I knew there was a damn good chance I could never tell anyone that I'm trans. I just have to hide it and try to repress it as much as possible for my entire life. Not a big deal really, it's not like it's the only thing that ****ing sucks. I'll get used to it. Anyway...I was in my car with my best friend today. I came out to her as bisexual nearly a year ago and she was more accepting than I ever could've imagined. We were going to a burger king drive-thru and I remembered that last time I was there the guy (I'll say "he" because I think he just cross-dressed, not identified as female) was wearing makeup and had pink sparkly nails. I decided that would be a good opportunity to get an idea of her opinion on trans-related topics, so I mentioned it to her. Bad idea... Basically, she told me the story of when she went into a store and saw a trans woman, who she of course referred to as male. She was convinced the person was female until she heard her deep obviously biologically male voice. She apparently then freaked out a little bit and immediately went to go tell her sister, who apparently had a similar reaction...:tears: At some point I carefully mentioned how that doesn't really bother me at all and I don't care, and then she said "yeah I don't really care either, but..." Uhhh clearly she does. So I guess that's it. I was trying to inch my way out of the closet but now I know better. I'll probably be miserable my entire life but at least I'll be able to pretend people care about me and accept me, which is something that wouldn't happen if I was open about who I really am.
That's no way to live Nemo! I can't give you the best advice as I'm in the closet myself, but I can tell you that you should keep inching forward! You're going to meet resistance and people like your friend are going to make you feel like complete crap, but you are who you are! Don't give up! I know right now my words are probably meaningless to you, but don't give up.
well that's silly, why would you waste life like that? you can still be trans but enjoy everything life has to offer yknow. you can still be trans and not give half a crap about it and be an awesome whatever, y'know. there's more to life than identity.
There comes a time when you just have to be who you really are. You just cannot hide it anymore. I know that I hit this point before I came out. I used to say the same exact thing that you are saying now. My point: Never say that you're not going to do something. You might just end up doing it in the future. Situations change and people change.
Crappy reactions don't mean you're wrong; they the ones with ugly opinions need to f*** right off. "People who matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter." ~Dr. Seuss
Tricking myself into believing other people, these friends I've made, might actually care about me is the only reason I've fought through the depression for nearly 10 years. If they hate me and I lose them...why bother anymore?
I am a hypocrite...I have a hard time accepting a "guy" in a dress and makeup. My mind says that is wrong, error, not compute, something is odd here. At a recent LGBT event I found myself only staring at a transgirl. *sigh* My mom when I came out to her was pretty amazing about it. But she said trying to accept transwomen is much harder than her doctor who she is sure is like me. Basically if I were born male and transitioning to womanhood mom would have a much more difficult time. So lucky me? What I am saying is that just because her reaction was that way dont mean she will not accept and love you or hang out.
Well, it doesn't sound like your friend hates you. More like she's just not familiar with trans people. She said something stupid, but she can change. Do you think she could change if given the chance? Things don't always have to be so bleak.
If your friend cares about you (which it sounds like she does), knowing that you are trans may force her to confront why she feels the way she does about trans people. My guess is she doesn't know much about what it's like to be trans- how uncomfortable, stressful, lonely, and sad it can feel to be born with the wrong type of body. You don't have to come out right away, but don't give up on ever being able to ask others to care for you in the right way. Her response, "I don't really have a problem with it", shows that even if her gut reaction is that it's unusual or uncomfortable, she is mentally mature enough to accept that it is okay. She didn't say, "Those people gross me out" or "it's wrong"- she just isn't familiar with people breaking the gender binary. Try to keep having subtle conversations and see if you can't warm her up to the idea that all people deserve respect and the chance to be happy as themselves. If you do want to come out, or have a more direct conversation, I think this is a good resource to share with people who have no education or experience with transsexual/transgender persons: Answers to your Questions About Transgender People, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression You don't have to say, "I am trans", you can just advocate for human rights and decency. Sometimes just standing up for others can change people's opinions to be less biased and more fair.
I agree with thecat. At one point I couldn't take seeing what I was in the mirror anymore. Living life by going through the motions of a fake person is not living. And sacrificing yourself to make others happy will never make you truly happy. Never. I've tried pretending to the best of my ability to be a guy "for my families sake"; it doesn't work. Trying to convince yourself that living in your fake persona is a good thing is like trying to convince yourself that an abusive relationship is really love. My personal belief is that if a friend is so shallow that they would reject you over something as stupid as identifying as another gender then they were never your friend to begin with. Your core personality is the only thing that should matter to a friend, not your outside appearance. And not to sound like a martyr, but people are naturally freaked out more by a M2F then a F2M trans. Society has set a double standard in that a natural born women can dress in guy clothes and it's perfectly ok; but anytime a "guy" is seen wearing a dress it sets off the WTF panic sirens. Your friend having that knee-jerk reaction to her first trans M2F is pretty much a common response us girls get. Granted it was childish, but it is a natural response. People are just naturally afraid of the unknown. And we are a very big unknown thanks to the government and media giving a piss poor level of information about us to the masses. Coming out will probably cause some confusion, but I highly doubt they will outright hate you for it. I would just explain it to her like you did when you came out as bi. I'm almost positive you'll get acceptance. Good luck! ^_^
Remember she was reacting that way about a random person. If it was you, her friend, things would probably be different! If she's your friend she'll care about your feelings and try to see things from your point of view. It's very different to talking about someone you don't know.
