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Help me out please I have a couple of questions

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by whatsgoinon, Feb 11, 2013.

  1. whatsgoinon

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    Im a male my whole life I've considered myself straight. Lately with me getting on certain substances like getting high, extremely drunk or rolling. I'm realizing about every last one of my friends are bisexual or at least have dabbled in bisexuality. I got drunk one night extremely drunk and was somewhat approached by my friend. He said he'd fuck me over anyone because I'm the last one left, this was in front of his girlfriend and she had no comment and seemed to be perfectly fine with it. Also going to a concert with my best friend he was frequently approached by guys asking him about his old friend that turned out to be gay, basically asking if he's still "down" that question was asked repeatedly. I have no problem with talking to my friends about what happened but it seems taboo and I'm immediately dismissed when I try to discuss the subject sober. I feel like I've lived in my own bubble because now I think every guy I meet is secretly bisexual or on the down low. They all have girlfriends but even they seem cool about it, the girls will say more little subtle comments about it then they will sometimes.

    Now here is my predicament, I've never really honestly had friends whatsoever until a few years ago. I was a jesus freak but I see myself still pretty open minded now. I mean I still hang out with these guys even after the "secret" has come out. So I dont think I'm anti gay, you're not put on this world long enough to worry about what anyone else is doing. However I'm like freaking out around my friends I'm always looking out of the .corner of my eye like I know he's gay at literally every last one of them. Because I'm realizing they all have done things. Is this my bicuriosity coming to fruition? They can tell as well, we're all going on a trip together soon and they all come up to me saying, "I cant wait to make you my bro." I feel like I finally came out of my shell to talk to people and now this situation is putting me back in. Like I feel like I cant even be myself around my friends or family anymore because I think some of the guys in my family are down low bi now. So is it just me, are all guy friendships secretly like this and no one really cares? Will I get my confidence back if I do experiment with one of my friends? I'm debating if it's just me or do i feel bad because I don't have the bond that they do. If anyone has gone through this let me know or if you have any advice at all. Sorry its so long

    ---------- Post added 11th Feb 2013 at 09:58 PM ----------

    Hello?
     
  2. Sarah1

    Sarah1 Guest

    Whats goin on whatsgoinon? I wish I knew how old you are. I think friends should accept you for you. And i think if you want to experiment it might be best to do it with someone outside your circle of friends.
     
  3. whatsgoinon

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    Anybody else gone through this?
     
  4. nevashiva

    nevashiva Guest

    Hey there.

    Ummm I have no proof of this, but yes I think a lot if not the majority of men(and women ;P) are indeed bisexual or to say the least aren't confident in their sexuality..and I think that one of the reasons they don't like 'gay' people is because they are afraid of what thoughts might penetrate their head, and that their confusion is gonna be sealed by that gay siren devilish creature and theyll get trapped in being gay forever...my theory no proof of that tho lols.

    The reason I say this, although I personally don't understand what its like to be 'attracted' to a woman per se, I mean yes, there are some girls that are very pretty, but I would never feel like I want to have a sexual relationship with them (which is what describes being asexual in a way). And I must admit, it sometimes confuses me if I get nervous around a pretty girl, cause I go like...but I am not attracted to girls why am I jittery?

    I imagine that feeling is much much more difficult to deal with if you perceive your self as a straight individual.

    I come out to almost everyone I meet, mainly because i like being a social experiment lol xD.
    A lot of guys give very strange responses when I come out, like...are you saying this because you think I am gay?..or no no don't worry bro your not - sometimes when I watch porn I am not sure what I am attracted to exactly....or - you are just fing with me aren't you.

    And some guys characters change completely after i come out. Like they become really metro-sexual (I think cause they go like hmmph well I am sure I'm not gay for liking clothes then). Or they start doing drugs after being anti-drugs their whole life, and he tried to convince me if I do drugs I may be able to...shake my sexuality back to straightness. I mean I am not sure if *my* coming out did that, but we were very close friends and then all of a sudden 180 change after that, but I could be wrong obv.

    Also I got into a situation where i was in public transport one day, and it was extremley hot and this friend started trying to kiss me and stuff, I was thinking - wth I thought your straight what are you doing, I just dismissed it at the time as sun stroke and even blamed my self because I was like I am probably a cursed creature whos turning my friend into being gay (I was sure I am going to hell for being gay at the time).

    And I had another situation at a friends house where he would always be naked when I go there and I'd act dumb and go like maybe thats just what straights do. But then hed start to wrestle...and get kinda sexual altho at the time I still refused to imagine anyone else but me might be gay, and the idea of bisexuality didn't exist in my mind. I thought its either or.

    Also guys with girlfriends would sometimes hug me and say hey I heard your gay, and I'd change the subject mainly because I just go like this guy is probably just trying to jerk me around or something he has a girlfriend he can't possibly be suggesting anything but joking around.

    Anyways, all I can say I get your confusion with the 'vibes' your friends are giving off, and I lived in a sexually repressed country at the time, so I imagine with people being much more free about sex it could be a whole other world to explore there...and yes I think a lot of guys when they overcome that fear like to experiment with a guy, I don't get it...but I think its true.

    What I want to know though is what do you think about your sexuality in all of this, have you had a girlfriend before, do you actually want to try, or you want to prove your open minded, why do you want to experiment?.

    I think guys can feel the need to be quiet intimate with their man friends (jerking each other is for some reason considered ok by some self proclaimed straight guys). I mean another thing I think coming out to guys did for me, is that some became much more relaxed around me, and they'd talk about there insecurity about there penis and stuff like that, I think because i kinda already put the subject of homosexuality there, they don't feel as intimidated of being called gay themselves, since I am one my self, and I am confident that they are not.

    So ya, I don't know I am just rambling here hoping this will give you an idea about a thing or two, I am mystified by this as much as you are, but my impression is the subject sexuality is not clear and that is....I guess for time to uncover more and more. I think when we are reserved with false whites and blacks it gets really scary to understand what to do when you discover life is shades of grey kinda thing.

    I AM SO PRETENTIOUS LOL.
     
    #4 nevashiva, Feb 13, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 13, 2013
  5. whatsgoinon

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    I mean I'm a man whore, I tried to hook up every weekend and get with girls. Lately after realizing this I have a sense of uneasiness about myself talking to girls. So I want to experiment kind of to see what it's like? Also to get this idea out of the back of my head so I can return to my "alpha" male self I guess. Plus I now feel all my friends share a bond ill never experience. I actually got to talk to one of them, I know a couple of people may get offended on this viewpoint but basically he said youre the alpha male you want to have sex with girls but will with gay guys. It's just fucking something because you're just better than them. All about the chase and conquer
     
  6. whatsgoinon

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    Any other help?
     
  7. MapleCross

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    it would help to know your age as if you are a young man then it is natural for you and your friends to experiment. For some people sex is just sex and it does not matter if it is with a guy or a girl, however most of us have a preference one way or the other.

    We are all on a continuum in our sexuality on one side are those who are totally gay and on the other extreme are those who are totally heterosexual. Most of us are somewhere in the middle, able to swing either way. It all depends upon the circumstances. Eg men in prison often have sex with other men but when out of prison never have sex with a man. The same is true of the forces.

    I would suggest that you experiment and see what you like. I once heard in a film the phrase, "My dick knows what it likes" in other words it only gets really hard for other men or for women. However, I suspect that you are able to swing both ways, so give it a go.