Help please

The thing about human nature is that it is extremely complicated. No two people are the same. You can't define human nature or put people into sub groups, because people are, thankfully, unique.

And with that, comes the simple fact that sexuality is itself very complicated. Trust me: there is definitely no such thing as three sub-groups of sexuality, straight, bisexual or gay. That definitely doesn't wash. They are useful labels for a lot of people, but that's about as much as it comes to.

I don't know if you've read about Alfred Kinsey, a famous biologist and sexual behaviourist who pioneered research into sexuality. Anyway, his conclusion was that sexuality is, yes, very complicated. But he simplified it into a scale from 0–6, where people could place themselves on a scale that varied depending on the level of attraction you feel for men and women. But I stress the "simplified" part, because it is simplified. A scale from 0–6 still is way too simple to clung everyone together into.

And there's another thing about sexuality: it is certainly fluid, within limits. While I find it convenient to call myself gay, I definitely have an attraction to women, and on some days, it can be quite a strong attraction. I often tell people that if a very hot women came in, that I'd have sex with her, and this is always there. On those certain days, I can find someone attractive or imagine sleeping with them, and on other days I find the same idea kind-of disgusting.

If at best, you can describe yourself as a bisexual man, then that's good. It doesn't mean that your attractions to men and woman are split equally down the middle — a dead-on fifty-fifty, but more that this is the category you most identify with.

Other than that, while I can understand your confusion, I'd be eager for you to realise that once you get your head around the concept of a bit of fluidity and the nature of sexuality, there's not a whole lot to be confused about. You just have to get used to the idea that some days you feel one way, and other days you feel another way.

What I would think though is this: that you will find the "constants". As in, you'll figure out the types of attraction that always seem to be present and you'll definitely be able to work with that. And it will definitely settle down with time.

 

Don't worry, even though I spent a lot of time on my post, I'm not the kind of person to get insulted if it turns out that it wasn't the kind of response you were looking for.

I don't think the lack of response is anything to do with you being a new member. Maybe everyone else thought I had covered what they would have said, or something like that.

What were you hoping other people would say? Not to take away from what you're going through, but maybe it would be a comfort to know that there are a lot of people going through the exact same thing you describe. Click back a few pages and you'll find similar posts.

Oh, and one thing that did not help your cause: "help please" is not exactly a descriptive title. This is the support and advice forum; everyone is looking for help! Next time, try actually describing what you're going through and you'll definitely attract more people willing to respond. You could even private message a moderator and ask them to change the title of this post for you to something a little better.