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Coming out at work?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by RainbowMan, Feb 14, 2013.

  1. RainbowMan

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    I think that I'd like to come out at work, but I have nothing to come out ABOUT - i.e. no boyfriend or anything like that. Also, I'm not the type of person to make a big production out of myself, so there's that to consider.

    Should I just wait til I have something concrete in my life before coming out? And even if I do that, the questions about how to logistically do it without making a big production still stand.

    I don't really like attracting undue attention to myself, and I feel that by coming out, I'd be doing just that. On the other hand, I'd like to help out with the LGBT network, and really the only way to do that is if you're out (or very senior, which I'm not).

    So what to do?
     
  2. Kay

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    There seems no reason to come out unless you want to find out if there are other gays around who may say hi. I never came out anywhere unless it was needed. I never hid but I never just blurted it out. Hugs darling
     
  3. The Queen Bee

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    I'm kind of like Kay... And you.
    My sexual orientation is no one's business...
    It actually bothers me when people ask stupid question thinking they outsmart me into outing myself (not that it's happens that often, but it's an attitude I find annoying and intruding).
    I think sexuality is very personal, so I don't see myself posting it on FB and yelling it from the rooftops. That said, I don't hide it.

    Honestly, the easiest way for me is to wear a rainbow bracelet. It doesn't have the recognition I hoped for, but it's there. And I can show it to people when Queer stuff comes around... There's always that one person who believe I just support.

    You can mention here and there news about Queer rights and or make comment like "OMG!! ____ (insert name of male celebrity crush) is very attractive... I have a crush on him"...
    Sort of slipping it... smoothly.

    When I'm asked about a boyfriend and I say: "I don't have one... And you meant 'girlfriend', actually".

    And, also... For my friend's boyfriends and family and the sort, I have told them to out me. It's easier... Then I don't have to deal with it and I know they know.
     
  4. Femme

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    I'm having this same struggle too. It annoys me that there has to be a "coming out" at all. When I had a boyfriend many years ago, I'd just mention him in passing when discussing my weekend or vacation plans. It irritates me to no end that I'm so "private" now that I never discuss my life outside of work. There is a huge difference in my behavior from when I had a bf to now that I have a gf. I really miss the comraderie of my straight life. I never knew I was attracted to women until I was an adult.
     
  5. ForceAndVerve

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    I would wait until you actually had a reason to come out. Or someone asks you a question like "is there a special lady in your life" or something like that.

    I think the pervious posters covered it very well :slight_smile:
     
  6. AKTodd

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    I actually do the mention in passing thing with my partner now. More often than not it's along the lines of 'we went to a movie this weekend' or 'while we were at Costco this weekend, we got a great deal on XXX' or stuff like that. Sometimes it's 'Chris and I were doing yardwork and damn was it hot and humid...' and so on. This sort of gets the idea across quite casually and much the same way that any straight person would talk about their SO/spouse. Eventually someone may get around to asking, but most just seem to either figure it out or choose to not ask. At some point, some folks have asked to meet my partner when he comes to pick me up for lunch or something. Or he gets invited to the office holiday party and gets to meet everyone there.

    I've done this at my current and previous jobs and it's worked fine. Admittedly, both jobs have been with Fortune 500 companies and my current employer has a non-discrimination policy and offers DP benefits (which my partner is on, his health insurance through the union is outrageously expensive). He came to the department holiday party last December and got introduced to my boss, my entire team, and all of their spouses/SOs.

    I'd say that when considering being out at work, it's good to get an idea of the 'lay of the land', company policies, your boss's and co-worker's likely attitudes (it helps if they already like you, I think), the overall educational level of the area you work in, and the general 'vibe' of the place. If it feels right/safe to come out, a casual and matter-of-fact approach may work better than a specific announcement or the like.

    Just my 2c worth,

    Todd