1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Heading towards possible crisis..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by dreamyeyeboy, Feb 12, 2013.

  1. dreamyeyeboy

    dreamyeyeboy Guest

    I am 20 year old soon-to-be-engineer still stuck in the deepest pits of the closet. I have begun to feel that I have no personal life at all.. At college I am at a point where I try to push all my friends away from my personal life even though they have no idea what's really going on and have never had any problem with me.. At one point I started to really obsess with my subjects to show them that I am better and smarter than all of them even though deep inside I know that I am not that person. I have never tried to make any physical contact with other Gay people in my city or the outside world. There are 2 reasons for this - One reason is that I am terrified to trust anyone and risk the chance of being outed. Second is that I live in India where being Gay is still taboo and you almost never come across any openly gay people in real life. I am in dire need of advice and support to give my life some direction and gain self-acceptance.
     
    #1 dreamyeyeboy, Feb 12, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2013
  2. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Hi there, and welcome to EC! I'm glad you've found us here - so that you have an outlet to talk about these things.

    I can't really relate to living in India, because I live in Canada - where society is accepting of gays. I'm not sure how I would feel if I lived somewhere and that wasn't the case.

    What you're experiencing is quite normal. As we come to realize that there is something different about us, something that we're keeping as a secret, something that we fear othres will judge us on, we tend to withdraw from other people.

    Have you looked for any kind of gay support groups in India? Do such things exist? Is there any kind of group like that at your university?

    You talk about 'still' living in India. Do you have plans to move away? Maybe building your plan to finish school and move to a more accepting country will give you the strength that you need to finish your studies.

    Otherwise, plan on spending time here. You can 'virtually' leave India by coming here.
     
  3. Ditz

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2012
    Messages:
    372
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    South Africa
    Hi... I think a lot of us can relate... It's not easy but then life would be pretty boring without any challenges to overcome. I must confess I don't know much about India and wouldn't be able to give you any advice on that, but it would make sense to finish your studies and build yourself some security before you make any drastic moves.

    As for coming out, you don't need to rush it, I'm sure there re other gay guys where you are living with exactly the same concerns that you have and I doubt whether they would want to out you or themselves because of the hostile environment you are describing. I'm pretty sure they also long for friendship and a support network so it might be worth your while to dig a little deeper and try to find others who are in the same boat. Having friends with whom you could be open and discuss anything is worth their weight in gold.

    If not that, there's always us! Maybe not quite the same as having someone sit next o OU, but at least we are here, we can listen and to give advice.
     
  4. RainbowMan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2012
    Messages:
    618
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NYC
    I'm in the US, but work for a company that has a LARGE presence in India. I know for a fact that we have an LGBT network that has done things in our India offices, so while perhaps taboo, it's not unheard of and illegal (I don't think).

    Being an engineer makes me interested in recruiting you, LOL :grin: (but that's not what this is about). I'm fairly certain that you'll find other employers who are equally accepting, and a group of friends that can accept you without outing you because of the cultural concerns that exist there.

    I really can't imagine having to involuntarily live in hiding (I've been voluntarily doing it for quite some time, I'm just starting the coming out journey myself), and I feel sorry for you and anyone in a similar situation.