all up to you. I believe you already have an answer in your mind, you just need some reassurance. Best Wishes P.S. eliza dushku is among my favourite actresses too! It's sad that they stopped tru calling.
well I agree I think since you are closer to your mom I think she should be the first parent you tell but do you have any friends you can tell because I feel like its easier to have that friend for support so that it makes it easier to tell your mom and then your dad good luck!
