I honestly don't know why they've hurt me so much. I woke up two hours ago in the middle of the night. No big deal, roommate was snoring. But then, my brain suddenly remembered something my parents said a week ago. I was with a guy who turned out to be fake for four months. My parents said this: "Do you think that maybe God is trying to tell you something? That maybe this experience was to show you that homosexual relationships are wrong?" And I started to cry. Hard. Something just burst in my mind and everything I was feeling towards my parents just started to pour out in my mind. I tried to silence my brain and go back to sleep, but two hours later, no such luck. I don't think they truly understand how much pain they've caused me. I'm 100% sure that if I bring up the turmoil, they'll turn it around and say "It's because you're starting to see the light and the devil in you is writhing. You're almost there! You can break free!" If I had been born a girl and that had happened to me, the reaction would have been so much different. More comforting maybe and that I just got sucked into a lie. Nothing about heterosexual relationships being sinful. They keep bringing up the "gay lifestyle" and that cuts me to the core. Never before in my life would I have imagined how much emotional pain I'm in. And to be completely honest, if I didn't have any support from friends or people on the internet, I don't know if I would still be here... I know human life is precious and that so many people would be hurt, but the thoughts keep creeping in. I'm so sick of this... The life I'm living, the pain, the heartbreak. I'm seeing a psychologist, supposedly about the fake guy I was with and dealing with that. But every time, I end up talking about my parents. I've moved on from him and that event. But my parents are still a part of my life and their opinion matters to me. But what they've said... it just makes me cry...
I remember your story about the fake boyfriend, and to have your parents throw this at you really sucks. I can't say I know the feeling, because I detached myself from my parents from a young age. Their validation, opinion, and approval matters little to me. In the end, you don't need any of that from them. I know that someone simply telling you that it doesn't matter does not actually make you stop caring, but try not to take what they say too personally. As you live on your own more and learn to be more independent, they will have less of an influence on your emotions. You'll still care about their well-being all the same, but you'll learn to take their opinion of your own life as a grain of salt. Things will get better, you have time and distance on your side. Finding someone new to crush on and/or date will help too. It always does for me at least.
Hey man I couldn't sleep either. I know how you feel with having people you love not accept something that’s completely out of your control. My best friends didn't react well to my coming out at all and that was devastating. We don't talk anymore which is a shame since all that we have been through. I know those feelings you’re talking about and they suck, I've been there, allot of us have. I've also had some weird relationships with guys and a couple awesome ones, in that order unfortunately. I wish I had the magic words to make the hurt go away, I really do, I wish someone had the magic words to for me when I'm going through similar pain. All I can say is you are cared and loved for, by your friends, your family (though it may not seem like it sometimes) and by all those here on ec who have gone through what you've gone through and would do anything in their power to make it easier for the next young gay man or women to make it. You are exactly the way god made you, and he is so proud.
Hi, It is called passive/aggressive/negation. The emotional weapon of choice of the cowardly, weak minded souls. They don't beat you down with their opinion, rather they use God as a club. Do you think for a second God enjoys being used as a weapon to harm the innocent? How would you expect God to return the favor? Your parents live in the village of the damnded. Avoid that neighbourhood for your own good. Stuck
Are they your means of financial support? Do you have a place you can go that is safe and where you are accepted? If you have an alternative place to live and some income. Wave good-bye and go. I'm blunt with this. I left home at 17 and lived with an Aunt.
Silvails52, I can't tell you how much I cried in the time leading to coming out and then after. It's a really difficult time your in and I'm really sorry to here your parents are reacting so poorly. I was lucky in that my parents have been fairly accepting. My mom is very religious and had to do a lot of soul searching. she eventually went and talked to her priest and he helped her a lot in understanding/accepting me. I was surprised at how well that went. Yea, they're your parents and you can't just walk away from them. Have you suggests to them that they visit PFLAG for information. Maybe you could print out the information from the website and give it to them. Hang in there man....it will get better. Give them time and hopefully they will eventually come around. Keep your head high. You are good, your are special, love yourself first and the rest will come later.
