Am i bi or gay ?

First off, welcome to EC! :welcome:

I may be off base here, but it sounds like you are a biromantic homosexual. You can see yourself romantically with men and women, but are only sexually attracted to men. Does that sound accurate? Or maybe you just have been conditioned to think of women romantically instead of actually wanting it.

 

One thing I often refer to with people in their coming out process is the 5 stages of loss. In this case it would be the loss of you straight identity. You have:

Denial/isolation
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

In people that are starting their coming out process, things can get a bit confusing. so let me give some examples.

Denial/Isolation: Im not gay, everyone has fantasies about the same sex right?
Anger: I hate gay people, I hate god for this, I hate myself.
Bargaining: If I pray will the gay go away? If I look at women long enough the feelings with come, right? If I date women Im sure my emotions for them will make them attracted to them in time. Maybe Im bi?
Depression: Shit! Im gay, nobody wants me, Im alone... Nobody will like me, and my parents will hate me, and I will not be worthy of love even if I can come out.
Acceptance: Ill never know if I dont try. (point of coming out to yourself)

Sounds like you are stuck between bargaining and acceptance to me....but thats just my opinion.

I hope this helps a little, and if you want any private advice then you can always comment on my wall and Id be glad to help in any way I can. I can tell you that there are defiantly a ton of people that have been through exactly what you are going through right now. Me being one of them

 

At its most basic core, IMO, sexual orientation is essentially who you are sexually attracted to. Which gender or genders arouses you? It is highly visual and scent based. When you see a guy or a girl you are sexually attracted to, you get excited by what you see and what you smell. You desire to get physical with them. Emotional attraction is essentially who you connect with and have feelings for. You enjoy their comfort and have a desire to hold them in your arms. Relationships depend on BOTH sexual and emotional attraction.

Based on a narrow definition of sexual orientation (only sexually attraction), you seem to be gay. You don't desire girls sexually. It is possible for you to develop an emotional connection with a girl which "may" over time become sexual. However, I wouldn't bank on it. Most likely you'd be going through the motions with a girl. Sure the act will feel good, but you will feel totally disconnected from her. If sex is on the bottom of your list for requirements of a good relationship as well as for the girl's, then you could possibly have a fulfilling relationship with one. However, if sex is higher up, then it's going to be a disaster for both of you. Since you said you have BOTH sexual and emotional attraction to guys, your chances of a fulfilling relationship with one is so much greater and more intense than what you could ever have from being with a girl. So no, you don't seem bi. Gay is most accurate in your situation.

 

Maybe you are gay, it's just our inability to see yourself having a longterm serious relationship with men and your attraction to woman are just defense mechanisms.