Im being really honest here, but I thought I was falling for this girl I really like, we are still in early stages though she is like a kindred spirit in so many ways but ad I was getting ready for work I just broke down and it brought up everything I was trying to move past or forget and the weight of it came crashing back with so much force and such intensity I took a day off work, I realised despite all my trying I am still in love with my same sex male best friend and it hurts. We spend less time now since I realised I need to pull back since he is straight and I've been encouraging to move foward with a girl he likes, and I've been trying to slowly do the same with a girl I like (but unsure if she feels the same), but this is hard, so many think bisexuality may seem like the easy way out of being gay, but it is truly excruciating for those who are in situations like this, my sexuality is so fluid, sometimes I feel so unsteady, uncertain, dislocated! I want to get over him, I need to get over him, yet at the same time I also am falling in love with her, how is this possible, how can I move on? I know honesty seems like the best option but with him in not sure if he'd be willing or ready to process it, I use to think we may have a chance but I don't think so anymore. As for her I feel almost dishonest pursuing her while still feeling so strongly for him, yet I do find myself also emotionally and physically attracted to her!!! I don't know how to resolve this, how to remain intact and not lose myself to this torrent of confusion??
The pain doesnt go away over night, it takes time. Right now since you cant get rid of it, you have to make space for it. I promis you if your heart is so full with regret of loosing your friend that you cant really love someone right now, then you are not ready to love yet. Give it more time. Its ok to wait and give yourself the courage to be patient. The really nice thing about feeling lost is that its a great time to start finding yourself again. Much love,
