Is it possible to get "gayer" over time?

I think that is definitely also what has happened to me. I only used to have passing feelings towards women but now I just left my long term bf even though I love him, because although I still 'check out' guys, I no longer want any relationship with them beyond friendship.

 

If you aren't sure what to label yourself you could maybe just coming out as being attracted to girls and let people assume whatever label they do, and if people ask, you could maybe try to explain the Kinsey scale to them and tell them where you think you fall. That's sort of what I did. Some people assume bisexual since they know I've been with men, others assume I am gay and the guys were covers, and others ask and try to understand. I've found the ones I care most about tend to be the ones who ask questions and try to understand rather than assuming.

 

Here's a thought, as I think it applies to me...

The older I get, the less I am able to repress what has always been there, so the "gayness" is the same throughout, but my defenses against the truth have broken down...

Does that ring true for you?

 

as stated above. you could just say your attracted to girls and have them label whatever they want.

what i did ...was say "im not straight but right now im leaning towards girls".

when my friend alex said "are you lesbian?" , thats what i said

i wouldn't be lying....and i wouldn't be wrong. i had this fear of coming out and then being wrong but that way , i wouldn't have to worry because i had to acknowledge i wasn't straight and as of right now , i am leaning towards girls

 

I can only say that after deciding to come out this past Monday, and to call myself gay, a real and acknowledged "label" I have discovered benefits beyond what I could have expected.

I don't think it would have been the same if I kept it ambiguous or "unlabeled", the most significant thing is that it has given permission to a whole set of thoughts that themselves would never have appeared if I did not make a clean clear-cut decision (while fully aknowledging also that there is no such thing as a definitive, good for all time decision, but it is "good enough" for the foreseeable future)

 

I don't think this a case of becoming gayer. It is a case of discovering yourself more fully. It has to do with your acceptance level about being gay. The more you lean toward the same sex the less desirable the opposite becomes. Hugs

---------- Post added 16th Feb 2013 at 08:29 AM ----------

Coming out can be the best thing a person does. It establishes that you are on a path and you fully accept yourself and who you are. The hetero world has no more power over you and you have set yourself free. This is wonderful congrats. Hugs

 

For me it came down to: "what's the alternative?"

I thought for a while that my marriage failed because she wasn't the "right" woman, turns out I am not the "right" man for a woman, and I did not want to inflict myself on someone else who would be willing to give me her deepest love and commitment.

So I basically became a little scared of what I was capable of, and I decided to take a moral stand, for once, and follow the logical consequences...

 

Perhaps you are approaching a new stage of self acceptance? *Some* people who first realise that they are gay sometimes prefer to label themselves as bi, to make it easier for themselves (I actually done this myself).

Or maybe it's just that being bi has different scales, like at one point you'd be more attracted to guys than girls, or vice versa. If you find yourself regularly confused or questioning then it doesn't make it any easier.

 

You said earlier that the repercussions are scary, and you're also acknowledging the end of your "straight side"

I can tell you after 20 years of denial that the repercussions of THAT are far scarier!

As for mourning the straight side...is there anything to mourn? The ego plays tricks on us here all the time, it tells us all we have to do to be "normal" including inventing a straight side...

 

Why are you so stressed about a label? You are who you are. People change all the time. Changing is good. It means evolution. As years go by you are just approaching yourself. Do not put limits about when you are going to come out, just come out when you feel like coming out and forget about labels. Would the label of a girl being < straight> stop you from being in love with her?

 

It is. It's more a development in sexuality and personality i think. I was with a few females when i was younger and each time i felt like there was something missing. I had also been with a few guys as a teenager and it always seemed right but at the same time left me very confused. The only interest i ever had in females was down to curiosity. When i was 17 i felt for sure that i was gay and i had become incapable of being with a female.

 

uhm no i disagree. by accepting yourself you were probably able to allow yourself to indulge in your attractions without thinking much of it. imo at least.

 

I definitely mourn the straight life. I don't think I'll ever not miss. I miss the comraderie of the girls. Most of my friends are straight females. Its hard to make lesbian or bisexual friends when the only thing we have in common is our attraction to women. My female friends (that are straight) are my friends because we have similar roots, interests and upbringing. It seems weird saying they are my friends that are straight. They are simply my friends. I wasn't living a lie or denying my attractions for women. I first became attracted to a woman during graduate school as an adult.

 

It is possible to become "gayer" over time. I'm still not sure how common sexual fluidity is. It may only affect a minority of people. During puberty for me at least was the only time in my life that I felt majorly confused. It became clearer afterwards. I can't wrap my head around the idea of being straight again or even bi. Who knows though