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straight marriage???

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by teen97, Feb 12, 2013.

  1. teen97

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    So recently I've decided to identify myself as gay , although I'm not 100% sure I just want to know what i am to do because I've always had that dream of a wife and kids and I still do but I would feel as if I am lying to myself and wife/kids because i would try my best to make it work but I know deep down I know that I won't want it to work out because I truly want to be with a guy , so I was just wondering if its worth trying and if anywhere here currently in this predicament have any advice.
    I know I'm way too young to be thinking about marriage and kids but I was always curious what I am going to do when I am actually faced with this problem.
    Thank you for taking time to read this all comments are appreciated and accepted
     
  2. Sarah1

    Sarah1 Guest

    If you are gay you will never be fully satisfied in a relationship with a woman.
     
  3. PeteNJ

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    Welcome to EC, keep posting. Keep thinking and reflecting on who you are and what you want.

    I'm one of the many married men (and women) on EC, who after marriage & kids, know that its time to move on and find happiness living out, not in the closet. Some of us here are trying to still make it work in a marriage.

    Personally, I think the cost is enormous, to try and live like someone you're really not. I've started coming out to friends and I can't wait to be in the next part of my journey - gay & out.
     
  4. Reptillian

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    This isn't always true. For one, you are ignoring the existence of heteroromantic homosexual. Another thing is that you're ignoring conditions where the gay person in question has a shifting sexuality, so in a way, that person could develop OSA. And then, there is stories of mixed-orientations marriage where people work out with compromises or conditions. However, I will admit that it's unlikely to work out, but never is a false statement.
     
  5. castle walls

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    Welcome to EC!

    I hate to be negative but I think it is incredibly unethical for a homosexual to lie to enter a marriage with a person of the opposite sex. (There are a few exceptions but I wouldn’t consider this one of them) You’d be deceiving her just to get what you want and basically robbing her of the opportunity to find someone that can truly love her in the way that she is expecting.

    If you tell your wife what is going on and she agrees to marry you then that is another story but to lie and deceive her for countless years (if not forever) doesn’t seem right to me. It isn’t fair to her and it also isn’t fair to you. You will also be depriving yourself of a healthy emotionally and sexually fulfilling relationship. Based on your post, you don't seem to be heteroromantic or fluid so a relationship with a woman won't do much for you.

    Also, I wouldn't recommend living in the closet for your entire life. (That doesn't mean you should come out tomorrow. You should only come out when you're ready and at a point in your life where you'll be safe). Social science suggests that it is not good for you physically or emotionally (I can provide links to studies if you'd like). Dr. Robert Trivers has even said it negatively affects your immune system.

    I think you should spend more time getting comfortable with being gay. As time goes on, you may find that there is something else you want even more than a wife and kids. Perhaps a husband and kids?

    Good luck!
     
  6. Pret Allez

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    I just wanted to throw out there that I agree with this.

    There's no reason you can't have a family and kids within the context of a gay relationship.
     
  7. EarthBound

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    Hi there! Welcome to EC! As others have said, I do not think it is right for you to enter into a relationship with a woman, marry her, have kids, and know deep down inside you would prefer to be with a man. I believe castle walls listed some very good reasons why you should not do that.

    I would also agree with castle walls about not remaining in the closet your entire life if you become certain of who you are. There is no shame about being who we are, but keeping it repressed and living a lie only hurt you in the long run.
     
  8. Sarah1

    Sarah1 Guest

    you right i didnt mean to marginalize anybody. I'm speaking as a lesbian who just came out and ended a serious str8 relationship so I just wanted to give a warning cuz the hell I'm going through right now I woulnt wish on anybody ):