FUCKING HATE using alcohol as a crutch

I've noticed that if I'm going out with close friends, I'll not drink so much. But if I'm at a big flat party and I don't know many people, I'll invariably drink more. I don't think it's too serious a problem, but I get that you might feel as if you're relying on it.

 

Oh, no I think I may have a serious problem then. I'm socially awkward as well and I've noticed that it's a major problem. The first step is admitting that I have a problem, but I'm so embarrassed to seek help

I'm actually drinking at the moment with my brother and our mutual friend. I think I'm turning them into alcoholics as well. My father has been sober for over 25+ plus years, but I think I'm falling into his footsteps. It was a temporary thing for me, but then I noticed that I like who I am more while under the influence.

 

FWIW, I didn't go to AA or anything like that to cut down on my drinking - I came out to myself. This may sound like a cliche, but it's certainly true. Then I decided to get in shape, and in order to do that, cutting down on the drinking is a requirement.

I've decided not to live a lie anymore, and alcohol was helping me do just that. I went out tonight (for my first weeknight drink in probably 2-3 months) because it was social, and all I had was two glasses of red wine (before I would have slammed 5-6 beers easy, and not the light stuff!). I'm still not 100% out (heck, not even 25% out, including to the person I was drinking with tonight), but the mere fact of admitting it to myself helped me.

Hang in there, and you can do it!

 

I hear the story over and over again in AA..."Never felt quite a part of ..." "Felt like everyone else had a how-to book on life that I never got..." "Didn't feel social, funny, sexy, confident..."

"Then I found alcohol"

I was obsessed with whether my drinking was a problem more and more and like was previously mentioned I wish I would have just gone to AA before I had built all my youth's social skill making time on booze...and pot.

pinklov3ly, just wanted to mention the disease of alcoholism does run in families and it is cool your dad has been able to maintain sobriety. My mom and sister still drink and addiction is all over the place in my family. I SWORE I would never be like my mom but it gradually ended up being my only resource to cope. Eventually it stops working.

I cannot say whether anyone else is an alcoholic though. I accept that I am and meetings have been amazing because there seems to be a lot of similarities in the ways we alcoholics think and act way past the drinking. Now I am feeling much more authentic and my confidence is building on less shaky ground.:eusa_danc

 

Yeah, my dad is very worried about how much I drink and he makes his little comments. Which in turn makes me not want to drink. But I'll admit that my drinking started/became excessive once I was in college/during my questioning phase. My friend and my brother seem to think they can say no to booze, but we're still drinking. I can't say no unfortunately

 

If you think it's a problem, it may be. If you have no control over when and how much you drink, then it definitely is a problem. Don't wait too long to take care of the issue, and definitely don't minimize and trivialize the impact it is having on your life. The fact you say that you "never ever want to be tee-total" (I'm guessing that means complete abstinence from alcohol) signifies a possible problem. You're subconsciously protecting your relation to alcohol, giving it its own security and placehold in your life, and robbing yourself of your own security and place in life. That is scary shit. Alcohol gets confused with comfort, and in return, any thoughts of removing or endangering alcohol's existence in your chemical makeup, is equated with endangering your sense of well-being. Basically, alcohol will become a monster that will tell you lies to remain a fundamental part of your life. It will push your mother down the stairs; it will wreck your car; it will make you overdose on painkillers and nearly go into cardiac arrest; it will make you lie to your grandparents; it will break you When you tell it to go away, withdrawals will cause you to have auditory and visual hallucinations, you will throw up bile and stay awake for 4 days, you will nearly die. The pain and a sense of it will leave you crawling back for more, despite what you promised yourself and others. It will make you its slave. It will break you.

So, as far as becoming a boring ass "tee-totaller", the drink you cherish does not give a damn about its effect its had on your life. Alcohol will never show remorse, and does not value your sense of loyalty and praise. It only wants to eat through you like a wildfire, and infect and poison everyone connected to you. It's your decision whether or not to stop it. And, it is a decision. The reward pathway doesn't understand moderation, and alcohol sets it into perpetual motion, never slowing down. Even after decades of sobriety, moderation doesn't amount to jack. shit.

If you "think" you had a problem, take a serious look into it, and don't discredit your only route to being alive and healthy. Seriously. There's always a new bottom anyone can reach, so don't accept negative consequences when they could have been avoided. The more you do that, the harder it gets. I read one of your other posts about getting shitfaced to build the courage to have a deep talk with your friends about your sexuality. I don't know if you ever responded, but I don't want anyone to ever have to go through that unnecessary pain. If you need any advice, I've been there, done that.

 

Alcohol is a nasty chemical, It has many empty promises, and can get you into some serious trouble if you are not careful. 12 step programs like AA can teach you how to deal with your flaws so you do not have to rely on alcohol that often makes your situation worse. NA is another 12 step program that usually has a younger crowd than AA, just as effective but deals with other substance abuses, either one works as long as you are willing to put effort in to it. You must do it for yourself, No one else can do it for you.
Just a little thing you need to keep in mind if you choose this route.

 

That's the beauty of AA it is inexpensive, just give them $1 per visit/session and listen to others, speak your mind, they can help you to help yourself

 

And you don't even have to give a dollar if you can't afford it!

Heard tons of people share how thy spent tens of thousand of dollars on rehab and therapy only to find the real solution in AA! My therapist helped me get to AA and it is there I felt comfortable and supported to finally do something to find true happiness...and fun!

 

Ive been falling on Alcohol here lately, and I hate it. I really hate it cause Im really bad for drunk texting, like I wish I could hide or lock my phone from myself sometimes. But it has become like a ritual for me, just like last night what did I fall on? Drinking but of course, I have a shitty day what do I want, alcohol. I have got to get out of this before I become an alcoholic, yet I dont want to at the same time, It makes me well feel better... O lord saying that jsut made me realize that I really need to stop this.

 

You need to learn to be social without it. I have panic attacks when I'm talking to people I don't know, but I've learned not to be hard on myself. I still feel like crap when I don't say what I want to say, but that's life. If you think alcohol is a problem, then quit giving it excuses for its importance in your life. I don't really know how to help you, other than tell you a few things. There was nothing anyone could say to me before I hit my bottom that would have stopped me. Give your self some credit for things you are proud of, and focus less on the things you aren't so good at.