I'm tired of spending Friday night alone, or hanging out with my best friend and his girlfriend. I love them and all, but the interaction is unfulfilling for my every weekend activity. My first go-to thought of how to meet guys is going to a gay bar. I don't drink, I'm not looking for a hookup, and I really hate crowded, loud areas. So, I was thinking I'd go to an evening yoga class downtown to put myself out there. I'm not expecting to meet someone, but I will be increasing my chances of meeting someone by going, as opposed to watching Netflix at home with a straight couple. They're supportive and care for me, but I might as well be hanging out with my parents. I also don't want them to go with me. Hopefully, they'll understand this without need for explanation. I feel like they'd hinder me by making me self conscious. I was wondering if anyone has had luck finding friends (needing gay friends) at yoga? If not, what other non-alcohol centered activities have you had luck meeting people? I'm not talking about gyms. I've read plenty of "missed connections", and 80% of them are closeted men who hook up at gyms (I say this bc they always reassure the fact that they're "straight acting", "discrete", etc.). Sorry if that's offensive. I read them bc I think they're funny, and a small part of me wishes to read one about myself as an ego boost :/
There was a thread where someone mentioned going to a lgbt board-game event. Maybe you can look up local lgbt events that suit your interests? Or host your own?
Hmm. As Minx mentions, LGBT game playing or other groups are a good option. You might check if there is a community center in your area that hosts different events. Also try to find an 'alternative' paper (The ones that always list out every possible entertainment and culture event every weekend from concerts to farmer's markets) and see if they list anything happening. If there's an 'artsy' part of town in your area that has a reputation for being gay friendly maybe go there and try to locate posters or pamphlets pertaining to social activities in the area. Your local Pride event(s) may be an option, not only to go to but to volunteer to help put together. Volunteering in various socially conscious ways may be an option as well (someones got to help run that community center if you have one). The Meetup website might also be an option. They host all sorts of different groups including LGBT ones of various sorts from hiking to biking to just getting together for various social events, either singles or couples. A lot of major cities are home to LGBT or LGBT friendly flag football or rugby teams. Some cities even do ice hockey. Finally, if you are of a spiritual frame of mind, some churches/denominations are known to be gay friendly. The Episcopalians and Methodists and Unitarians come to mind, but you'd be best served with a bit of googling, both to ID specific denominations and to get a read on the local congregation. Such groups may also host social events for their members that you could attend/help with. Hope this helps, Todd
If you're into anything nerdy, local comic book shops tend to have social events such as weekly tabletop gaming. Conventions are also a great place to bump into people with similar interests and make friends. This might be a slightly awkward suggestion, but I also strongly believe in the power of long lines. If there's a concert or theater performance you're interested in catching, don't be afraid to go alone. If the mood seems right, sometimes it's fun to chat up someone in line. It's not a guarantee, but if you go because you want to enjoy the show, no loss, right? Even if you don't meet a potential partner, remember that people have friends, and making friends with them gives you access to their friends, and so on...
Thanks all for the great suggestions. I really am looking for friends first, and if somethings comes of it, then great. I have gay acquaintances that I'm fb friends with, but none of them am I good friends with. I also met them under other pretenses and feel awk trying to ask them to hang out bc I'm now coming out. I want to pave my own path with new friends, if that makes sense. I've read my local lgbt events page, and funny enough, farmer's market is on there. There are a lot of events advertised at bars, and other various things. At what point will I feel comfortable going to a pride event? Still sorta getting comfortable with myself; although, I need to throw myself out there every once in a while and make myself uncomfortable to get it over with. Once I see that there is no real threat, I'll learn more about who I am, I think. Another problem I'm having is, I feel like I'm using these events to meet people and network, and not necessarily going for the actual purpose of the event. It makes me feel like a creeper. For example, there was a PFLAG event this week that I didn't go to because I didn't want to feel like a phony.. does that make sense? I don't know if that's right to feel that way. I wasn't actually going to talk to family members, get heavily involved, etc. I just wanted to go to be social.. I don't want to be a Tyler Durden or a Marla Singer
As far as going to pride events, I don't think there's a specific predictable point where you just get comfortable. I know I don't like going places by myself anyway so end up not going to the pride event here because my partner is usually working out of state at that time of year. One option (although this may be a bit of a chicken/egg thing depending on your situation) is to go with a group so you have a bit more feeling of security. Then again, helping to put it together lets you be there and also support a good cause. As far as going to events just to network - what sort of things do you actually like to do? Of all the options that might be there, what seems most likely to be fun to you, even if there was no networking involved or you had no interest in that? Note that some people treat *every* social event as a networking opportunity for one thing or another. Networking in this sense meaning 'it's good to get to know people because you never know when that connection could be useful'. Perhaps start with something where you have the most chance of having fun or doing something you feel is meaningful and treat the networking opportunity as a bonus. Hint: A lot of people go to events with the idea of networking or meeting people socially. If humans didn't do that no one would make an effort to make events fun or 'social' in the first place. They'd just be more like a college class or business training seminar than a dinner party or carnival or whathaveyou Todd
In my life I seem to meet guys in public places like antique stores, Starbucks, Church, friends of friends, and souch. One really good partner I had, John who gave me one of the happiest 2.5 years of my life was my best friends good friend. He had secretly been in love with me for years when he had my best friend ask me out for him. I was shocked due to he had never spoken to me and he always had a girl. We would still be together if he had not passed away back when I was 24. FYI I am 40 now. I got another great man in my life who is my last ex'es cousin. He has turned out to be something real special. Again I was shocked when he came on to me, we had been around eachother for 3 years prior. That happened 2 years ago so we had a 5 week fling at the time. Then I got a shocking letter from him yesterday on Valentines day that he loves me and wants me still. They both watched me for years, wanting me, and me not knowing! So you may have one around you that you are overlooking or just not catching the hints from. Just a thought, June
Someone said farmers market, and I thought twice about this after seeing it on an lgbt events page. It doesn't specifically say anything pertaining to lgbt, so I kinda wondered why it'd be on there. It's Friday night, and I feel like pushing my comfort boundaries a little by forcing myself to get out there, be available. I'm definitely not meeting any guys sitting on my couch, typing on my phone with my dog in my lap.
It could be your local paper just groups anything that isn't readily classified elsewhere in the same section as lgbt events. Or maybe some part of the lgbt community is active there because it's an accepting environment. A lot of socially conscious groups or businesses tend to collect together when given a chance and are often more accepting of lgbt people. If you see something that looks interesting talk to them about volunteering. I'd say go for it. Worst case scenario: you don't meet someone but get to buy some nice organic and locally grown veggies or something. Best case: you get to meet somebody hot who's into trying to make the world a better place. Todd
Yup.. I know that feeling. Its the point you realise you gotta start stepping out in to uncharted waters... enjoy the adventure.
