How should I come out to traditional asian parents?

So I already came out as gay to all of my friends, since they're gay-friendly, and the next step I want to take is to come out to my parents. Ever since I grew into my teen years, my parents have been reminding me almost everyday that I should get a hot girlfriend, get married, and give them grandbabies because it is an unwritten duty for asian boys to do all that in order to pass down the family name. The customs I would have to follow weren't the only thing that makes it hard for me to tell my family, my parents have gotten the wrong idea about gay men. They regard gay men to be effeminate and weak. So even if my family accepts me, they won't think of me the same anymore. So, can anyone please tell me how to come out to my parents without crushing their dreams? I'm in a serious predicament.

 

Hey there! I'm Korean and I totally get what you're saying. My parents found out about a couple months ago and, even though my dad was very supportive, my mom was of a more traditional mindset. With time, she came to cope with the fact that I would never marry a man. Now, she is much more supportive than I ever would have thought, and she loves me a lot. If you need more advice, just post a message on my wall!

 

aha that's funny you should mention this. my parents think gay people are "not normal" and freaks of nature (they just don't want to admit it). and yes, i did manage to come out to them.

buddy, it's not going to end up pretty. let's just establish that first. however, there is still more to life than the validation of your parents if that's any consolation.

good luck

 

Hey, I too come from a very traditional Asian family with my great-grandparents still alive living with me bugging me on an arranged marriage for when i turn 16 anyways my mom found out during the summer when i was 12 turning 13 and she freaked basically asking me how i could do this to our family etc. since i am the oldest son my family like most Asian families expect me to produce lots of children and pass the family name so my mom lectured me on how i couldn't have children and how i should get closer to god, and brought up pedophilia and bestiality which is just wrong... All i can say is too wait if you expect you're parents to take it harsh but if you think they could live with you still and you feel safe i say why not tell them, I'd leave a letter if my parents weren't as crazy.

 

@ OP: I'm Asian and haven't come out to my parents yet, so I'm in a similar position as you are. I would try to approach this situation from a practical standpoint.

You're 14, so I'm guessing that you live with your parents and that they financially support you. I would wait until you can support yourself, then tell them. It sounds like a selfish thing to do, but it's better than having to deal with undesirable alternatives, e.g. potentially being kicked out and becoming homeless.

Also, delaying it could better in terms of seeking validation from them. It seems that you are certain of your sexual orientation, but your parents are likely to label it as a phase or deny it outright. If you come out to them when you're older, then the news could be easier for them to digest and accept.

 

well, what's even worse is that I have no paternal male cousins in my extended family. I really do not know when would it be a good time to tell them.

 

Kudos on coming out to your friends

i'm still finding the courage to come out to them as well

 

I'd have to agree with above posts - maybe you should wait. I am not trying to say "maybe it's a phase!" What I'm saying is that maybe you should wait until you have some independence. Like, when you can drive or when you are thinking about college.

If it gets to the point where they are worried about you dating, then it might be the time to tell them. But I wouldn't do anything until you have an escape plan.

 

This is exactly where I'm at since I've never gone out with ANYONE because I've been very sure of my sexuality and my parents are nagging me about it.

 

Yeah. My parents taunted me a bit when I wore my school's LGBT wristband for National Coming Out day. They found out that I joined my school's gay straight alliance and my parents were nagging me about it ever since.

 

Woah, you're quite brave if i did that my parent's would whoop me, they screamed at me for putting my hand on my hips when i was tired cause they said it "looked gay" way to go for joining you're schools GSA

 

Well, my plan is I tell them 2 years after I graduate college, so I'll be ok with either reaction. Realistically, it could be a horrendous reaction, so I think it's always best to be prepared for the incoming shaming.

 

I'm Filipino and I had the same problem.My friends
were all supportive and my dad doesn't really care since
he's so chill with everything but my mom just lost it.When
my dad was away on a business trip,she unleashed all her
frustrations and almost kicked me out.Sometimes she would
just randomly bitch at me for being gay.I just try to ignore her
though.My parents are also 100% hardcore Catholics and so is
my extended family back home in the Philippines,luckily they
somehow managed to accept(atleast my dad)me,but they are
so afraid that our extended family will find out.Especially because
ky mom used to brag about her good looking son,who apparently
likes other men which frustrates her.LOL.


Give your parents time and do it when you're 100% sure.
Be,brave cuz you'll need it.If it ever goes wrong,hang tough
and try to understand them.

 

Im filipino as well and my parents are hardcore Roman Catholics. Im turning 20 years old soon and ive been writing a coming out letter which i started on the 1st of January this year.

Im scared as hell and really need to build courage.

Hopefully everything goes well to you!

 

My mom's also Filipino and like most Filipinos we have a close family going all the way to like my 4th and 5th cousins so it's really big and they all care about what each other thinks so they love to brag and judge each other.

 

I'm actually chinese and vietnamese. Unfortunately, those countries aren't so lgbt friendly. Btw, is it also true that parents just seem to know for a while and they're just waiting for us to just say it to them?