So, I came to this site because it seems very friendly, I found it just searching a bunch of stuff on Google... realized I need it. I'm fourteen and this has been bugging me for the longest time, I know I'm BI. I want to tell my mom, I hate feeling like I'm hiding part of myself from her. I'm not sure about telling my dad, he's just finding out that my sister is going out with a black guy, so he's..you know, not in the best of mood towards the two of us. I'm too scared to tell my mom face to face, so I was considering writing a letter to her. Is that a bad way to do it? Should I wait? I REALLY want to tell her, I just have this huge urge. Another thing, I do have a girlfriend..but she's sort of a secret and she's quite a bit older than me..not by much but, it's kind of shocking for the two ages to be together. I mean, at least I can't get pregnant by her. I would think my mom would be happy to hear about it but I don't know..what should I do?!
Hi Laurengoesrawr and welcome to EC! Regarding your questions, i have several things i would like to clear up first: 1. Was your Dad angry with your sister because her boyfriend was black, or was it due to some other factor? 2. Does your mother share the sames views as your dad? 3. Being racist (as you implied here, i'm not sure) could have no correlation with tolerance of sexual orientation. Do you feel your mother/father would react well if they knew you were Bi? 4. What is your living environment? Is it tolerant of LGBTQ members of the community? If you do live in a homophobic household/community, then i suggest it's best to wait a few more years before coming out, presuming you are still in school. Once you leave school, you'll have freedom, and that would give you a much greater space to chose your path. If you feel safe coming out, then by all means go for it. EC have these really nice templates you can use in composing your letter. Just look at the Resources section.
I am homeschooled. My dad isn't exactly angry about it, I don't think. It's just that he's not used to it and doesn't quite agree/get it. He grew up when that interracial couples weren't exactly around, so it's kind of shocking to him. My mother is more accepting, I think she may already know considering last year there was a whole thing about she caught me holding hands with a girl..I dunno. They aren't exactly homophobic, they aren't going to hate someone because of their sexuality, they just don't agree with it. They don't think it's right. As for the community, it's pretty open. There's a pretty popular lesbian around here that EVERYONE loves. There are more BI girls than anything else, it seems. No one seems really against it from what I've seen.
I did it (just last week) via letter, and everything went fine. I don't think that there's anything inherently wrong with doing it via letter (it was pretty much the only way for me to do it - my parents are separated and hundreds of miles away from each other, and I'm in yet a third location), However, I had the fear (which turned out to be unfounded) that they would find it impersonal and be put off by it. Good luck with whatever you do, and we're always here for you!
Well. I'm just scared that she'll try to snoop around in my business and end up finding out about my girlfriend..which I mention once again is quite a bit older than me. It's not that I felt the letter would be so bad, I'm just scared what she'll think. Lots of people have told me I'm too young for it. Does anyone think I'm too young for it? The sooner the better..right?
Jeez, i think if your dad is a possible racist i'd hate to think what his reaction would be towards same sex attraction.
If you feel comfortable coming out to your mom than a letter would be a good way to do it. You can leave out the part about your girlfriend (which is what I did when I first came out to my mom) until you feel that she can handle it and be okay with it (also what I did and my mom LOVES my girlfriend even though we have a small but legal age difference).
Well..I'm not sure if this is legal or not. -Cough- Me being fourteen her being......4-5 years older than me......
Ah see that's an issue but ONLY if you're having sexual contact with her. That is quite a large age difference at your age so I would just say be careful being with someone that much older. When I was your age I dated a guy who was 4-5 years older than me as well so I can't exactly tell you not to do it. Just be careful. And my advice would be then just don't tell your mom about your girlfriend yet. I would wait and make sure it lasts and for you to get a little older so the age gap isn't so huge. That's what I did with my girlfriend in regards to telling my mom about her.
Yeah, I was going to wait about her until I was at least sixteen..Heh. So it'd be a little more legal..I dunno. I wish I could make her more my age..but sadly, I cannot ._.
Yeah waiting until you're a bit older would be a better option. I waited to tell my mom that my girlfriend and I were dating (she thought she was just my best friend which she was before we started dating) until my girlfriend and I had been together for a year and my girlfriend was 17 (even though I wasn't breaking any laws. I was very careful about that). I wanted to make sure they we lasted and that she was at an age where my mom would take us more seriously. We're only 3 years apart.
It's weird...how the whole age thing works. Then again it's not. I figure with girls my mom would be a little more supportive about it, but I'll stay quiet. I believe this year in August we will have been dating for a year..We were dating before even more secretly then stopped cause things just kind of fell apart. I saw her online one day and started talking to her more again and we both figured out we have strong feelings for each other still. We live in the same state but we haven't actually met in person, so I suppose that also makes it a little safer and a lot of people would tell me "Oh how do you know you actually like her" and stuff like that.
Online relationships are a bit tricky and that might be even harder to get your mom to accept that you're dating someone so much older who you've never met in person. Waiting would definitely be the best option. And just be careful.
That's not too far. And when you do decide to meet in person for the first time make sure you meet her somewhere public.
No problem. And yeah it can be stressful. I've been there. If you need to talk feel free to post on my wall.
I know when I came out to my mom she was supportive.She said she knew for a long time(probably came off that way),she told me she didn't like it but just wanted me to be happy. My dad on the other hand found out through my ex gf so he wanted to hit me.But I think he was kind of a homophobe.After a few years even though we never talked about it he would bring up relationships and tell me if i wanted a gf or a bf its cool.Just that if it was a guy he didn't want to see anything. Even though they really don't care for it they loved me more than they disliked the thought of same sex partners. I hope it works out for you.If they truly love you they will accept you even if they don't care for it.
