Slit my wrists and drank a bunch of beer.. thinking about swallowing a bunch of sleeping pills. I haven't showed up to class in 2 weeks. My sister has been outing me to a lot of people. My best guy friend asked if he could "hang out with me" on valentines day and I had to tell him I wasn't in to him. I'm a fucking lesbian... I'm worried I lost a friend. Too much stress. I'm Failing most of my classes. I don't have any gay friends. I just wanna die. How can I get my life back together? I'm already seeing a therapist but I can't focus in university and the more behind I get the more depressed I get.
I'm sorry to hear about everything that's happening - university may seem overwhelming, but it's not worth it to keep up with it if it's making things that much harder for you. There are ways to work through this, but right now the goal, I think, is getting through the night. Can you please clarify - have you hurt yourself already? Do you need medical help?
Oh, no! Please don't do this to yourself. It's not healthy and there's nothing wrong with being who you are. Please do not harm yourself; I've been there and I've done that. You are who you are no matter what.
Asari!!! NO!!! (*hug*) you are my gay friend having served in ministry together. DON'T HURT YOURSELF!!! IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE!!
Your thread title says you need help. Would you like us to get you some? What do you need? Are you bleeding seriously?
I'm not bleeding too bad. I got really drunk and I've been really stupid the last few hours. I have been hurting for a really long time and I don't know who to go to. ---------- Post added 13th Feb 2013 at 03:38 AM ---------- Thank you. I've been meaning to reply to you but things have gotten so bad the last few months I haven't had much motivation to post anything. My sister has been outing me to my conservative family and I have been trying to come out to christian friends but I just can't. I am too chicken.
If you think the bleeding becomes bad enough to need help, please do call a doctor, or 911, especially if you've been drinking. Have you talked to your therapist about wanting to hurt yourself? What about any other friends/family? Have you talked to anybody on EC, whether a staff member or anyone else?
Thank god your okay! First of all NEVER EVER hurt yourself again! With that out of the way, what do you want to unload. Anything and everything either here or on my wall. Now or whenever! If your "friend" is willing to leave you over something like this, then he is not your friend and not worth your time. I know the feeling it took me forever to finally meet some gay people. You will find them though or they will find you! ---------- Post added 13th Feb 2013 at 03:48 AM ---------- what has been the response from your family? Has your sister given you any indication as to why she is doing this?
I'm so glad you're okay. Have you tried to connect with other gay people at all? You mentioned not having any gay friends. Do you think you could try to make some? I know it can be hard to be social when you are depressed. Did you come out to your friend, or just say you weren't interested?
I'm afraid if I tell anyone especially my therapist that I will end up locked up. I am terrified of being locked up or restrained. It is a phobia of mine that would trigger an anxiety attack. She is a very impulsive and immature person. She is very disrespectful to my parents and it is obvious they trust me more.I think she is jealous of me. My parents haven't acted too different around me but my sister told me my mom cried and said "my daughter will never have grandchildren." My older sister (the other sister) says she accepts me but I can tell she is uncomfortable.. which is weird seeing as she is bisexual. I just told my friend I wasn't interested. I don't want to tell him I'm gay because he is friends with all my friends. I have been afraid to go to gay groups because I am afraid that I won't be accepted. In other words I've developed serious fear of rejection.
It's normal for parents to grieve when their child comes out. But it sounds like they love you and want you to be happy. Your mother is wrong about something though--you can still have children. Have you talked to them about it at all? Can you? It might be helpful for you to talk to them. You can take them resources from PFLAG, or even take them to a PFLAG meeting. It can be really helpful for parents to talk to other parents who have been through it already. It could be that you sister is still somewhat uncomfortable with her own sexuality. Your mother's "no grandchildren" thing may also have really bothered her, on her own part. Is your bisexual sister involved in the community at all? For the most part, gay groups I have gone to have been extremely accepting. But I think you know that your fear isn't really based on anything rational. Would your sister go to something with you the first time?
no, i really doubt they'd "lock you up". I think what you really need though it to talk with someone about what your going through. It'll help you to relax and not feel so insecure. There will be that period. It's not even starting to be cool that she outed you. IMHO no one should ever out anyone else. As far as your parents and older sister go, give it some time to settle. I bet in a month it'll just like old times. It just takes some time for something else to take the center stage. (if you know what I mean) I would really recommend gay groups. I think the final motivating factor that got me meeting gay people and the most comfortable with myself was when a friend dragged me out to a club (while there are many other options, this was just my route). oh and most gay people know what it feels like to be rejected and hurt, so for the most part, the gay friends that I have around here are some of the nicest, most accepting and reliable friends that I have oh and if your worried about people outing you, so far I've never had someone mention that they saw me at the club so far ^-^
My family lives about 3 hours from me so trying to go to a support group with them is difficult. I know for sure that my mom knows but I don't know if my dad knows. My parents are extremely religious and My dad brings up ex-gay therapies and stuff around me a lot. I know that my parents will love me no matter what but I think it might be difficult for them to accept something that they consider a sin. Right now I am so insecure and exhausted that I don't think I can take that type of judgement. When my little sister found out she was so upset she started crying and telling me I needed to repent. My older sister is bisexual but she isn't involved in the community. She is married to a man and even though she has dated women she makes fun of gay people all the time and even told me gay people shouldn't be able to raise kids. (In other words she is internally homophobic, ashamed of her own sexuality) I think I'm most afraid of my dad though. I'm afraid he is going to find out when I want to be the one to tell him. It's hard to come out to people when you don't have anyone who can support you. I've only had one friend that reacted well. Another reason I'm afraid of getting involved is sometimes I think I might be going through a faze or maybe I just need to wait till I meet the right guy. I'm afraid of coming out and then suddenly realizing I was never gay I was just confused. I know this is mostly because growing up in church I was promised that god would give me attractions towards men so I figured it would just happen someday..
I think the hardest thing for me right now though is that I don't want to get out of bed or do any of my school work. I've gotten really behind in school.
Relax, if they know, they know. If they don't, they dont. You have no control over that. Give it some time and focus on you and your needs which right now are more important tan theirs. Don't worry about it. I've had people who think they might be gay as friends before and turn out not to be. IMHO: God gave you an attraction to women instead Which is equal in every way to an attraction to men! I think you should do the opposite of what your doing right now. I know a lot people would disagree with me, but I think you should push aside the issues and work on school. Make it through the semester and then take the summer or fall semester to work it out. Like I said earlier, if you can just give everything some time and pull though the trenches, you'll end up making it to nice beach on the other side (*hug*)
