Hello, I'm glad to have found this forum. I'm a 21 year old woman and in the past few months have begun to admit to myself that I am gay. Perhaps someone could give me some advice. As with most lesbian coming-out stories I've read, even at the age of 11 or so I never saw the fuss with all the crushes my female classmates had on boys! Girls have just always been so much more "noticeable" to me and I always thought people were joking about how hot they thought a guy was. It's funny now, looking back, how gay I really was all those years but just ignored it because I was conditioned to be straight and therefore expected myself to be. I've had one relationship in my life, when I was 17, with a guy. He was really keen to have sex but I wasn't. At the time I put it down to having bad associations with sex due to an assault I had suffered when I was younger, but now I know that it was much more likely to be because I just am not attracted to men and male bodies in that way. He was good-looking, sure, but it has become clear that I absolutely loved him in the same way I love my friends - we had similar interests and made each other laugh. Not long after we broke up, I had a sort of awakening and began to address my "occasional" attraction to girls; I began to wonder if I might be bisexual, but it wasn't occupying my mind all the time or anything. I started university and generally just started wanting sex no matter whom it was with. I hooked up with a couple of guys, but it led to nothing and of course I found it very underwhelming. I even convinced myself I liked a male friend, and told him - it didn't end well! I was just that lonely. Meanwhile, my female friends were sleeping with lots of guys and enjoying it. Again, I put the fact I wasn't keen on this down to my traumatic experience and my chronic shyness. I got depressed because I honestly thought it was a case of not finding "the right guy" (I'd seriously idealised my ex-boyfriend) I and doubted my attractiveness. I suppose the question became unavoidable a year ago when I met a girl. Unfortunately I only knew her for about two weeks, but I can't describe how she made me feel... it was like nothing before, despite the short time. I got butterflies around her, lost the ability to form sentences, she was beautiful. From there, I began to accept that things couldn't be "reversed"; there was definitely no way I could keep convincing myself I liked men. In my spare time I found myself drawn to more and more lesbian literature, film etc, an absurd amount, way more than any straight person would. And so just a couple of months ago, I finally told myself, this is it, no more lying to yourself. I am still in the stage of getting comfortable with it myself. I do still have moments where I think about a certain former male crush, but I do know that it's more just the idea of not being alone that I am entertaining and that in practice I don't want sex or a relationship with a man. I really want to tell close friends but it's so hard because up until now they've only known me as straight. A friend of mine even asked a couple of years ago if I was gay, and I said no. I would feel a bit silly now saying that actually, I am. I really have no idea where to go from here, but I want to start being true to myself. I have this on my mind all the time and it doesn't help when I walk past a gorgeous girl, haha.
Hi, Welcome to Empty Closets! The best thing to do is to start with just one person, someone you know will be accepting. How did the friend who asked you feel about the subject? It there anyone in your life that you know for sure is supportive of gay people?
Hello, and welcome to EC! This is one of the best introductions I've read on EC. I understand how you feel completely. Coming to EC is a great way to begin being comfortable with yourself. I've learned a lot here, and it's helped me accept myself. We're here for you. If you ever need advice, don't hesitate to send me a message.
Welcome to EC!!! We are all with you and have had trials ourselves. It will take some time to grow into who you are and what it all means. Hugs love
Welcome to EC. When you want to start coming out to people start with someone you can trust and who will be open and supportive. And don't feel silly for denying it and then coming out years later. That thing happened with my step-mom. She had asked me back when I was 14 if I was gay and at the time I really thought I was straight and I came out recently as gay and she just laughed and said "I knew it". Sometimes it takes a while to realize. It's good that you have realized it and accept it.
Yay! Welcome to this site! That is so terrific you have figured out who you are and what you want! I just recently accepted that I am a lesbian. I haven't officially told any friends that I am 100 percent sure now...but while I was questioning the last year I did pick the friends of mine who I knew would be the most supportive and shared that I was questioning. I sort of just blurted it out then talked a bunch after so there wasn't any noticeable reaction...I just didn't want the uncomfortable silence. But it's prob different than actually coming out. I had said "I am pretty sure I am into girls and not guys" to them and to my mom as well. My mom said she thinks I am just confused and haven't found the right guy.
You know, I wonder if my mum has already figured me out and is just waiting for me to say something about it. For example, I told her that I'd overheard my dad make some vaguely homophobic comments which I found unacceptable. She said to me, "don't take it personally". I'm pretty sure if the comments were offensive in any other way, she wouldn't have said that... ---------- Post added 18th Feb 2013 at 08:51 PM ---------- The friend who asked is definitely accepting of homosexuality! I'd want her to be one of the first to know, but the problem is she lives far away now and I feel awkward writing an email or something, I like to say these things face to face. I can think of a couple of other friends I see regularly who I think would be accepting. So I guess I am fortunate in that aspect... but as I said, it's early days and I am still working up to that point.
