Hey guys, So, I'm meeting someone just to try and become friends with them tomorrow for the first time. It's kind of weird how we came in touch: I was just curious, and I looked at the classified ads section of my local gay website. There I saw an ad of another eighteen year old living near me, so (using a fake email address) I contacted him. I was terrible at the whole "online hook-up" thing, so in the end we agreed to chat on instant messenger for a bit and it turned out that he had just come out to his Mom and he really was only looking for friends, and I said I was the same. I'm much further on the "coming to terms with being gay" front and I'm more-or-less totally out, while he isn't. So it's been a few weeks now, and we both finally agreed to meet up because we both have the time. So we're going for a coffee and then to see a movie tomorrow... it's not a date. Well, I'm just a tiny bit worried that he might think it is, but I'm pretty certain when we first chatted that we both said we were just looking for friends, etc. Anyway, I realised how long it's been since I actually made a new friend, since I know a lot of my friends for a really long time. And I'm worried that I'll come across as totally boring or something! Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to handle this and maybe have some tips about things to talk about it? Maybe see how he's coming to terms with being gay and stuff? I'm quite nervous now. (And by the way, I've checked his Facebook profile and all that so I know he's a really person and stuff, and I know the school he goes to and stuff, and I know an acquaintance of his, so he's totally a real person and not some weird predator!) But any tips would mean a lot! Thanks.
I'm not best at making new friends, but I have had some success lately. My recommendations would to be as genuine as possible and ask them a lot of questions. People like to talk about themselves and if you are nervous its good to allow them to talk.
Going off this, there was a psychological study where this psychologist (i forgot his name) did a series of flights from one state to another (i forget which again...) and he sat in the middle isle every time making sure he had at least one person sitting next to him. During the flight he made it his goal to speak to the person next to him. As the conversations progressed the only thing he offered up in the conversation were one liners to keep the other passenger talking about themselves. At the end, when the plane landed they exchanged business cards and they said their goodbyes. After a few months the assistant to the psychologist got in contact with the participants and asked them if they remembered the guy they met on the plane. They of course remembered him and had a million and one amazing things to say about what a great guy he was, and yet when asked if they remembered his name or simply one detail about him they drew a blank. You see, they liked him because he was accessible to them. He allowed them to talk, he allowed them to vent, he allowed them to be themselves and they loved him for it. I guess what i am trying to say it... be YOURSELF and let him be HIMSELF. If you guys have talked for this long and he doesn't think you're boring, its safe to say he won't think you're boring. Unless you don't talk, at all, and don't encourage talking. Then... it'll be awkward and that is something you might want to avoid. But be you man. No-one can ask you for anything else, and no-one ever should. Good luck (*hug*)
Well, it won't be so bad since you've already been talking to him on messenger for a few weeks, right? Maybe just touch bases on some of the things you may have already discussed? Has he said anything to make you think that he would be looking at it as a date? If so, you may want to clear that up right away if you don't want it to be interpreted that way. You don't want to make things awkward by clarifying when you guys meet.
Hi guys, Thanks for all your advice. It went well, and he I did ask some questions and allow him to talk about himself a lot. He wasn't what I was expecting to be honest, and I don't know what he thought of me. Like it went OK, but I don't think either of us will be running to arrange to meet up some time soon, though I could be wrong. HadesReborn, thanks so much for mentioning the psychological study. I have a book called 59 seconds by a psychologist called Richard Wiseman and the concept of it is to separate all the fudge from the facts in the "self help" world. Let's face it: most of the stuff in self-help books is a load of crap, so he looks at things that have been heavily researched and gives self-help advice that is evidence based. It's pretty interesting. Would you mind telling me the authors of that study you mentioned? Thanks.
Like everyone has said, just be yourself. Don't treat the "hang out" as a test of your worthiness or anything like that, just be like you would if you were hanging out with a friend. Don't pretend to be someone you're not, even if you're worried he'll think you're weird. The ease and honesty of relationships with another guy is the best part of being gay, often dates are casual, and overall there's less expectation to perform. Basically, just try to have fun, don't worry about looking bad. Play video games, check out a movie, just have a great (platonic) time.
Be yourself! Let things flow very naturally. I think that it can get very awkward if you force it - like "so what's your favorite movie. What's your favorite color. What's your shoe size.." Instead, you can maybe pick a mutual topic, like - "Oh, my, we're seeing that new Julia Roberts movie - - I've watched "Pretty Woman" 100 times.. - - did you ever see __? " Just let it happen!
