I need someone...

*hug*
I am sorry to hear that.
I don't know much about Kentucky, but meeting the right person would take some time. There are people who have hook ups and short dates (obviously not me), and dating may or may not work out as well as take trials and errors.

I really don't know much to say, really. I am inexperienced, in closet.

Also, this site has this external site policy for security reasons, maybe that's why you haven't seen people trying to look for special people here.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. I really am.
I know the feeling of just not being in touch with the LGBT community, or any community really.
I know how it feels to be so alone as well, if that's any consolation.
I've waited so long for someone-anyone.
It hurts, I know this.
But maybe we just need to wait a bit more?
Just please know that you're not truly alone.. There will always be someone who cares about you. It may even just be one person - even if it's just someone online.
If you need to vent anything - at all - you can always shoot me a message.
I just know how feeling so alone can really hurt. Just stay strong, because there's always people that care.

 

Trust me - coming out is so walk in the part either. It doesn't really change, so don't feel like it's some grand thing to look forward to. It is nice to be open and people will be more open with you- but I thought it would change my relationship status. Years later, it hasn't done anything.

You, however, are NOT alone. Besides being in such a place as you are, I really am in the same situation. My best advice is that you just have to hold on to who you are, value yourself and then you have to just wait. In terms of this site and the internet in general - I've actually thought it was different. I get so jealous, and I see a lot of people say "ohh, my boyfriend did this... etc." It's like, has anyone ever had to do what we've done?

I really used to think that guys would come up to me. WRONG. Seriously - it's not the world we expect. Either you have to make a move (and risk getting really hurt) or you just have to wait. Be strong. It will pay off.

Seriously - you are ok! It's just.....our lives right now. I wish I could tell you something sure fire to do.

Also... the alcohol. Please be careful.

 

There are men who do not find that someone special until their late 30s or late 40s even. Some guys can have some amazing sex partners over their life, yet never do meet up with that one mate that they desire.

So you have to take care of yourself. Because if you look like damaged goods, and are full of the blues, no one will want you other than for quicky sex.

Try and become the type you want in a mate. Do you want brains, brawn, nerdy, bear, of what? Figure out what you want and go for it.

You sound too young to really be ready for a relationship, imo.

 

(*hug*)

Yeah pal you're so young. 16, wow I don't even remember what 16 was like... well actually I remember it sucked, like a supermassive blackhole

You know what I have learned in life. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone.

Plus if you enter a relationship while your in this mental state you run the risk entering an abusive relationship. Something like that happened to me in college.

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. But they do get better. Trust!

Sending my best wishes.

 

Monty

Hang in there - don't give up before the miracle occurs

Rely on your friends and family - sometime the right person will arrive

 

Hi Monty

You are sounding trapped. Take it from an older one who has been in a similar position..... looking back my biggest mistake was isolating myself and not mixing with LGBT people enough, or early enough.

That may be difficult for you where you are .. or it may make you uncomfortable ...

But you do not have to go to dedicated LGBT groups - just wider social groups, hobbies, activities where your circle of (mixed) friends will expand. Within that larger circle will pop along some nice LGBT people you would otherwise not meet

Also if you have access to a counsellor - I would definitely have a few chats with him/her

Ultimately you may want to move to a bigger city and a new life, but if you are staying put in Kentucky, for now at least, you need to make some changes or you will risk remaining miserable

... and you deserve to be happy!!

 

Hey there, I understand how you feel a bit. When I was 15/16, I was so far in the closet that I couldn't even see the door. I wanted support, and I needed it.. but my school had no gay clubs or resources. The only people who knew about my sexuality were my closest friends, but I still felt alone after I came out to them. I had nobody I could speak with about my sexuality and problems that came with it...

I don't know about Kentucky, I'm not American, I couldn't even point it out on a map or state one fact about it but I'm assuming it's pretty unfriendly based on what I've seen/heard from users here and on other sites. I'm sorry about that, maybe when you have the chance.. you could move to a different, much more accepting state for college?

Have you thought of speaking to a counsellor, or perhaps a therapist? Because they can help, quite a lot. And they can help organize some LGBT-friendly things for you such as groups. Or you can start going to things locally, just to meet new people. You never know if you might meet another gay teen here or there, and you won't feel as alone regardless.

