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age difference

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by josh9623, Feb 14, 2013.

  1. josh9623

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    my friend is trying to get me together with someone, and we haven't met yet but she made it sound like he might be 19 or 20 and i was wondering if any of you have guidelines on what you think an acceptable age difference it would be nice i have been mostly excited but the age difference thing (esp. cuz of parents) is making me nervous
     
  2. if youre nervous or thinking about whether something is a good idea or not ive learnt it usually isnt.
     
  3. jackiebox101

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    It may be a good idea to stay within a safe age group for ur own health and safty
     
  4. josh9623

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    well what would be considered a safe age group, and while the age thing does make me a little nervous i dont want to not give him a chance, am i wrong for thinking this?
     
  5. KTWK

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    Everyone's opinion on age difference is different. Some people think that anything more than a few years is too much, while others say that age is completely irrelevant to love. I'm also 16 and with someone about 6 years older than me, and that's about as far as I'll go right now. But to be honest, it's all about you. Take others' opinions on it as a grain of salt, and go with what you feel comfortable with.

    If you're not sure how you feel about it, it can't really hurt to meet him once or twice and see how you feel then. If you find the age gap bothering you then there's no reason to stay, but if you like him and don't mind, then there's no reason to leave.
     
  6. Dublin Boy

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    Age is but a number between to consenting adults :slight_smile:
     
  7. Lewnatic

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    I fooled around with a guy who was 31 when I was 19. And he was lovely, he was really considerate and kept stopping to ask if I was okay. Age really is nothing but a number some times, but do exercise caution. 16 can be quite young for a 20 year old because your hormones and emotions are still quite all over the place at that age.
     
  8. josh9623

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    ok well if we do end up hitting it off what is the gay dating etiquette (who pays, what to do at the end, etc.)?
     
  9. BudderMC

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    You sound really uneasy about this whole idea.

    If you don't want to do it, why are you in such a rush to date someone, regardless of age?

    Just because he's gay doesn't mean you should date him, even if your mother says so. Dating someone because they are actually capable of being attracted to you back is called "dating for opportunity". And if you're not that interested in the whole thing, it'll be uncomfortable for you and unfair to him.

    He's a 20 year old gay guy. He'll have no trouble finding someone else if he wants to go looking. And you're 16 - you have tons of time ahead of you to date when you're ready. So if you aren't comfortable, please don't do something you'll regret.

    The OP isn't an adult. And depending on the laws in his area, age is the number that determines whether or not the "adult" goes to jail for something like statutory rape.
     
  10. 341

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    Forget age, it's just a number. I take it from your last comment that you're worried about the age gap, because of what your parents would think? Your life, not theirs.

    I've done a bit of research in where you live. A minor (16/17) can have sex with somebody up to the age of 23 as a legal exception.
     
  11. mwaffles

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    Uh... I guess it might depend. I mean, I've talked to a girl that is 13, I just talked to her, and she is extremely mature, and I've talked to girls that are my age that I would never be interested in because they are not mature enough. It's a huge difference in some occasions, but in others, not that much. You should just wanna talk to him and you'll see if you guys will like each other. I think that's really all that matter.
     
  12. Tiny Catastrophe

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    Well my big sister had a limit that she would only date someone at most 5 years older than her but that was when she was 17 (the legal age of consent here) and for me I won't do more than a 3 year age difference is what my girlfriend and I are (me being the older one). So I can't really say whether you should or shouldn't because my girlfriend and I have a bit of an age gap but it sometimes is a set back in that my maturity level is a bit higher than hers and that I can pretty much do what I want when I want and she still has a curfew and can't go out whenever she wants. Also it depends on the people involved.

    You seem unsure about this so I would suggest not doing it if you're unsure.
     
  13. You're probably a sophomore in high school, and he's probably a sophomore in college. Those are completely different mindsets, but hey, you never know, it could work.
     
  14. All Star

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    Age is but a number. Love is love, and if you are both ready/mature, then go for it.
     
  15. Just Jess

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    I think you're worth more than someone you've never met that probably doesn't have much in common with you anymore and is just looking for fun. Be picky and have some standards.
     
  16. BudderMC

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    By that logic, this thread wouldn't exist, as OP wouldn't be in the situation where he's being set up by his mother with another guy.
     
  17. josh9623

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    the age part mostly bothers me because i think my parents will have a problem with it but as far as meeting him and getting into a relationship if we hit it off then i guess i'll see how it goes and if we dont then obviously nothing will come of it, but my friend really wants us to meet each other, she thinks we'll like each other and she made it sound like he's interested based on what she told him about me, and im interested based on what she told me about him, so if it werent for my parents i dont think there would be a problem, but i really dont know how my parents would handle me dating any guy much less an older guy, even if it is only a few years.
     
  18. 341

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    Where does he say it's his mother? I read 'friend'.
     
  19. Meropspusillus

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    I want to add to this. First off: age isn't just a number. Age is important. When I think of myself at 16 and myself at 20 the difference is huge. Gigantinormous. I don't know that much about your situation or you, but there is an incredible difference between someone two years into high school and someone two years into college. You're at very different stages of your life.

    Be cautious about this, it may be legal, and it may be worth pursuing, but it's also worth carefully thinking about the differences in your ages and how it might effect any relationship that you may have with this guy. As has been said before, if you don't feel comfortable with the age difference then it probably is a bad idea.
     
  20. Rexmond

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    I'm attracted to guys twice my age to four times my age, sooner or later I'll have to get use to the idea of dating men way past my age. There's no 'safe' age group for me to experiment with.