I think I'm out of my depression stage, the total self-hate, self-abuse, etc. Of course I still get sad sometimes when I think about coming out to parents, but for the most part I've accepted that I'm not straight. I do, however, have these random days when I get confused all over again, and it's usually for the same reasons, the same questions. I'm still a virgin (not counting oral), with both sexes. And this alone is what gets me confused when I think about "how gay" I am. When I started coming out, I had a lot of friends tell me there was no way I could be sure about whether I'm gay or not if I've never been with a girl. I've had girlfriends, and I've even had the opportunity to have sex with them. But when the relationship got to that point, and she was ready, I just couldn't go through with it. I just can't say I actually want to get to that point with a girl. Here's my question: Am I really that gay? Gay to the point that I have no desire to even attempt to have sex with a girl? Or am I being pathetic and nervous? I almost feel inferior when I hear about gay guys figuring it out because they got with a girl and hated it, or it just didn't work with a girl. I sometimes feel like I've gone to fast and, I don't know, skipped a step? Should I make myself try it with a girl if the opportunity arrives again? Just for some sense of certainty?
I'd say no. You don't have to have sex with a girl to know if you are or aren't sexually attracted to them. If you feel that's something you don't want, then you just don't. I had a conversation like this with a friend the other day. They asked how I could be sure I was a lesbian if I was still a virgin. I told them I'd never lit my hair on fire before but I'm pretty sure I don't want to, and that's how I feel about sex with guys.:lol: It's all about what you feel personally. Maybe those guys needed to have sex with girls to open their eyes to what they really wanted. If you're skipping that step it's because you already know yourself, and you don't need it. Being that selfaware is a good thing, and you shouldn't let it make you feel inferior. Forget about what they've all said or done. Ask yourself how you feel and what you want. And don't make yourself do anything that goes against that.
I guess you know yourself more than anyone else. I mean do you find yourself checking girls out or looking at straight/lesbian porn? I know these aren't FOR SURE indicators. But if there's no initial attraction/interest for girls and there is for guys then I think the answer is no, your not skipping or missing anything out.
If there is no attraction to girls but there is attraction to guys, then I'd say you are gay. I've never been with a girl or ever been attracted to them but I knew I was gay, guys are just so attractive :icon_wink
Unless your friends have all been with both guys and girls and then picked girls then they really have no basis for their argument. The next time someone raises this point, ask them if they've done this experiment or are willing to try it (not with you, you're not hitting on them, just on general principles). I very much doubt any of them will say yes. Never tried sex with a girl, never had any desire to do so. As far as my libido is concerned, women simply don't even exist. Todd
No. If you don't feel the need to be with a girl. Don't do it. You don't need to justify your feelings to other people. Straight people don't all usually sleep with people of the same gender as them, so how do they know they're straight? It works both ways.
It's up to you to decide how you really feel. Don't let society force you into thinking you're someone you're not.
Only if you are truly comfortable trying it out. When I felt pressure to have sex with a girl, I had "performance problems." Other times, when I didn't really care at all and it just happened (e.g. situation involving alcohol), I was very relaxed and could perform. But I knew before any of that I am not sexually attracted to girls. Their bodies just don't do it for me. When you are comfortable and relaxed, you can perform with either gender regardless of orientation. I wanted to try it just to see if maybe I would like it or change me. Maybe I would start liking them. The truth is no. My initial feelings before the encounter were verified after... I'm simply only sexually attracted to men and not women.
You shouldn't be with a girl when you're gay. The sex won't be good when you're not sexually attracted to a girl. Don't worry about what people say.
Thanks for the replies! I haven't necessarily been losing sleep over it, I've just always wondered if there was any validity to their point. Honestly I can't remember the last time I looked at straight porn, and I know I've never seen lesbian porn. I've looked at gay porn since I was young, and my only sexual encounters have been with guys. I just didn't know if it was just me being nervous, or dreading the possibility that it flat out wouldn't work. The embarrassment in a situation like that would kill me. Others have told me that I'm only feeling like this because I'm a virgin, and that once I decide to go through with it, I'd change my mind about everything. I guess deep down I'm afraid that I'm not getting with girls, and I'm somehow depriving myself of the straight life. In the beginning, I don't think anyone really wants to be gay. The lifestyle sucks. I mean no offense when I say that. I'm only speaking in regards to the confusion, family problems that are almost inevitable, loss of friends, public humiliation and ridicule (publicity freaks me out anyway). I was walking with a guy on campus one night. It was really late, so I knew there wouldn't be many, if any, other people around. He put his arm around mine and put his head on my shoulder while we were walking. I couldn't help but to freeze up. I kept looking around for other people, and I kept pulling away from him because I didn't want to be seen like that, out of fear that whoever did see me, would call me out on it. Perhaps this phobia is a result of being raised in Eastern Kentucky. But I suppose I can save that for a different post. I've always known I was at the very least bisexual. I've just been wondering over the past few months whether I'm throwing away the opportunity to have a normal life, just because I can't see myself with a girl, in any way, no matter the nature of the situation. Sorry, that got lengthy...
