Hi all, I am new to this site & not very good at these type of things :icon_bigg I have known for some years now that I have been attracted to other guys, but I have remained in the closet, I was brought up in a straight environment, which was easy to do as I am straight acting, I had girlfriends, got married & had a child, divorced & now live a single life. I work in an office where there are more women than men, I never look at women in a sexual way, but when I see an attractive guy, I always check him out:icon_bigg I told some work colleagues that I was gay on a works night out after a few drinks, I have since told them that I now think I am bi, this has now changed again & I now think I must be gay, as I never check women out & I keep checking this guy out at work who is really hot is it because I lived a life of a straight guy for so long, that this is causing me so much confusion?
Hey there, and welcome to the site! If you're asking whether acting straight for so long is tricking you into feeling like you might be bi instead of gay, then I suppose the only answer I can give is: it's possible. I would put it a different way - the necessity of acting straight all your life has kept you from exploring your sexuality on your own terms, whether you be gay, bi, or something else. What you're describing at the moment, here in this post (checking out exclusively guys, not thinking about women at all) sounds like a more or less gay orientation. What leads you to suspect that you might be bi?
I don't know, maybe I felt scared when I came out of the closet & by saying I was Bi, I was sort of climbing back into the closet, knowing that I could not say to the friends I think i'm actually straight after revealing to them that I am not, if that makes any sense, I hear gay guys saying they would never sleep with a woman, because I had to pretend to be Straight I have had to & it's not something I hated, but I have never been in love with a woman, I have never seen a woman in the street & thought I fancy her, but I have with a guy
Well I would start with that - you seem pretty unambiguous about your feelings being directed towards men at the moment, so that seems like a safe assumption. "I didn't hate it" doesn't sound like a ringing endorsement of your experiences of sex with women. Perhaps there will come a time when you realize you do enjoy it, but maybe your past history of pretending to be straight just makes that kind of sex too awkward for you now. In either case, try to start by giving yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you feel. Take some time away from announcing your orientation to figure out a little bit more about how you feel. In the meantime, if you're checking out exclusively men, then check out men and enjoy yourself. If you find your attention going towards women too, and enjoying checking them out, then, again, enjoy yourself. You deserve some time to let yourself figure this out, especially after keeping your feelings for men hidden for several years.
I was married to a woman for 9 years and we had two kids. I didn't enter the relationship knowing I was gay. I assumed I was straight - because it really didn't occur to me that I mighit not be. (Despite some pretty obvious signs...) And I had sex with her - and enjoyed it. I didn't find it offensive at all. But I only found out later that it wasn't nearly as great as sex with another man. And then when I fell in love with a man, I realized that I wasn't in love with my wife to nearly the extent that I could be with a man. So I came out as gay in my mid 30s. I'm not bi. I'm definitely gay. Women do not turn my head at all, but guys do all the time. A hot guy at the beach is a million times sexier to me than a hot woman in a bikini. It sounds like you're in that place too. And yes - it makes for some awkward conversations with coworkers or family. But once you've had the conversation, it's over, and you can carry on living your life the way it was intended to be lived. Gay. Good luck!
Thanks Jim, I think if I am honest with myself, I have known I am Gay for a long time, just couldn't admit it to myself. When I was 19 I hooked up with a guy I met through a contact mag, he was older than me, he took me back to his, nothing happened apart from his hand on my chest, I was too scared & under age at the time, but it nearly did. I have come close on a number of occasions over the years, 1st base, 2nd base & 3rd base but never a home run, I have ended up going to gay bars on my own many times, I seem to have a lot of homophobic people in my life & a couple of gay friends at work, coming out seems such a daunting prospect.
