How can I date guys...? Problems with parents :(

I don't mean to be rude or insensitive, but you seriously need to learn to write clear and concise posts without excessive extraneous details. Your post is one giant ramble about a ton of different things.:help:

I would suggest you take things one step at a time. Try to work out issues with your parents before worrying about trying to get dates, if it is going to be an extreme challenge to make things work. It might help to stay mellow for a while so that you can get your driver's license and gain a bit of independence in your life, so that you can do things without your parents maintaining strict control over you.

Also, what sort of "disgusting things" can a person do with a tin whistle??

 

Re: Problems with Parents

you have two issues.
your parents acceptance and your 'need' for a boyfriend.

you dont need a boyfriend. needing is different to wanting. what do you need a boyfriend for? so you can say you have a boyfriend, to snoop around without your parents finding out? pretty sure that wouldnt be any fun. you should make up a friendship group before you go out looking for anymore boyfriends. a good support system is what you 'need' if anything. friends are more important than boyfriends. boyfriends will come and go but your friends will stay forever. try and find some groups after school maybe that take your interest, you might make some friends that way.

did you say one guy found out where you lived that you spoke to online? or did i read wrong. if so you have to be very careful about what info you give anyone of any kind online. many people are not who they say they are. youre only 16 and we have all been there, people might convince you they are one person but in reality they are totally different. you parents where right to get a little mad at you but in future you have to be very careful.

do you have a job? if not how would you pay for the upkeep of your car? you cant expect your parents to if you dont have a job. if you do have a job, tell them you have the money saved and show them your workings out for the upkeep of the car and they might change their mind if they see you have thought about how to keep a car running.

sorry your parents dont accept you, it will take them a long time. you parents still let you live in their house, they dont make you be 'straight'. not liking your sexuality is one thing, but they arent trying to make you be something you are not and despite their religious beliefs they still provide for you which is a good thing. they havent disowned you.

count your blessings. yes your parents might be strict but they still have provided you a roof over your head and havent kicked you out. sorry i dont mean to be harsh. when youre 18 (or is it 21 outside the uk idk) you can do as you please as youre an adult, but dont wish your life away.

just trying to help you see the positives (*hug*)

 

Re: Problems with Parents

I know you may be sad right now but these comments made me laugh :lol:

in my own personal experience, I grew up quite sensitive, my mum saw it as girly because in some sense it was, but my dad never worried about it because if I got angry or didnt get what I wanted I would go loco crazy and break stuff or get into fights.

long story short my mum probably knew I was gay and tried to shape me into not being so sensitive/coming off as gay and therefore in turn it would prevent the homosexual in me if that makes sense, so when I did come out to her a few years back she cried, my dad didnt believe me and told me homosexuality doesnt exist.

till this day they both dont acknowledge it, and it doesnt really bother me, and I think thats because I grew up learning from them, how to be independent, strong, and not to worry so much, which can be applied to what you are going through, if anything your parents both know deep down you are gay, and if they try now or not acknowledge it, you can be fixed.

I suggest just going with it tbh, you dont have to tell them your gay if they have alot hints already, just continue with what your doing, as for having a boyfriend, you are still young, you have more than enough time to find someone, just openly tell them about your current situation, Im sure they can understand, and you be openly gay to the public eye, and if things do get serious, hopefully you are alot older and not living at home.

 

Re: Problems with Parents

what would happen if you broke up? then you would have no one again, thats not a good thing. you need some form of support system you dont have to see your friends every day or even speak every day. you could speak to your friends once a week, once every 2 weeks, once a month. check in with each other every now and then to see how things are. everyone has different types of friendships and some people need to be around friends nearly every day and some dont.

you need someone to love you and tolerate you. that seems to stem from insecurity, i know a lot of people like that and then they get into wrong relationships because they just need to be loved.

work on your confidence then it might help you make friends.
do you have any family memebrs like cousins that you are close to? you could consider those friends? those friends you made but distanced themselves have you chased them up asked them what was up or what happened? you dont have to be close friends at all.

 

try having nigerian pentacostal parents if i told my parents that im bi they would kill me.
i cant even tell my sister

 

Nope.

You might not like that answer, but you really don't need to be dating anyone.

Yeah, you're 16, and everyone around you is going on dates and having a girl/boyfriend and being all lovey-dovey, and it doesn't help any when Valentine's Day just passed and everyone makes too big a deal out of it for someone they've been "dating" for a whole 11 days.

Bottom line, it sucks. And I think nearly everyone here can attest to that.

But you're 16! Stop looking at it as such a negative thing. You've got at least another 60-70 years to be with people. You've got at least another 16 years of solid time to go out and date all the time.

For what it's worth, I'm 21 and I haven't dated. Because I don't want to date someone just for the sake of doing it, I'd rather date someone who's actually special to me. And that's not just a gay thing - I have straight friends even older than me who feel the same way. And sure, it gets us down once in a while being "alone", but then we remember there is more to life than having a girl/boyfriend.

It's a mentality issue. Try looking at it in a different light.

