Terrified but still thinking about going out dressed

I hope someone responds, bc I would also love some advice on the subject

 

Hi cassie, i saw this but didnt respond because i dont know what advice to give, but good luck

 

Panties and nail polish sound like fun

 

Baby steps are better than no steps Cassie I'm just thrilled that we can talk about this kind of stuff to each other , idk if you're like me but talking about it makes me feel soo much better and comfortable about it.

 

Of course I'm going to respond! We're on the same team! Haha, us girls have to stick together!

 

Hello Cassie! I totally understand how you feel. When I went out in a dress to my first therapist appointment I was just mortified. Now I'm comfortable enough to wear a dress pretty much everywhere. One of the things that really helped me get over my social anxiety at first was going out as a group with the other trans girls. It helped a ton having other girls there to pick my self-esteem up when someone was making snide comments or gawking.

My therapist taught me that my own happiness should outweigh what some stranger thought of me. People only have power over you if you let them. If you exude confidence while in a dress then people will either respect or fear you. Those that fear you are the ones who gawk and make stupid comments. At the end of the day though you're just a fleeting thought to people who judge you. So it's best to treat them as the fleeting thought that they are and continue feeling good about yourself. Trust me, the feeling of freedom casting away the shackles of "boy mode" makes dressing up well worth it.

I'd play it safe though and dress gender neutral at your campus until you feel confident enough to wear a dress 24/7. However, in the meantime it's important to continue to do the little things to make yourself feel better. So keep painting your nails and wearing whatever undergarments make you happy. Piercing my ear also really helped early on; earrings are a small enough customizable accessory that most people hardly even notice it. Though I wouldn't recommend rocking a 1 ear chandelier. XD

Some other tips to help ease the social anxiety of being out in public in a dress is learning what gas stations have unisex bathrooms near shopping centers and restaurants that you like. It really helps keep your image and confidence when you're not forced to use a mens room. -_- If you need make-up tips on how to hide having a 5 o'clock shadow I'd be happy to help. :3 Good luck on your journey and have fun at your support group! ^_^

 

oh it is nice dorms on campus i run to mine to pee. Sadly my school does not have unisex bathrooms, but another one in town does, and everybody is fine with it...why not have em everywhere!

im ftm, i think we got it easier. but if you look my history here i began full time dressing in all male clothing and binder really soon after my coming out here. I can't wear female stuff now, it seems silly. i am really out, and word of mouth spreads it. i had to come out because of a bad system here forcing me to be labeled my birthname everywhere even computer internet access. so i am trying to get school student therapist let me see a specialist for gender issues soon. i would really like to graduate as a man not "girl"...so everybody can get to know the real me. and then i can end using my name, it is the one mom chose for me as a boy...i mean IF i was born one. i came out to her Christmas, scariest thing ever...and she said it didnt matter my gender im her kid and she loves me. so im ready now for life, mne, not trying to worry abt others. i pity the few who insist on mislabeling me for "beliefs" and judging my gender by their eyes....well when done they will be really confused.

 

Every place should be mandated in having a single toilet unisex bathroom. Being around guys who are urinating is so danged awkward. And it totally kills the mood of wanting to primp my hair and fix make-up flaws. ;~; I can just imagine how weird it must feel being a guy and having to go around a bunch of women. And seeing all that pink. >_< Luckily I have found one Village Inn 15 minutes away that I frequently go to because they have a unisex bathroom option. I actually thanked the manager for having one for us trans to use which really surprised him. :3

You would think that in this day and age schools would be more trans friendly. And it isn't like the school system doesn't know we exist; they just try to pretend we're non-existent. It honestly doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment graduating when they force you to have your legal name printed on your diploma. I feel like all my recognition was given to someone else. I bit my tongue for years having to look at that name hanging on the wall. Now that I'm completely out I'm currently in a fight with my parents over taking all of their "sons" accomplishments down. They can't understand why I wasn't proud of seeing "my" degrees on the wall. I told them they might as well just give the stupid things away at this point as they're what their make-belief son earned. Oh the lame things we must go through. T^T

Good luck on seeing a specialist though Deaf Not Blind! Hopefully you don't suffer through a couple of horrible gatekeepers like I did. DX

 

Great responses!!! I just wish I had some girly winter clothes (uggs, peacoat, sweater dress) to wear! There's tons of snow on the ground!

 

The first time i dressed as a male, I was out with a friend of mine. I didn't talk, i let her do all the talking, because i was afraid my voice would give everything away. But you might be surprised how many people won't notice you, or that some might notice you as the gender you present yourself as. One of my friend's girl friends had seen her at the mall with me and asked who the cute boy was that she was with. So people might notice you as just a cute girl, and not know at all that you are trans.

 

Do you use a concealer stick at all Cassie? It's basically like a flesh colored lip stick that's used to hide blemishes and scars. I've been showed that it does wonders with hiding facial hair. There's also a really easy solution that I've learned for having your foundation to not make you look so pale. Buy some oil based orange lip stick and lightly dot it on top of your foundation. When you rub the concealer stick/liquid foundation and orange lipstick together it causes the foundation to take a more natural facial tone. The color orange is a neutralizer to the color blue, which is the tint of facial hair.

One of the things that helps is going to a professional beautician and explaining your situation. Places like Walgreens or Walmart generally hire anyone off the street for their make-up department. However, places like JC Pennys hire professionals who have dealt with facial hair issues in natural women. They can really help you with the basics of putting on make-up correctly. And if all else fails there is always youtube.


I use an Almay light 100 concealer stick along with a Tutti Fruity orange lip stick for my 5 o'clock shadow. Everywhere else on my face I apply a light standard liquid foundation. :3 If you are willing shell out some extra money there is specialized foundation that's made specifically for trans people you can buy online (haven't tried it yet, but I've heard positive results about it from others). Have you tried electrolysis yet?

 

Could you find a couple of cis girlfriends to go out with at first? They could a) make you feel more normal and comfortable and b) make anyone who sees you who isn't educated about transpeople see you as more normal. A few people hanging out isn't as obvious as a single transwoman, especially if some of them are cis women. Security in numbers!

I won't tell you that you won't still get some nasty looks and inappropriate comments, though. Even my visible trans friends here, in an EXTREMELY liberal city, get stares and the occasion upsetting remark. They've just learned to live with it.