I am in love with my best friend of 4+ years and he seems confused. What should I do?

This is A LONG STORY, but I bet a lot of people can relate, or help me out. thank you.
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I am in love with my best friend. We are both 17. I met him in 6th grade and he was best friends with this one kid and they were kind of annoying. In 7th grade we had our first period class together and we became friends and goofed around a ton. He is a kind country boy and he was the most respectful gentleman back then. He was kind of chubby, but he was honestly still cute back then. So one day his best friend, who had already become my best friend, kept saying I had a small dick. So one day he kept saying it and in front of the best friend I like, we both whipped out our dicks and showed eachother. However, my best friend I like did not and called us gay, but didn't leave and watched. I had the bigger one, but that isn't the point. I just found it weird he stayed and watched. Anyway he moved to another country for a year after 7th grade was over, and I hated that year. I cried and was sad, but he finally came back a year later, and I met him @ the airport with balloons because I was looking forward to his arrival so bad. So I liked this one girl I thought I was "in love with" and she was likeable and funny and had a decent personality. She also had a nice body so most guys were all over her. I was her best friend and I was silly and dorky but I liked her a lot even though she wouldn't see me as more. Well, I told my best friend that I like now, to not like her or get with her because I had feelings for her. He said "bros before hoes" and later broke that promise when he asked her out when I was absent from school. Anyway, I got mad @ him and we weren't friends for a while and they broke up because the girl said he wouldn't even kiss her. That makes him seem really gay or like he was hiding something. Anyway, we became friends and then I slowly developed feelings for him when I realized all of the things I was jealous of him about were amazing, and that I actually liked his looks, personality, and humor. The moment I realized I liked him, even though I always suspected being bisexual, is when he came back from a trip to California. He was super tan and his hair was bleached blonde, even though his natural hair color is brown. I was so attracted to him, and that was about the time I started smoking weed. So I would check him out and I just slowly got the idea that I might be gay for him, and then I got drunk and high for my first time. I was at a park puking and I texted him because I didn't know who else would help me. He was a sober kid, and he came and was so nice and kind and helped me, got me food, and let me stay at his house till I got better. I immediately realized I love him then, because he was more nice to me than anyone. We were good friends for a long time, but then I told a girl that I liked him, and she told him. I found out that he knows I like him, but he didn't know that I had found out. Or maybe he did, but he never mentioned anything, ever. The girl told him to stop leading me on and he said he isnt gay and is just my friend. He was pretty homophobic back then, honestly. The idea wouldn't even cross his mind. So I found out what he said by reading his texts and stuff, and he actually said some mean things about me to my other best friend. He called me a fag and made fun of me through text, and when I read it my heart broke. I didn't give up though, and with time, he would flirt with me and get closer, and play around in class. We would always look @ eachother in class, and sometimes I would stare and he would say "stop it that's creepy" even though he loves my attention and would usually just say that, it seemed. Well he started smoking weed one day, and then we would do it a lot together, and he would be very close to me and more open. He would look into my eyes when smoking and put his big sexy veiny hands around mine when the wind got in the way of the fire. One time we were with one of my best girl friends, and he does fighting classes, so he decided to "wrestle" with me when we were high. He threw me on the bark of a playground and got on top of me and held me down, which was extremely sexy. He then kept slamming my legs and arms down as I tried to evade, and he grabbed my entire package "on accident", even though the girl saw and said it wasn't an accident at all. He giggled and I did too. The next time I had a gay experience with him was when we recorded eachother dancing to funky music. He is a funny kid and makes funny movements, but he was dancing in the weirdest ways, like shaking his ass and grabbing his dick, and just almost teasing me. Actually, really teasing me. I still have the videos of that, it's pretty sexy. One time he decided to spend the night, and I was very horny. He slept in my bed with me and when I woke up in the middle of the night I had the urge to put my hand in his pants and feel his dick. I slowly tried, and then did it, and I held his balls and dick in my hands and realized he had a very small dick. But I love him so it doesn't matter. But I felt horrible for doing that and I told one of my friends and he got mad one day and told one of my best friends who told the guy I like what I did. The guy I like told both of them to leave me alone, and I dont know if he believed them, but he didn't mention anything to me, even though he was told that I felt his dick when he was asleep. And the next time I had a gay experience with him was when we smoked after he came back from being gone a month in the summer. He smoked with me and got so high and was babbling and was being cute and i felt his abs and we got close and I had one of the biggest and hardest boners I've ever gotten. It was poking out sideways and I had white