And the alcohol deal, maybe try to find a healthier way to let go/vent, rather than hurt your body? I used to drink a lot too, and I still do sometimes, but not because I'm upset or wanting to get drunk so I can forget about things. Find a better avenue to take and use it. That could anything from writing music to taking a kickboxing class to writing/blogging on the internet.

I wish you the best, and it can happen.

 

lol, people here mistaken POSTS as AGE sometimes :roflmao: :eusa_clap :badgrin: :eusa_naug

 

Dear Monty93,

I wish I can use a magic wand on you and prince charming is suddenly on your side but unfortunately, you just got to SMELL THE COFFEE AND MOVE ON.

Being 19 and still in the closet, you should concentrate more on other aspects in life. In time you will be integrating with the LGBT community but as of now you need to settle on those grades. Please bear in mind that some people will find that special someone tomorrow while others try hard and never did in their lifetime.

But don't be stressed about this right now. (I wish I could turn back time to be 19 again but that is another story, sorry for digressing LOL!)

When it comes to feelings and relationships put it in the back-burner. The time is just not right for you right now and there are no apparent opportunities but just keep believing that one day it will come and this trapped feeling is temporary.

Be stressed about other material aspects first. In this forever crazy economic situation, work hard for the potentials bills to pay, when can you afford to live by yourself, career; what do you want to do for a salary.

The best time for finding a relationship is when you've got a solid career, preferably staying by yourself and a FICO score close to 800! Trust me, with such confidence built up, relationships will ALWAYS come naturally and might even be on demand LOL!

Bottomline : The World has gone Materialistic. Prepare for that FIRST and the rest will follow. (!)

 

My bad Monty!

Well 19, at your age I had no friends and denied the fact that I was gay lol

So I would say you're making some progress!

I'm with everyone else, for now focus on them grades. Get those neurons firing and the smoke is bound to attract someone...

 

I don't want to really stir the pot....but I think that things like "ohh, just focus on the grades" or "ohh, you're young" are kind of what someone like Monty doesn't want to hear... unless I'm just that negative.
It's really hard for people like us to hear that - I personally have heard it for YEARS.
How does someone, practically speaking, deal with "the gay roommate" or all the couples?

 

Hi Monty,

Regarding your roommate - are you out to him? Could you ask him about how he met all these guys? Or are things with him such that this would risk your own situation?

Are there ever gatherings or parties at the homes of people off-campus that you could take part in? I realize that with the prevalence of camera phones there could be potential issues with you showing up on facebook unexpectedly, but there might be options here depending on the type of gathering.

What about the larger LGBT community off-campus? Does such exist and could you become involved with it if it does? Not the local Pride or whatever that would out you, but just members of the local community you could make friends with and be able to talk to, maybe go out to dinner with or whatever. Not thinking in terms of you finding necessarily finding a relationship this way, to be honest, but it might at least expand your circle of friends (and off-campus/non-students might be less likely to be snapping photos of everything) and give you more people to talk to and be yourself with.

Sorry I don't have any better ideas than the above:/ Will let this percolate in the back of my brain and see if something better surfaces.

Take care,

Todd

 

Hmm. I'm not sure what your age and education situation necessarily have to do with your desire to have someone special in your life or to have a more open life to be yourself. Unless we're talking in terms of a near term investment of time and/or 'intestinal fortitude' for the promise of a larger 'payoff' in the future. For example, if getting through college will put you in a situation where you could readily move to a *much* more accepting environment with a *much* larger gay population (with associated much larger friendship/relationship prospects), then I could sort of see going that road. I know it's hard, but toughing out the 2-3 years to finish your education in such a situation might be worth the effort (and 2-3yrs actually isn't that long of a period, especially if you are keeping busy and have a goal you can see yourself progressing toward). Obviously I don't know your complete situation so the above is just a hypothetical at this point.

Outside of something like the above, I really can't fault you for wanting to be able to be open about yourself and find someone special in your life. I will warn you that the old saying about having to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince is pretty much true. For pretty much everyone, gay, straight, or anything else. I've known plenty of straight people who agonized about finding someone just as much as anything I've seen since joining EC. Not the happiest thought perhaps, but best to approach these things eyes open IMHO.

A major factor here seems to be the situation with your parents, specifically your financial partial dependency on them. Are there any options for you to change that equation? For example, could you get a part-time job or work summers and save up money or somesuch so that you could change that dynamic?

Todd