 

Why is your mother afraid that you will do disgusting things with a tin whistle if she allows you to own one? That is very weird! It also hints at the possibility that she has a greatly distorted concept of gay people. Perhaps you should focus on dealing with that before worrying about other things.

Exactly. You have this "I NEED A BOYFRIEND NOW!" mentality, but it is clear that you don't even know what you really want, and are not in a position to get serious with anyone, anyway. You need to get your priorities straight and wait until you are mature enough to handle this.

 

I'm sorry you're going through all that. (*hug*)

Did you need advice about any of it?

Once you are out to them, your parents will most likely come around eventually. I don't know if it's a good idea to come out to them before you can support yourself, though.

 

Damn... I can't even attempt to put myself in the position that you're in right now, so I'm not going to. But I will tell you this: I'm sorry for everything the bullies put you through. I'm sorry for the abuse you get from your parents. And I'm sorry that people like yourself are not getting the attention and help that they desperately need.

I will however, tell you this. You are so strong to be able to get through all of this and I admire your courage. This is obviously an extremely tough time for you and you seem to be in quite the situation at the moment. But there are ways for you to meet other guys; you could go to an LGBT group and meet others like yourself? For many, this is not an option as they feel uncomfortable in those situations, so if this isn't for you, that's fine.

Just remember: You're young! You still have so much time left in school and so much time to meet other guys! Don't worry about it right now because I'm sure that, given time, the right guy will find his way into your heart soon enough. Hopefully, I could get that same oppurtunity

As for your parents, they just need to understand that this is what it is; this may take an extremely long time, but they can't disagree forever can they? To be honest, if a parent doesn't accept their child for whoever and whatever they are, they do not love them enough in my eyes. Your parents need to get a grip and realise that this is what it is and it's not gonna be any different anytime soon!

Well, again, I'm sorry for everything you've gone through but It's important to stay strong, and in the words of Little Mix: "Don't let what they say, keep you up at night. They can't detain you; these Wings are made to fly!" Hope this helps.

 

To be perfectly fair man, we only say "not mature enough" because well... You're 16. If you are suddenly mature at 16, then that is a universal anomaly. Why do we feel like we can say that? Because we were sixteen as well... It's been awhile, but I do remember. It blows.

We can safely say with hindsight that, yeah, if you wait on a relationship for awhile, it won't be the end of the world. I realize you're hurting, I know it sucks to not have someone to love and be loved by, but you can and will survive it.

It's only the end of the world if you let it be so. It pissed me off so bad when people said I wasn't mature enough for something. Then I grew up and realized they were right. It's life; it only moves in one direction and it gets better.

We are here for your support, we are here to be your friends, but we will be honest with you as well. But at least half of us aren't in highschool anymore, so don't expect us to respond like we are.

Peace,

The Seeker

 

As much as I hate it, I have to agree with BudderMC and the others. When I was your age I had a crazy-strong desire to have a boyfriend as well.

Right now you say you want to have a boyfriend, but is their a specific person that you want or do you just want a boyfriend in general? In your current situation it is not advisable to begin dating, what with your parents attitude and the apathy that your schools administration has towards you being harassed.

I personally plan on waiting until I get to college to start getting into the dating scene, while my situation is not as terrible as yours, I face a similar problem and have decided that it will be worth the wait to begin dating. At college you can get out from under your parents thumb be who you want to be. I still face the occasional bout of depression concerning my decision, but I don't let it control my life.

You have a whole life ahead of you during which to search for love, wait until you can do so freely and without fear of persecution. Wait until you no longer have to worry about your parents snooping about and finding out that you have a boyfriend. Wait until you can experience love freely, it will be much more enjoyable if you do so.

You have our support here at EC to help you get through your troubling times, even if some people are less than congenial about it. (&&&) (I'm not talking about anyone in particular, just some of the responses that have been posted on your previous threads)

Never give up, but don't be afraid to wait for what you want, it will be all the more sweet when you get it if you do so.

 

I didn't have a relationship with a girl till I was 20, or with a boy till I was 23. It would have been nice to have had one earlier, but things have worked out all right considering I didn't.

What you do have to focus on is your relationship with your parents. I'm not sure I have much to say, other than do what you can, hold together, and come back to us for advice on specifics.

 

Ha, my dad's a pastor and my mom is incredibly religious as well, so I totally understand. I can't drive, I'm at church every other day, and I'm not allowed to go out unless my parents know every. single. detail. Even then, they usually make up an excuse on the day of so I rarely hang out with friends.

So what did I do? I decided to date somebody, which requires a hell of a lot of lying. It was honestly pretty bad because I only ever saw her at football games or band rehearsals. Needless to say it didn't work out.

So I suggest you hold off on dating. It sucks, trust me I'm going through it right now, but it isn't for eternity. In due time you'll be able to leave and live your own life. You could work on yourself first--find some self-confidence, develop yourself on the inside and people will naturally gravitate toward you. Next, find a way to deal with your home life that works for you. For me, I just stay in my room, do a lot of after school activities, and stay quiet. You might be able to talk to your parents. Whatever you do, hold on. I'm sure it'll get better.

 

Your mother has a dirty mind