shorts on, so I knew he could tell, even though he pretended he didn't notice. It was impossible to hide it. But we flirted a lot that day, and went to a movie and sat leg to leg, and very close, and i was pretty hard just sitting next to him. I remember he dropped my phone on my lap and i was so hard it almost made a noise clashing against my dick, so he looked surprised. But anyway, we acted pretty gay around eachother for a while, but then we hung out with this girl when we we promised eachother to be sober so we wouldn't get in trouble, and he made me the third wheel by copying all of my flirtations and moves. I was bummed and he kept making it seem like I needed him for rides cause he has a car and I don't, so I stopped talking to him because he was being an asshole. We were supposed to go to college together at 16 years old, by doing a program where you start it early, but when he came to college and I turned away from him and ignored him, which was an asshole move (and broke my heart) he left college and went back to high school with our other best friend who is pretty homophobic. The next day we got caught for smoking weed because a kid I sold weed to left his facebook open and his parents read the messages and got all of our parents together. I confessed about everything but I wasn't talking to any of my friends, and it was awkward. I texted my best friend I like after ignoring him, which was dumb. I told him he always hurt me deep down inside and I never wanted things to be this way. I think I overexaggerated a lot and wasted a lot of time we could have been friends, but we became friends 2 weeks later when I apologized and hugged him. We were friends for like 2 weeks until he was a total asshole to me and threw something at me, because I was telling our other friend to slow down and drive safe because he was driving wrecklessly. I got mad and we didn't talk for 2-3 months. But his birthday was coming along on thanksgiving, and I had a page where we wrote and drew all of our sophomore memories, and a picture of when I met him at the airport after he was gone for a year. So I put those two together, wrote "thanks for the memories", and left it at his door thanksgiving morning with his name on the envelope. He was in california apparently, but I think he got it when he came back. I posted country love songs, because he is a country boy and got me into country, and I was missing him, and he liked the songs I posted on facebook even though we didnt talk in forever. I decided to message him and it was awkward but we talked for a while even though he had no phone or car because he was grounded for getting caught with weed again. So we talked until one night he told me to sneak out and come drink with him @ his house. So I did, and when I got there he already made himself look all cute for me like he always seems to. He seems to get ready for me to see him be cute. But we got insanely drunk together and walked around in public taking shots and just being goofy. We didn't care and I had no worry in the world because I was with him. We continued sneaking out together and I would come into his room and he would just like flirt with me or be awkward, and then we would drink or smoke or both. But it was cute and he would give me his longboard so I could ride home fast. We watched a chick flick together and we would always dress cute for eachother it seemed. Well, he got ungrounded and he took me snowboarding and taught me how to snowboard when nobody else would. When we went to a hot tub after snowboarding recently he was drying himself off shirtless while my other friend was in the other room, and he was shaking his ass while drying himself shirtless. He said "JK" like that put aside the fact he was being very gay and teasing me. Anyway, most recently we went on a lift to the top of the mountain and it only had 2 seats, and he chose to go with me instead of letting our other friend go with me. That day he had baggy sweats on and it seems like he purposefully made them fall off his ass a little so I could see his underwear, because he has the nicest ass ever. Anyway, he rode with me on the lift to the top, it reached above the clouds and had a beautiful view. I felt special since it was my first time on it and he chose to go with me. That day was great and later when we went and got food, he mentioned something so cute. He was talking about a hot girl he met that day he came to college (he didn't mention I was ignoring him) and I felt horrible. Anyway, he said he wrote her # down, even though the teacher told us to meet people in class and get their numbers, so he didn't just like actually ask for her number by himself. But he said on that paper it had a place for an emergency contact, and he wrote me down. He even memorized my phone number and email and said it, and he smiled and blushed. I was about to cry because I ignored him back then and he wrote my name down and was so sweet. But anyway, we hung out yesterday and I got high but he didnt because he cant right now, but he acts so silly around me. He acts like his true self and we have the same sense of humor and taste in music, and we are just so comfortable together. He is a bit awkward and uncomfortable at moments it seems, because he doesn't seem like he knows his sexuality well. He seems confused and scared, but I don't know what to do. We have been best friends forever and he technically knows I like him and he leads me on but then pushes me away sometimes too. He recently started calling things "gay" and said "faggot" even though he hasn't said any of that for a long time, and some girls told me he was mad when they said gay jokes not too long ago. So I want to know what I should do. Sorry for the long story, but I thought maybe you would find my love for this boy interesting. I love him more than anything but I don't know what to do.