I know I haven't posted in a while and I again feel like this post is gonna be like every other post I have. I feel lost in my life. I can't find a way forward. I can't even SEE a way forward. I can't find a job, so I'm going to go to school and finish my associates. I have no friends here, no money, and to top it off I'm still battling my sexuality. Everything feels so fucked up. I keep breaking down into tears at random moments. I want to give up so hard but I can't. I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I don't know how it could possibly get any lower than this.
Hey, sounds like you are really down and out, but you are studying and thus expanding your options which is a great step forward. Studying means you are probably in a college environment and seriously that's another major step forward, it opens a world of opportunities to meet new, interesting people and make friends. You need to crawl out of that hole first to make it happen. Why not join a club, running, cycling, art or even a support group or charity organisation? It will force you to interact with new people which will lead to new friendships. The hardest thing will be to force yourself to take that first step, but it will be so worth your while... Go join a gym or swimming club. Exercise is an awesome way to release endorphins that will make you feel much more positive about yourself and the more positive you feel the more positive your outlook on life will become and the more positive your outlook, the more positive the world will react towards you. What you project to the world will reflect back to you so positivity is something you have to create and then embrace when those around you respond to it. If you feel that you are too depressed, why not seek the help and support of a councillor that you can talk to? If you are suffering from depression, which it kinda sounds like you are, maybe you should talk to your doctor. He or she could prescribe meds that should help you get out of that dark hole you find yourself in at the moment. Work wise, a positive outlook will help you tremendously, in the mean time, why not look at temporary jobs. There's always events an projects that require staff and that's a great way to start earning an additional income on the side while you are studying.
I'm hoping to meet people once I start college this summer. I'm so alone and lonely and it geniunely is the worst feeling I've ever, ever had. I want to do some of those things but no job = no money and gym, doctor, clubs, they all take money. And besides, what do I tell a doctor? I'm sad because I don't have a life or job or money or friends and oh by the way I'm bisexual and not really cool with it, maybe even gay and really not cool with it? I feel like a fucking basketcase. Lock me up and throw away the key.
if there's anything i learned from feeling down it's that, please, oh please, do not do anything irrational. that's all i can really say. chin up and don't do anything stupid and all will be well
I'm not gonna do anything stupid. I won't say I haven't had suicidal thoughts, because I have. But I know that if I can break past this, there is a gloriously beautiful adventure waiting for me.
Ok, let's take this from the top. Your sexuality is obviously an issue for you but let's move that to the side for now and concentrate on your other issues, you can tackle that when your in college and have access to councillors and support groups. 1) you are lonely 2) you have no job So lets try to fix those two things first... I almost think you could do both in one go, let's look at options. I don't know if your living in a city or town, with your parents, a room mate or on your own, thing is, your not out on the street so that's an awesome start. If you live in a city, why not look at the smalls in the newspaper or job postings on Craig's list etc. and see if there's freelance temporary jobs out there? It's not permanent so what have you got to loose? Plus you might meet some interesting people while doing it. To meet people, why not help out with community projects and services. It is charity work but at least you will meet interesting people and make new friends. You don't have to join a gym to get some exercise, go for a run everyday, do some sit ups and push ups in your room... It produces the very same endorphins you'd get from a gym and it will cost you nothing. There's options out there but you'll need to make an effort from your side to find them.
I live in a city and I hit the internet up Every. Single. Day. I've applied for hundreds of jobs recently and haven't heard a peep from anyone, that's why I decided to go back to college. I'm living with my parents and while that isn't the most ideal situation, they are keeping a roof over my head and for that I am very very grateful. I am fairly new to the city in which I am living therefore I don't know anyone and I also don't know where to look for community projects, etc. Plus I don't have the money to go all over the city all the time. Gas is a precious commodity for me.
This morning I hope up and my friend sent me a story to read. Then it hit me. At the root of all my problems, I'm fucking afraid I'll never find anyone who loves me. I'll never get to feel the love of another person. I'll never be able to share the love I have. Matters of sexuality aside, because that's part of the problem, I feel like I'm too fat and ugly and worthless. I'm 24. I've never done anything with my life. I don't have lots of money and I've never gone on any cool adventures. I don't have a rockin' body. I'm afraid. No one wants that.
Concentrate on the good things that you do have, you have your parents, a roof over your head, food to eat, the opportunity to go to college, the opportunity to make new friends, the opportunity to find work and with that the opportunity to make money. Things don't happen over night, everything comes in due course in its own time. The things that you are concerned about are all things that can be changed and that will be changed. The things that you are not happy about is in your power to change as well, but it can only happen if you take the first step and see it trough. If you want to loose weight, change your diet and start to exercise, start off with a 30 min walk every day, build it up to 60 mins, start to run. Do some research on the Internet on healthy eating and getting fit.... That is a good start to change yourself. With that you will be able to improve yourself worth and with that your confidence... That will naturally lead to better opportunities, better jobs with better money, new friends... Positivity does wonders!!!
