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out of all my friends, i confide in my crush the most-not good

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by sunnii, Feb 13, 2013.

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  1. sunnii

    sunnii
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    Like, I have.t had TRUE friends in over 10 years before my current social circle. But the one I have connected with most is the one I instantly fell for as soon as I net him. Not solely because I fancy him but the way he acts with me as well. As well as other stuff he has been the most supportive once I came out . And I'm yet to receive negative feedback since coming out.


    What's shit is not only do I have a hot guy friend (finding a true friend was an issue in itself let alonft being a guy let alone being a HOT guy )who treats me as awesome a he does. It's like I could tell him ANYTHING but the one thing I want to talk about.is my crush on him. He straight so I know that well never fate buy being besties is what I've always (realistically) wanted
     
    #1 sunnii, Feb 13, 2013
  2. TwoMethod

    TwoMethod
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    This is the worst thing in the world, isn't it?!

    I often wish to become friends with some somewhat flawed, slightly ugly looking people so I won't become attracted to them.

    So, if I'm understanding you correctly, you're friends with this guy, just not best friends? So that means I presume you're not out to this guy? If so, coming out to him is definitely a good first step. That will also let him know that you value your friendship with him.

    At least you've reached the right conclusion: he's straight, and thus there is no possibility of being in a relationship with him.

    But then you have to ask yourself why you want to be best friends with him. Do you think you'll be able to handle being best friends with him as you also are crushing on him? I don't know if I could stick it, even though I have definitely been in similar situations and wanted the same thing in the past!

    Also: if you want to be best friends with him, I don't know if telling him you have a crush on him is the best idea. If he thinks logically by any sense of the term, then he'll probably realise that getting closer to you, even in a friendly kind of way, is probably a bad idea. And he probably would be right, unfortunately.
     
    #2 TwoMethod, Feb 17, 2013
  3. sunnii

    sunnii
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    Lol we actually are best friends. And I am out and he's so cool with it in fact out of all the friends I've came out to he's been the best about it. He doesn't know about my crush on him. I didn't want to be best friends because I had a crush on him. I did always have a crush on him and I always liked talking to him but I didn't realise how close we were until he said to me"I e obly known you for a few months (8) but you're one of my best friends" that was last July and I didn't come out till last October
     
    #3 sunnii, Feb 18, 2013
  4. BudderMC

    BudderMC
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    This parallels my experience so much. My "best" (though I hate that term) friend was the first person I came out to, the one I talk to the most about stuff, and he's really attractive. I didn't even want to live with him through university before I was out because I thought I was gonna make things difficult for myself. But I did, and I don't regret a thing.

    Funny thing is, a while back he came to talk to me because he was having issues crushing on a mutual friend of ours. He speculated that the big reason he liked her was that she was one of the few girls to actually seem to show some interest in him - and not even romantic interest. In his words, "he'd like a brick wall if it seemed interested in him".

    After having that talk, I realized that for the most part those were also my feelings towards him. I had such strong feelings for him because he's the first guy in my life to actually care about what I was going through, and was willing to listen without me sounding like a burden. He was also infinitely supportive in my coming out amongst other things.

    I ended up telling him two days later about my feelings for him, explaining that I felt the same way about him as he did about our friend. And he totally understood. I'd even argue we're closer than ever.

    Of course, he's still really attractive in a lot of ways, but reminding myself that there will be other guys who will care about me AND be able to actually reciprocate my feelings helps keeps things in perspective. :slight_smile:

    Perhaps this is the case with you? It's something worth thinking about.
     
    #4 BudderMC, Feb 18, 2013
  5. sunnii

    sunnii
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    ---------- Post added 18th Feb 2013 at 05:53 PM ----------

    [/COLOR]

    As I've mentioned before I crushed on him instantly. When I crush I crush hard but from the get go I just knew it was because he was a hot guy who was nice to me. Before I met my current friends I hadn't had a male friend in years. I remember this time last year I'd still get all flustered around him and blush instantly. I've got a lot issues ATM but most of them involve him so I can't share it with him.


    Weird thing is my crush has went from harmless crush to blushing and nervous wreck to sexy friend to sexy best friend to my idol that I would date/marry if I was gay. I feel so inferior to him and insecure that I do drink whenever were together.

    Weird thing is I have another BFF who is "on paper" hotter and I do look up and idolise them but I just seem to fancy my other bestie
     
    #5 sunnii, Feb 18, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2013
  6. sunnii

    sunnii
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    So after tbh this whole week I want to say a lot to my best friend/crush (not THAT obviously lol).

    I had two people I could feel ok completely open up to-him and a friend who is like a big sister figure. But our relationship turned a bit frosty recently and even though we were cool last time we spoke shell be away for a while since her father in law has died.


    I do kind of want to open up completely. I feel like I open up a tiny bit then.close up. I feel like if I open up I am burdening myself and boring them with my problems. Life is hard. Who likes someone who bitches about it a lot (I probably do bitch about it less than I think)
     
    #6 sunnii, Feb 21, 2013
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