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When is the best time to come out to my parents?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lazyfire, Feb 13, 2013.

  1. lazyfire

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    I have 2 years before I graduate and leave my parents. They say, naturally, it is okay for a guy to date during the 4 years of undergraduate. If I'm going to be dating guys or not dating at all, when and how do I tell my parents before college so I won't have to face this issue in the future?

    They have high expectations so I don't know how to approach this issue.
    Help? :icon_sad:
     
  2. hkraised

    hkraised Guest

    COMING OUT (Ch. 3) "Straight People" - YouTube
    I havent watched it in a while but I think this video is funny and actually quite helpful

    Personally I think I will wait until i am dating someone in uni and pretty happy and secure. Then I think it will make me more confident in the idea of being gay so I can tell my mom, to each their own though, you have a better idea than us of how your parents might react. As, if i recall correctly, the video says, Im not going to come out by introducing my gf lol
     
  3. shovelman

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    That's a bit of a hard one :/. First, are your parents open minded or are they more conservative? Second and most important, how comfortable are you with telling your parents?

    For me there was really no best time until I found an opportunity to tell them individually so maybe that's an approach you might want to take but idk, it's different for everyone :/.
     
  4. Aielar

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    I'd suggest doing it when you and your parents both have a decent amount of time when you decide you're ready to come out to them. That way, it won't be rushed and they'll have time to ask questions if they have any. Other than that, just wait until you're ready - even if that's five months from now :slight_smile:
     
  5. RainbowMan

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    I can answer the question from my perspective. It was really important to me that my parents knew, before I started seeing someone. I didn't want to have to hide the relationship, and in reality, I don't think anything good can come of hiding something like that. So having just accepted myself a few months prior, I decided that I'd do it on my 34th birthday (last week).

    Having conservative parents, this was the most difficult decision that I'd ever made. In the end, I was rewarded beyond my wildest expectations, in that essentially nothing has changed between us. I thought that they would turn to religion, try to make me straight, all of those sorts of things. None of that happened.

    I guess that the moral of the story is that in the end, you really can't judge a book by it's cover. Conservative parents can be very accepting. Conversely, a friend has told me that he knows guys that have very liberal parents that have freaked out. Again, don't judge the book by it's cover.

    All of that said, to directly (or indirectly) answer the question, the best time is when it feels right to you. Don't let anyone or anything else pressure you into it, and at the same time, don't talk yourself out of it. You'll know when the right time is.
     
  6. lazyfire

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    1. They seem a bit conservative. On the outside, they don't have a single thing against gays but I know my parents discuss a lot of issues among themselves. If my mom is stressed, she'd continuously bring up the topic with other people. It's a scary though since my family is very traditional. No one in my family is like me, so I don't know how they would react.

    2. I am not comfortable at all. If I tell them now, I feel that I would just ruin our relationship for the next 2 years since I'll be living under their roof.

    They've always taught me to be the dominant man, a strong one too. My dad always mentions the 'unworthy' men of our family and how feminine they are even though they are straight.

    I don't want my dad to blame himself for my sexuality since he treats me like a baby and acts very 'homo' around me? (hugs, affectionate, awkward smooches) <- Makes me shudder.

    I don't want to cause anymore problems for my family. If you know what I mean. I don't want them to underestimate me, I want them to believe in me :slight_smile:.

    ---------- Post added 14th Feb 2013 at 02:16 AM ----------

    When I saw 'five months', I couldn't help but burst laughing.
    Make that 5 years, for me :slight_smile:.

    I might decide to come out if I get a boyfriend, if that ever works. It seems like I don't have enough time at all for a one on one conversation. I'm just so busy with hobbies and things I like.

    Maybe a good 4 day weekend will help me decide.. :grin:

    ---------- Post added 14th Feb 2013 at 02:19 AM ----------

    I feel that, as long as I've maintained my virginity, they would understand. What bothers me, is the culture and tradition of my family. It really pushes me to think about this. Even though my mom would understand, the background of my dad is just holding me back.
    I can't say for sure he'd ever accept my sexuality, nor my sister. But, I think they would appreciate the truth.

    Thanks. I hope to find the time and you're advice was so inspiring. :3
     
  7. shovelman

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    Well then you can perhaps show them that you're a strong individual and try to change their out view on gay people if they react in a negative way because in the end it all comes down to you being you and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that :slight_smile:.