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what would you do if you fell for a guy? (as a lesbian)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Crystine, Feb 16, 2013.

  1. Crystine

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    So, I've finally decided on coming out but there is still one question I have to get off my chest:
    What should I do if I fall for a guy ever again?

    Until I was 14 I've never ever questioned my sexual orientation; I crushed on boys, they crushed on me, everything was perfect. A few months before my 15th birthday my friends and I had a few drinks and I kissed several girls... since then I've gotten drunk on purpose a lot to have an excuse for making out with girls... but that's not really the issue here.

    Age 14-16 I thought I was bi; Then I had a boyfriend but I broke up with him a week before my 17th birthday. I haven't "liked" a boy since and even before, in my bi-curious phase, I preferred women over men. However, I'm terrified of coming out of the closet and then falling for a guy... What should I do then?

    I honestly believe that I'd just repress the feelings. Wah, this is so stupid... I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian but I'm really afraid of falling for a guy again.

    What would you do if you fell for the opposite sex "again"?

    (PS: please just answer if you know what I'm talking about...)
     
  2. Femme

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    I know exactly what you are talking about! This is one of the reasons that I continue to have issues with identification. I did love a man once and if I were still single, I would be open to loving another if it happened. I am not single or looking.

    I live with my girlfriend and I have no reason to think we will break up. While nothing is perfect, we are happy and have been together since 2005. I have wondered what would happen if I came out as lesbian and then we broke up and I dated some guy. This is why I haven't "come out" as anything. I just state that I have a girlfriend and let people draw their own conclusions. If I am pressed for a label, I say bisexual or I say I guess I'm queer. I have no idea what I am, I just know I'm not straight.

    Good luck!
     
  3. MerBear

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    i definitely know what your talking about. its one of the reasons , i refuse to say "im lesbian" to family and friends....

    i only came out to 2 friends saying im not straight and leaning towards girls right now

    i dont know when this fear will go away

    the last time , i liked a guy was when i was 14

    i dont know what i would do...actually , i'd probably question my sexuality all over again and say im straight (basically going into denial all over Again)
     
  4. mwaffles

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    I'd probably freak out, since I've never fallen for boys (thinking about it just now... WOW!). But, anyways... he would be a pretty special guy hahaha. I don't know if I would give him a chance... uh... IDK, it's just awkward.
     
  5. myheartincheck

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    It'd be awesome! I'd finally have a chance at a "normal" life!!!

    Screw what others would think. Besides, it wouldn't mean I stopped being attracted to girls...
     
  6. Hot Pink

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    Speaking as a lesbian who was attracted to a guy last year, follow your heart. If you like him, give it a shot. Don't let outside forces try to dictate who you can or can't date. Obviously in my case, things didn't work out. Despite being attracted to him, I was still overwhelmingly gay. A fact that he noticed and was too self-conscious of. I guess he didn't like how his potential girlfriend kept checking out other girls. Oh, well.
     
  7. TestingitOut

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    Not a lesbian, but to put in my two cents (which aint worth shit these days i know) I dont think its something to really worry about unless youre in a committed relationship. Cheating is cheating no matter who or what you cheat with. But i dont think theres a wall that separates gay from straight or even gay from bisexual. I personally dont think of myself as a gay man above everything else, i mean im a human first, a son, a brother, a friend, all kinds of stuff. It seems silly to me to worry about who you fall in love with, as long as youre falling for someone whose going to love you back, right?

    I also think attraction is different from sexuality. Ive found myself checking out girls and stuff, and even if I were to have sex with a woman, or fall in love with one, im not sure if that would make me straight, or even bisexual, if i was still mostly desiring to be with a man.

    I dont know, do you think its different for lesbians? I know people question if lesbians are really lesbians more than people question if gay men are really gay.... maybe its some of that social pressure to prove that you really are a lesbian? Just curious
     
  8. OMGWTFBBQ

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    l think you should give yourself time.

    l've even heard stories of gay males here having wild swings in attraction during adolescence and this is supposedly less common in men.

    Which l mostly agree with but it goes to show you what's possible.

    l do think it levels off at a certain age and that any major shifts that happen later in life may be more hormonally related, but that doesn't mean the way a person's brain is wired has changed.

    So for women who do have a more fluid sexuality, l am usually on the side of thinking they were either repressing or just not aware of a potential attraction they could have had to men in the first place and are simply bisexuals.

    But again, anything is possible. l wouldn't repress the feelings if it did happen to me. l don't feel l have a reason to identify as a lesbian for any reasons not related to my attractions.

    l suspect it happens to some women and they may feel embarrassed, same with men. l can understand that.

    l guess the way l avoid it is by not trying to validate myself through the label in the first place.

    l'm certainly not going to stay ''loyal" to it if not longer describes me, l just don't view my orientation that way.

    adding: l think the attractions you have before coming out to yourself are often fueled by wishful thinking anyway, even when they can seem authentic. My philosophy was to pretty much go along with whatever l felt while l considered myself bisexual.

    l did "know" l was truly gay but it was an experimental time that l was okay with privately acknowledging was experimental.

    l don't think there;s any thing wrong with doing that but after l did the real work toward self acceptance of being gay, the wishful thinking "crushing" on men pretty much ceased all together.
     
    #8 OMGWTFBBQ, Feb 16, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 16, 2013
  9. Reptillian

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    Go with the flow of feelings. Even if you like guys in a certain way, doesn't mean you're not a lesbian. Actually, there are stories of straight men who enjoys the same sex, stories of gay/lesbian who enjoys the opposite sex in a certain way, and even stories of asexuals enjoying sex.