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I am gay and a girl has a crush on me...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rice and Pepper, Feb 17, 2013.

  1. Rice and Pepper

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    There is this girl that likes me. At least I think so. I asked a friend I have come out to and she thinks I am right too. That girl is a friend of mine, not a close one though. I want to find a way to push her away from me without hurting our friendship. I have barely come out to my very close friends, so I don't even think about coming out to her to make things straight. And coming out to her would be really heartbreaking for her anyway. It would make things worst.

    What should I do? It really gets me down that I have to be careful how I act when she is around and to pretend I don't understand that she is flirting. In the mean time, I am planning pretty soon to come out to all my close friends and then start hitting on guys. But if she is still attracted to me and finds out that I like guys without even me telling her, that would be even worse for her.

    I really don't like seeing people getting brokenhearted, and she is in the friend zone too... And what will happen with our common friends? It's not like a war will break, but there will be a period of perplexity and I really don't like that. It really depresses me that I have to work simultaneously with my coming out and her. There is a guy who I think hit hard on me twice. I feel like, if it weren't for obstacles like her, I would run up to him, take him somewhere remote, stick him on the wall and start kissing him like a maniac. Mmmm... :grin: He is hot... If only we were together in my bed... :lol: See what I am going through? Not to mention that lately I am feeling a bit lightheaded about the whole gay issue and I think that something will slip out of my mouth in front of others... It's really dangerous having her being attracted to me.

    So. Tell me every single advice you can give me. I am all ears.
     
  2. Lucky Oshawott

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    Hey, it seems like you have quite the problem here, and don't worry; this advice is coming from experience!

    It seems to me that you're worried about your friend developing something towards you which is stronger than a crush as you obviously won't be able to show that in exchange when/if that happens. However, maybe you should do something before this happens? You obviously don't want to hurt your friend's feelings and you don't want to lead her on either. I guess that you could tell her about you being gay when you tell your other close friend, but only if you trust her enough and are willing to do that. In that case, I hope she'd understand then.

    Also, there is a possibility that she may not really be that in to you and could just be beinplayful with you. If this is the case then you should have no problems at all, but you may have to get ready to tell her that you're just not into her if she turns out that she likes you. It will seem harsh at first, but there's nothing you can really do to help it. You should explain to her that some people just aren't attracted to others and that's just how it is.

    Well, I hope things go well for you no matter what actually happens in the end; make sure to keep me updated. Hope this helps.

    ---------- Post added 17th Feb 2013 at 10:58 PM ----------

    Forgot to write this: I also understand that your friend could be upset by finding out that you're gay, but there's nothing that she could really do to change what happens and she may have to just try to accept that as she has no control over it. It may be hard for her at first, but she will just have to accept the fact that that's how it is and there is no chance for you and her. Maybe then, she'd be able to move on without constantly having these feelings towards you.
     
  3. AaronG

    AaronG Guest

    Maybe you should just tell her you aren't into her like that and wherever you decide to come out then she'll understand why you don't like her as more than a friend.
     
  4. Rice and Pepper

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    I will take any advice from an Oshawott. Especially from an experienced one! :wink:

    Now it's the exams period so everything has to be burried down beneath the books. We will have news on the matter in more or less two weeks. I am asking so that I have the time to think it over during these two weeks.

    Well, she isn't the type of person who would play around, I can tell that. I probably used the wrong word... More like she likes me than a crush. Stupid me...

    But I really hate those awkward moments "I want to talk to you about something" when all you think is "Oh God! I really don't! Somebody get me away from here!"... But I guess you are right. I can't avoid it. I was thinking more of giving her the cold shoulder, but I can't do that... I pity people too much to do something like that.

    Oh! And reading your post Aaron, well I just realized I don't have a solid proof that she actually likes me. How can I find that out without making it obvious and pulling her even closer?
     
    #4 Rice and Pepper, Feb 17, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2013
  5. Sayu

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    We've all experienced unrequited love and it's not your fault that this girl has a crush on you. Do what you want to do and try to care less of what she may think of it or whether she would be heartbroken. The sooner she gets over it, the better for everyone, I think. You are very kind, but come on! You have your own dreams and goals and that should be your priority. I think she will understand :slight_smile:
     
  6. Asari

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    Tell her soon. I just had this happen to me with one of my guy friends. I was too afraid to tell him I was gay and he decided to take our "friendship to the next level." I haven't talked to him in a few days cause I was so weirded out. Talk to her soon before things get more awkward..
     
  7. Rice and Pepper

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    OMG! That sounds hilarous and horrible at the same time! Ok, you got me all convinced. If I feel something coming from her way when the exams are over, I will deal with the matter ASAP!
     
  8. Lucky Oshawott

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    Yeah, that solution seems viable, but it could become much more awkward if she was never into you in the first place so you should consider how you go about talking to her. I think that you should just take her aside and tell her that you feel like the vibe's she's giving you aren't making you feel very comfortable, you apologise if this isn't the case but you just felt uncomfortable about it and just wanted to clear things out.

    And yes, Oshawott's are just THAT awesome :grin:
     
  9. UncertainHopes

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    Well one time my friend set me up with her best friend, but it was OK because she's a really close friend now :slight_smile:
     
  10. All Star

    All Star Guest

    I know you said you didn't want to come out, but it sounds like she's a closer friend then you think. I say you should come out to her. Good luck!
     
  11. 4AllEternity

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    I agree with what other's have suggested; if she seems like a kind person, I would just tell her you're gay. Don't do it in a way that suggests you're aware of her (possible) feelings, rather tell her like you're doing so because you trust her a lot. Essentially, you don't want to humiliate her by being like "I kind of guessed you like me, but I'm gay", rather do the opposite and express a trust in her by coming out to her. Assuming she's a kind person who can be accepting of homosexuality, your relationship will likely transform into a more of a bff kind of feeling. Do it right, and she may be disappointed, but not hurt.