Homophobia in Sports

No, I can't say I've ever faced this problem. I normally advise people to come out, but in your case it certainly sounds like a bad idea and totally disadvantageous.

Yeah, life would be a thousand times easier for you if this barrier was going to be broken. But unfortunately, I doubt you're going to break the glass ceiling yourself, and it sounds like you're definitely going be experience a lot of negative consequences by coming out and you won't have achieved much.

I think you definitely could probably get over the team mates thing. I go to a big rugby school here in Ireland, and there are openly gay members of the most senior rugby team, and people shower naked and stuff and there don't seem to be any issues. People do realise that just because they have a vagina it doesn't mean that you automatically want to have sex with them.

But the coaches and stuff is a big deal, especially if you're serious about being selected for division one schools or whatever you want to be.

Do you think maybe you could wait until you prove yourself and then come out? Because if you come out now, you probably won't get the chance to prove yourself if what you're saying is true.

 

I'll agree with TM, it doesn't sound like a good idea to come out if it'll largely affect your future.

But let me play Devil's Advocate for a second here. Think of it this way: if you're getting picked for a team, you should be getting picked for your skill. If a coach were to not pick you or a team were to not play with you because they knew you were gay, are they really worth playing for? Sounds like a bunch of jerks to me. And I'm sure there's a little more to team sports than just playing by yourself. Isn't that worth taking into consideration?

Of course, there's the possibility that you get involved with a good team/good coach and you feel comfortable coming out later. And that's great. But the question then becomes: is it worth waiting closeted (and potentially miserable, depending on how you feel about it) for the next few years just to have a chance of getting into more pro level sports, and then after that hoping for the chance to feel comfortable coming out?

Since I've come out, I can only now truly realize just how miserable I was being closeted. And it was easy for me to forego most of those negative feelings during that time because I just pushed them all to the side. Doesn't make it any more bearable, though.

But again, I'm nowhere near involved with professional sports, so I can only speculate at how much you feel is on the line.

 

The problem, and this is especially the case with college sports, is that some colleges have higher reputations among professional leagues relative to others. This reputation is advantageous to athletes who play at those schools. Sometimes players get drafted high by professional teams mostly because of the college they attended, regardless of talent (see: many Duke basketball players).

 

Oh, I understand that completely and get that it's really unfair. I guess the question I'm posing to the OP is whether or not that chance of making it big is worth the more likely probability that you'll be unhappy being closeted in the meantime.

For me it's a no-brainer, but I'm not involved in sports and I've already had a taste of being "out".

 

Fair enough.

 

I don't think that you should have to live a lie in order to accomplish your dreams. Granted being openly gay may eliminate some potential programs (like your Notre Dame's and other religious affiliated schools) but women’s sports have made huge strides in the acceptance of lesbian athletes. It may not be a good idea to come out right now, a major life change such as that could affect your level of play. During the recruiting process gauge the reactions of potential programs to you being gay. As well do some homework as to what programs have a history with lesbian athletes. You could also attempt to contact university athletes, who are openly gay, I'm sure many lesbian athletes would be more than willing to answer your questions and offer you advice. It won't be easy and it certainly will be scary, you will face adversity and homophobia, but you have to ask yourself "If I can't be myself to live my dreams, am I really living my dreams?"

 

I think there are some really excellent points here, especially about contacting lesbian athletes and doing your research.

I would like to counter the final quote there, though. Sometimes you have to wait a bit and archieve what you want to achieve before you can overcome the adversity. If you get to the place you want to be, then you can come out. Then you can make a difference. And then you can cause a change in the way people think at that level and help overcome the adversity for others.

But if you come out now and that affects your chances, you won't be able to achieve much or any of this.

You can achieve your dreams first, and then live them the way you want once you get there. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices like staying in the closet to get to where you want to be before you can live the life you want to live.

I don't think you should have to lie to accomplish your dreams. Of course this isn't the ideal scenario. But sometimes it's the necessary thing. It would be amazing if you didn't have to.