I've just been in a really horrible mood the past week. I don't feel like talking to anyone or doing anything really outgoing unless I have to or I usually do it. Today was especially bad. I feel like I can't keep up with all my work. I also feel that some of my friends might not be really good friends. I think I might just start hanging around other people partially. But there's no freaking space at the lunch table to sit with the other people, most of them bring their own lunch so by the time I get there with my hot lunch there's not enough space to sit by people I feel comfortable with! And I don't know how to make new friends very well! Anyways, I think if they get the feeling that I'm just not going to deal with them being b****** that they'll stop. Cause I've done that before with them. BUT how do I not get it back to the point where they are annoying me? Let me give you an example of what they do in a normal fucking day. In core/flex (the first part of the day we are all together usually) I feel like they pick on me the most. Here's something that actually happened. In PE I was on a team with my 2 of my friends for a weird variation of volleyball (not important). Anyways, anytime I or THEY didn't get the ball they'd say "Hey [My Name], come on, you were supposed to get that", or something of the sort. They do this a lot and it's rare that in a sport of some sort (I rhymed! :icon_wink) that they will not say something kind of like what was said above. It really pisses me off. What pisses me off MORE is myself! I wish I could just tell them to stop, but I'm kind of shy and don't know how to set up freaking boundaries so I feel like this is normal which it shouldn't feel like. And now my grades are being bitches because of this YARGHHHH! I'm really insecure because I'm so shy. Most people get louder when they get more insecure, for me it's the opposite. I get all quiet and I guess you could say (emo)tional, which is probably worse because I don't tell anyone. I'm really quiet anyway so it feels normal to be so quiet. I also might be stressed because it's the first time I've had AP classes, and this is like the hardest part of the school year. I think the real thing I'm trying to ask her is how to set up more boundaries or figure out how to "small talk", and meet new people. Because usually with me it ends in an awkward silence unless the other person has a lot lot lot in common with me, or is just my type. Sorry I was so sporadic and scatterbrained, but I didn't have a lot of time to edit this. :help:
Ok so... your main concern is that you're insecure and not outgoing enough...? If that's the case maybe teach yourself to make idle chat with people until it becomes second nature to you. However, I think this is more of an insecurity issue. You must accept yourself for who you are and not worry about what others think. (easier said than done I know) Try to focus on staying positive, including thinking about yourself in a positive light.
