lesbian with a baby - and a boyfriend

Welcome to EC! I don't really have any advice for you but I wish you the very best! As for the job thing, totally relate to that. I can't find a job in a job factory, haha.

 

Something here that helped me a lot - although it didn't exactly apply to either of our situations; it was written for gay men - that I happened across recently is this:

Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief

It's really eerie how accurate that is.

I can say from my experience that it is scary but it's way easier if you know what to expect. It's not going to be fun for either of you. But you're going to be glad in the end one way or the other that you were honest. It's not easy but it's worth it.

I'm 32 and we can't afford to live apart either. It's not easy but we're taking things a day at a time. It sounds like you've got it a little worse than me thanks to the child Good on you for finishing college, I'm very close myself. The economy does suck right now but I've been getting a lot of good hits on indeed.com and careerbuilder.com

 

Well I hope it isn't and everything goes well. I'd still prepare for at least a little denial, "There is no way you're a lesbian" stuff. But you never know how these things are gonna go in advance, sometimes maybe the best way to prepare is to just kinda not prepare at all.

Good luck! I really hope things go well.

 

Hey, I've been in your situation before and it's very heartbreakin However, my kids father wants me to find a woman and be happy. It's just so hard letting go 100%; I get extremely scared and panicky. He's been so helpful, but it's still difficult. You are most definitely not alone (*hug*)

 

He's no good for you if he put his hands on you. You and your child need to get away from him asap. Guys like that are very unpredictable, please be careful. Getting drunk may make you feel better at the moment, but don't overdo it. I know exactly how you're feeling just please take it easy.

 

I so would not have said what I said if I knew he was that type. I know you made your own decision and I shouldn't but I still feel really bad and naive. I really forget that assholes like that are out there.

You take care of you. I hope you have a friend you and your kid can go to ASAP. Good luck, write back some time?

 

Good to hear, sorry I'm a worrier just pretty much with everything. Just be careful out there.

---------- Post added 11th Feb 2013 at 09:56 PM ----------

Think I'll have just a shot of irish whiskey tonight myself. No more than that, I wanna save it for when I have something to celebrate. Cheers

 

What do you mean he's not that type? He's the type that hit you. He hit you, ok? So he is the type who hits.

There are two possibilities: he was in control of himself, and hit you anyway, or he lost control of himself and hit you.

If he's hitting you while in control of himself, you are not safe with him.

If he can't keep control of himself, you are not safe with him. And if he lost control once, you can't trust that it won't happen again.

Hitting you is unacceptable, and you are not responsible for him hitting you. You did nothing wrong. You have a right to break up with him, and it does not make it okay for him to hit you. Once is too many times.

It does not matter that he is emotional or that he is having a hard time accepting that you are breaking up with him. It does not matter what you said that may have "provoked" him. He is an adult, and responsible for his own behavior. You are not responsible for his behavior. You do not have to be sensitive to the feelings of someone who hit you. Hitting you shows extreme disregard for your feelings.


Women usually don't think their husbands or boyfriends are "that type," even when they end up in the hospital. It's always, "I provoked him," "he's just emotional right now," "he didn't mean it." But none of those things matter. There are lots of men who would never, ever hit their partners even in those circumstances.

If he hit you, he's the type that hits. Men who are not the type that hit, don't hit. And he hit you. And it was wrong, and it was not your fault.

Is there anywhere you can go stay? You shouldn't stay with someone who hit you.

If you don't have anywhere to go, you might be able to get help from a domestic violence shelter.

Here is a list of women's shelters in California: Divorce Source: California Domestic Violence Shelters

They may also have resources to help you find work, or be able to put you in touch with such resources.

 

Hi, I am in the same situation as you. Fell for someone and my world came crashing down. we had already spoken about splitting up, but it was easy for this to be ignored, until I realised I was gay. My partner, we have a 3 yr old, was pretty mad as first. But over the last few months it has gotten a lot easier, time does help. I had to stand up to him a few weeks ago. he was being really rude and putting me down, eventually I snapped when he called me a rug muncher!! I found a forum on here, which i showed him. It was about realising you are gay and the difficulties inherent in that. Until that day I don't think he had a clue what i was going through. Three months later he actually encouraged me to go to a lgbt group!
I hope things go as well as they can. all the best x

 

My brother hit his wife. He had never hit her before, but in a moment of passion he lost control. His wife made him leave the house and now she's divorcing him. He knows what he did was wrong, which is why he understands why she's divorcing him. He did try to keep his marriage first, but realized that she didn't feel safe around him anymore. It was "only" one time, but for a lot of people that's one too many times.

My brother is in therapy and is committed to making sure this never happens again in a future relationship. At least he realized his mistake and is willing to change. That's more than what you can say for a lot of people. Your ex-boyfriend should think about doing the same thing. Things are over between you two. He had no right to hit you.

 

Alright, hold on. I've been way way too nice earlier and everyone else is right. I know you love this person but believe me when I say I've been down exactly this road. He's a grown man and will be just fine. You have something about you you can't change no matter how guilty you feel. This situation is not your fault. You did the hard thing and were honest. And it'll take a long time but if he's a good guy deep down like you're saying he'll figure that out eventually.

I know you're a nice person. I'm a nice person and I said all the same things to myself you're saying. Quit trying to see things from his point of view for just a little bit. Blaming myself for the way the person I am with feels did nothing but screw with my head. Bad. It got bad enough it's actually what got me off my ass and into therapy. Things are gonna be like this every day until one of you finds somewhere else to live even if for a few days whether he's working or not. The shelter was a really good idea.

I mean even without the hitting you said it yourself, he's got a controlling side. I don't know him but him being understanding is I'd bet good money something he'll wanna be paid back for later.

If you need to stay for a few days no one can stop you. But please, so I don't feel like the biggest ditz in the world, try really hard to find a job and a friend. You need away from there. I'm still living with mine for now, but things only got better when one of us left for a few days, and even then - and I love her to bits still - when she came back she was still trying the same tricks. I just got better at sticking to my guns while she was gone is all.

I still suck at it myself but the only thing that's gonna make this better is you being selfish and strong.

 

That sucks ass. I had to come out to a friend I still had on instant messenger just so I had someone to talk to.

But do you have a college close? That's what I'm trying, my college has an LGBT group I'm going to. Most of 'em probably do. I mean I'm super shy but I'm pretty sure so are most of the people there.