I really don't have that kind of support out there. And I'm very reluctant to cut all ties with them this quickly. JimL, I will try to get them info about PFLAG and hopefully that will help them. But so far, they've stuck to what they've always believed. I had them watch Matthew Vines, but that did absolutely nothing. In fact, it made them search for other sites so I could see 'the other side of the coin.' The Christian side.
You may never be able to "sell" them on your side of the issue. Maybe a tact should be to just not try and convince them, but to tell them that this is not a choice for you...it's the way you were born and nothing can or will change it, period. It has nothing to do with the way you were raised, it has nothing to do with any influences during your life. It's just the way it is, and they can love you for who you are or not. It's their choice. Tell them how much it hurts you when they tell you how you should change to conform to their wishes because your gay and nothing will change that. Hopefully they will lighten up and accept you and love you just as you are. Good god you live in NY.....not the deep south. P.S. I hadn't heard of Matthew Vines....I will watch his video tonight. Thanks!
Parents are too the reason I have multiple sleepless nights. My parents say horrible things about gay men, yet when it comes to lesbians my father doesn't seem to have any problems. I've wanted to tell my parents for years that I'm gay, but they have made it impossible, and my dad has made it quiet clear what the consequences would be if I ever "turned out" gay. Everytime I think an opportunity arises, I shut down the idea of it because I am reminded of all the hurtful things my parents have said. The sad thing is they don't even know how it's affecting me - and it has had such a negative impact on my social life. I want to be out to everyone, so that I can talk about anything without the fear of 'hinting' I'm gay. I wouldn't mind if word got out at my school - I don't care what all the people that don't matter think. I would finally be free of all the lies. But only if my parents knew. I'm lucky that I have my Biology teacher to talk to, he understands me and is so supportive, even so I consider him more as my father than my actual one. Having the right friends, and forums like these make such a profound difference, that a lot of people like me would be lost without. I always look to the future, and I can't wait for the day my parents find out.
Hey Rexmond.....don't wait to long, it's eating you alive. It won't get any easier. He may surprise you....hopefully. Maybe tell your mom first???
Rex, listen to jimL. At least tell your mother. And jim, they have this "love the sinner hate the sin" mentality. They love me as a person. But they are trying to get me away from "the gay lifestyle" as any relationships are sinful.
I've just had a thought... Would your psychologist be willing to talk to your parents? I'm thinking if he/she is, maybe he/she can call them, ask for a meeting, sit them down and explain to them how much hurt they are causing heir son and just how dangerous their actions are. I also suggest you buy "Prayers for Bobby" and mail the DVD to your parents... Maybe if they watch it they will get the message. Finally, have you discussed your self harm feelings with our psychologist... If you haven't, please make an appointment and tell him or her about it. If you can't, phone and talk to him or her, it's extremely important that you talk to someone about it. You have an amazing and exciting life ahead of you that's going to be filled with love and great experiences. Yes you'll have your downers, but your ups will outnumber them, so don't let this get you down. Your parents are ignorant and misinformed at this point, that can change, but you will have to be clever about it and keep nudging them into the right direction.
Yeah, I've always wondered exactly what this "gay lifestyle" really is. It must be something that the media so wrongly portrays us as. No one would ever guess that I (or 80 % of "us") was gay unless I/we told them. It's just what the majority of the world thinks of us. Wrong! As your sig line best puts it; "Love who you love. Simple as that."
I kinda think I should be the one to talk to them, maybe... And I'm seeing the psychologist tomorrow afternoon. We scheduled an appointment last week, actually. The Prayers for Bobby idea might be good, but knowing them, they'll be really hurt by the message I would be sending them... jim, I told my parents what my sig said and they essentially responded: "but you can choose not to act on your feelings!"
